I got a call back from my brother and we made arrangements together on Sunday with his bimbo girlfriend tagging along. She did help out a little bit. Turns out the Funeral Home has some wicked privacy policy. We both thought that we were being left out and something was seriously wrong. Not the case at all, they just wanted us to be present.
The meeting started at 2p and didn’t end until 4 hours later. Jesus Christ they covered every little nook and cranny option and this was a huge upsell time. They want all of your money and it’s emotional, your vulnerable and why not capitalize on that. It’s business and business has no room for emotion it’s all about $.
That said mom did pay for something ahead of time but it wasn’t much just a basic cremation, a cremation container (which is a cardboard box that costs $400 today) and a ceramic urn. There were other fees that she didn’t account for so there were plenty of costs for us to bare, plus they won’t do anything until you pay them.
Long story short here we each will have a stain glass butterfly to keep with part of her ashes in it. The rest of her remains will go into a sand urn. It’s totally made of sand and there is a water soluble liner inside, so that once the urn comes in contact with water the remains release back into the earth. She wants to be scattered by her parents grave, which we will do at a later date and time. Remember Glamour Shots? Well she had a photo set done there and they made her look like a hooker. That was the best photo that my brother had of her and that is what were using for the service as well as her obituary. The photo will be an oil painting of her framed in Cherry Wood. He will get to keep the painting. We are having a memorial mass for her on Saturday. There will be visitation for an hour ahead of time. We will be allowed in a 1/2 hour before friends start calling.
The final total was several thousands of dollars, which in any ordinary case would be covered by life insurance. Our mom doesn’t have any, she was very close to penniless. It’s very sad. My brother took care of her and he had financial responsibility but I couldn’t in good faith let him front the entire bill, likewise I can’t afford much and gave much more than I can afford.
The most unique thing that we will each have is a necklace in silver with mom’s thumbprint on it. They can do it in gold but it’s $1,297 and that is a lot for a little medal. If money were no object then I would go for it. I told them we will take 2 in silver and my brother just looked at me as if to say WTF. I told him I was buying 1 for each of us to have. He’s okay with that but kind of thinks it is unnecessary. I think when he has it in hand he will be much more appreciative and thankful. He can keep a little bit of her with him all the time.
Saturday will be a very long and emotional day. I think I am wise to take my remaining 2 days on Monday & Tuesday next week. The church lady wanted to meet with us both on Wednesday this week to discuss hymns and verses. Oddly enough we both are thinking of the same 2 songs. I am letting my brother drive this as I told him I don’t really have anything to contribute and he is okay with that.
I suggested to him that after the service is done that the family … meaning him and his girlfriends kids and who ever the hell else tags along including me all go to Olive Garden. It was mom’s favorite place and brought so much joy to her. I can’t ever think of OG without picturing her, even seeing a commercial is a huge trigger. I wanted to go today for lunch but talked myself out of it and it’s probably better.
I spent the day doing most of what I would normally do on any given Sunday and for the kids sake I didn’t run the noise machine aka vacuum. I did go through a ton of photos, my brother called this morning and asked about pictures of her. I didn’t think I had but 1 and after searching I found 10. I got them scanned in and sent them to him. None of them were exactly what he was looking for but hey at least he has 10 more photos than he had this morning.
We have been back and forth all afternoon long. I think all the bases are covered. Now I have to pull myself together and go back into everyday life. I think I will be fine. Honestly I didn’t think I would be as emotional as I am and what is eating me alive is guilt. I feel so bad. I know she understood but it would have been nice to spend time with her before she departed the earth. I miss her so much and we weren’t that close. If you think about it she is the only person I have known my entire life, she gave me life and well that is a huge bond. At least we don’t have to go through this again. The next time will be one of us burying the other and I pray that is no time soon.
My brother has a new job and has been there for close to a year. It’s kind of neat, he pressure tests cylinders. Sounds interesting. He bought a house. Anyway they have a care program for when you lose a loved one they will pay you $1,500 which is just unheard of. I told him take every penny they are willing to give you, you need it and it will help defray costs. He is down playing it and doesn’t think he qualifies but I told him to look into it. I will be talking with my HR Department tomorrow and I can pretty well guarantee that we don’t have a similar program.
Well it’s off to the upstairs where I will wind up my evening. Sleeping is something that neither of us has done much of. I hope that I sleep very well tonight because tomorrow is coming at full force. I just keep asking why did she have to go at such a young age and why now? She was an organ donor and we were told they took skin and her corneas. Oddly enough 1 of her corneas was failing. So it’s nice to know that a part of her is still living. My family has always been one to help others and I suppose that is all of our missions in life.
I hate to be so depressing but we all need an outlet and this is mine!
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