Trouble

I am once again plagued by an unknown odor in my home. This is something that has happened off and on for the last year or so. Weather change seems to trigger it. It’s difficult to describe but I can tell you that it does irritate my nasal passages. Rather that sit by and hope that it passes I have really dug in this time but am not finding anything.

I’ve heard periodic noise of feet on the roof but we have tons of squirrels but I figured it might be something else or maybe my roof was breached and something is in the attic. Having a fear of heights and fallen off a ladder I am not keen on going high up but I made it. Into the attic. I stayed on the ladder and used a flashlight to look around. All I saw was darkness and insulation. I did this in the day time so it would be obvious if the roof was breached as I would see the sky or some form of day light. STRIKE 1

My basement is finished with a drop ceiling and I inspected inside of it with a flashlight and looked at multiple tiles. Nothing obvious sticks out and there isn’t any sign of mold (other than what I treated a couple years ago, which I will cover in a bit). STRIKE 2

Perhaps it’s something in the carpet, I gave up cleaning the carpet other than running the vacuum years ago. I found it odd that a change in the weather would cause this but hey I figured nothing ventured nothing gained. I didn’t do the whole house just parts of the living room and my room. I found an old cat toy that had the smell in it & figured maybe this was it but it wasn’t. On the bright side the carpet turned out really well. I had purchased some super pet carpet shampoo and thought that at the very least the smell of the shampoo would mask the odor. Nope. STRIKE 3

I’ve got an ozone generator and have used that. The odor is gone for a short period but comes right back. Even when I treated mold it would wipe out the smell for a couple days before it came back. STRIKE 4

I’ve looked under furniture and around windows for anything obvious. I’ve checked outside of the house and again nothing sticks out. There is some green mold growing in spots on the siding but that is easily wiped out with a pressure washer (on the list of things to do for the weekend). STRIKE 5

Last night I went to Lowe’s to purchase something called Gonzo Rocks which are volcanic rock that claims to absorb all sorts of odors. You have to give it 4 to 8 hours to work. The bin where it was supposed to be was empty but the website said they had it in stock. The stuff was $10 a bag. It’s in a mesh bag, you just remove the plastic covering the bag and then set it out for it to work its magic. I had to go scour for help and it took 30 minutes for the guy to find the stuff with my help. This sounded like it would do the trick. I got 3 bags. 1 for the living room, 1 for my bedroom and 1 for the basement. I put them out and did my best to try to sleep despite the odor. Gator woke me up in the middle of the night and I knew then it didn’t work. STRIKE 6

A couple years ago I got an audio book it was about life & death in the ER and the lady referenced something called Angry Orange and said that it was the only thing that would mask the smell of a dead body (after it was removed). Sometimes in her particular hospital bodies would sit idle for hours before they were taken to the morgue. Remembering that and also doing some searching I found Angry Orange on Amazon. I’ve got 2 small bottles on the way and they will be here on Monday. Of all of the times I hope Amazon delivers early this is certainly one of them.

The odor only appears to bother me. It affects everything from my mood to desire to eat, sleep and my mood. It’s like my house is killing me. Gator appears to be unaffected thus far but she did get sick yesterday a couple times. While in the short term I’d like to remove, I would like to know what the odor is and where its source is. Finding the source is difficult at best but is the best assurance of a positive outcome and being able to put this behind me. Considering I don’t know what the smell is, much less I can’t identify where it’s coming from I at my wit’s end. Add this to the list of reasons why I’d like to move. There is an ammonia like smell to this odor. It is in my living room/kitchen and bedroom, as well as my office in the basement (which is directly below my bedroom). The master bedroom and spare guest room are unaffected. In fairness both of those rooms have the doors closed because they are used for storage more than anything else. I have opened the windows to the house each morning rain or shine and after a couple hours the odor disappears but as soon as I close the windows the odor is back. I should add that I also changed the HVAC air filter, even though I knew that wasn’t the cause, I figured it could hurt.

