Dark Place

I had an interview today, it would involve working with people who are Chronically Mentally Ill.  It sounds like there would be a lot of potential for warm fuzzes but I am afraid of the incompetence level and if I would blow my top.  Nothing against these people but I don’t do well with stupid. 

I have had a couple of phone interviews this week as well but haven’t heard anything back from either of them.  I am just waiting for someone to make me an offer and it feels like it’s not going to come anytime soon. 

I am meeting with an attorney tomorrow to discuss the specifics of my situation and as well to have him review the agreement that was thrown in my face.  It’s going to cost me $250 but I think it is better to spend the money to be able to make an informed decision about how best to proceed.  Knowing my former employer I am sure he is chomping at the bit wanting to know if I have signed yet.  Personally I do not want to sign I would rather make him sweat.  However I kind of need the money and that is what they are hoping for.  My unemployment application is pending on what my former employer says.  Hopefully they don’t fuck up my unemployment and make me fight for that as well.  I mean they act like it’s their money, it is a benefit I am entitled to under the law.   

Mentally I am in a dark place.  I am really worried about the house and the children.  I’m afraid that this may cause us to part ways.  Rather than see how things go I am tempted to just check out, but I am telling myself that something good will come of this and I will be okay.  That won’t prevent foreclosure.

I hope that the storm in my life that has been one thing after another is going to pass and the sun will be allowed to come out and I can work on getting back to happy and normal.  This whole ordeal from my loss to my job loss is starting to get old.  I honestly just want to retreat back into my shell and sit and watch the world go by.  That won’t pay the bills or do me any favors of getting a job but it will prevent me from getting further hurt. 

The children are eating like little pigs.  We spend a lot of time napping around here.  They are sleepers by nature but me when I am bored the first thing that comes to mind is sleeping.  I have plenty of house work to do but hell it’s waited so long what is another day. 

I did manage to cook.  I made a pot of whole wheat Spaghetti.  It was really good and the sauce disguised the whole wheat taste.  So not bad and there are plenty of left overs.  It’s like Italian week.  I had Pizza last night.  Tomorrow night I am meeting a friend for dinner at an Italian place.  It’s the first “treat” that I have allowed myself to have. 

Well it’s getting time for supper and I need to eat.  I’ve got a salad with my name on it and I have passed it up for a couple days, time to dive in.  Then to see what is on TV that I can get lost in. 

Hope all is well in your world and that life is kinder to you than it has been to me.  Not sure when I will be back with another update, but rest assured if and when I am offered a job I will be sure to post about that.  If not that then when I win the lottery.  There just has to be a way out of this mess!