I had something similar over the winter and thought for sure that something died outside. This was an unfamiliar smell and it would make me want to vomit just smelling it. This time around I am nauseated a bit but overall, I can still eat. I kind of wonder if I am just going insane and fighting with something that doesn’t truly exist except in my mind. What occurred in the winter lasted for 3 weeks to a month and then it was just gone. Presuming it is something that is dead and decaying I know that once that process is over with the smell will be behind me but I would just as soon not wait and would much prefer to solve this mystery.

Around 3 years ago in the summer I got seriously ill, it was close to pneumonia and knocked me on my ass like pneumonia (I had this as a child). I was recovering and then out of no where I got drastically worse. I was out of work for a couple weeks but at home. I started to recover and then one day happened to look down at the back door and saw large objects – they were large moldy mushrooms. I got rid of them and didn’t really investigate like I should have, by the time I did investigate I learned that I had black mold in 2 bays of ban board (also referred to as a rim joist), it was into the carpeting and all a result of a water problem. I had a gutter issue and didn’t really think anything bad would happen but boy was I wrong. I called a guy to fix the gutter and confirmed that resolved the water issue. Then called another guy to work with the mold issue. He wanted a small amount of money and was just a demo guy who was going to leave me with a large hole in my dining room floor and would rip out the infected part of the rim joist. I elected to research the subject and I ripped out a small portion of the subfloor and what mold from the rim joist that I could. The rest I treated with Concrobium mold killer which is an encapsulant that seals the wood and crushes/kills the mold. I then painted over it with mold killing paint. The lingering strong odor is what lead me to purchase an ozone machine and it worked really well. The sad part is that I waited a bit too long and this spread to other bays on the rim joist so the small job turned into a medium job. I also purchased air purifiers to help clean the air. I spent far less money but really only treated part of the problem, being the inside of the wood. The outside of the wood is still moldy and while the water has been cut off so the mold can’t grow it’s still present. I just figured out earlier this week that you have to rip off the siding and pull the entire joist and replace it. If you don’t do that part of the job correctly your home will collapse. Fortunately for me the wood was/is still in decent enough shape. There is a persistent musty smell in the basement and the aforementioned unknown odor is way different.

Another unpleasant thing that happened is that we had two male cats (the strays that lived here part time until we had enough and made them full time residents) that loved to spray. One more than the other, he peed on everything in this house that he could. He was young, full of energy and all of momma’s family hated him. Both of these cats have since passed and I have had to clean the house with the help of a black light and gallons of cat urine remover to get rid of the smell. Cat urine has a very strong ammonia smell to it. It is by far one of the worst household odors in existence.

Later today I plan to make a Target run to buy air fresheners to help cover/mask the smell. If you have any ideas on other things, I can/should try or know who one might call to help with a task like this I’d appreciate any feedback. Meanwhile I hope that I am at the very least successful at masking the odor so that I can maintain what little sanity I have left. I know we all have our problems but mine seem to be so bizarre and difficult to solve. I’m good at fixing other people’s issues but not my own. Here’s hoping whatever it is I am inhaling doesn’t negatively impact me or my gator which is a much stronger concern. I am more worried about the cat than myself, if I know that something is harming her and I can’t fix it that will crush me.

I’ll keep you posted but again would appreciate any help or ideas that you might have.

Ye old Sunday

Today just doesn’t feel quite like a Sunday to me. I’m also very board. Last night I downloaded Hinge. It’s the dating app that is meant to be deleted. I’ve also deleted it but I did give it a spin. Like all other dating apps, they want money for extra features. They require 6 photos of you to create a profile. There are built in captions that you can tag your photos with to be witty. There is plenty of room to expound and tell people about you but the questions are generic and you don’t really feel like you’re creating what traditionally is known as a profile. You have to either use location services or scroll on a map for your area. You can specify an age range and if that is a deal breaker. I set mine for 27-50 but I still got guys as young as 18. Interesting to see what was out there but I honestly didn’t give it much of a chance. I found a couple of semi-cute guys that I was interested in but I started thinking about all of the particulars with a relationship and dating in general, it was enough to sour me and that’s when I jumped ship.

I would like a guy to curl up with (snuggle & sex as well eventually) and talk with. I think I am more in the market for a really good friend that could develop into something more. Plus, in my mind were not out of the woods yet with the pandemic. I think about just radically changing everything in my life from location (home), vehicle and work as well. It would for sure shake thing up but I know that is not practical and that should I fall on my ass there would be no one or nothing to catch me. Life in general is comfortable now, I just need way more friends and I’ve known that for a very long time.

Shifting gears, all of my chores with the exception of putting the laundry away is done. Gator surprised me I vacuumed up stairs and was really hot & sweaty so I took a break and got some ice-cold water to help cool down. I eventually was ready for a nap. I pushed myself and opted to finish vacuuming downstairs. I had just finished my office when I turned around and there she was. She doesn’t normally come downstairs. Even now as I type this, she is crying upstairs wanting me to come back to her. I kind of wish she would get a little more comfortable with the basement. For one thing it’s cooler down here in the summer and it’s a nice change of pace for me, plus I’ve got 2 monitors and a much better seating situation.

Anyway, once I was done, I pushed myself to go get something to eat. I wasn’t hungry but know that I have to eat. I decided to try a new Mexican place and man it was horrible. One guy is the waiter, bartender and cashier. He was up to his eyeballs with people to take care of. I had a short wait before he noticed me and sat me. Then I looked over the menu and was paralyzed once again by choice. They must have satellite radio because it was on a Spanish station and every word spoken, sung or a commercial was all in Spanish. It was annoying because they were blasting it. It did help to set the mood but beyond that it was annoying to me. The food just didn’t taste right. I ate it with the hopes that it stays down. I feel fine right now but once I was finished, I had a slight touch of nausea that faded. Hey I’ve wanted to try this place and now I can say that I did. I have no plans to go back. Plenty of other good Mexican restaurants in the area.

The weather today was all sunshine but rain is in the forecast. It changed just as I left to grab dinner. I should have hit up the home improvement store to grab a paint scraper so that I can tackle my next fun project of painting. It’s pretty clear to me that the lawn guy isn’t interested in that job. I should have also worked on the gutters in the back and trim away some ivy. It’s not as if the work is going anywhere, I will get to it eventually. Speaking of the lawn guy, I finally got a bill from him. I wasn’t terribly pleased that he waited so long because the bill was large and even though we talked about weekly service, he chose to put me on a bi-weekly service but it costs $5 more. It’s not the end of the world and I wanted bi-weekly when I went into it. There were one or two cuts that he didn’t charge me for at all when they did weekly service for a short time and I figure it all balances out. I just hope that he sends a bill much sooner next time. I’m used to paying by the month and not for a couple months at a time.

Today was one of those days where I could and probably should have just gone for a long drive, it was in my original plans but I scrapped them. Gas prices around here are back to sky high, $3 plus per gallon. Remember this time last year the prices were so low. Guess that is when we all should have stocked up but every one was shuttered in their home trying to stay away from the virus. What a world it’s been one yell of a year and a half, nothing that I would have thought I’d see in my lifetime.

Surfing the net, I randomly found a nice photo of a guy showing off his rear but fully clothed and I thought I would share with you (see below). I hope you enjoy it. Something about a guy’s rear end just drives me wild. Take care and we will talk again soon.

Happy Weekend!

I hope that all is well in your world and that you had a great week. As for me I am hanging in there. A little bored & depressed. There is a Sudafed shortage in my area and it’s the decongestant that helps make life manageable for me. Since it’s used to make meth, I have to have a prescription to get it in the quantity that I need and at an affordable cost. I’ve been forced for a couple weeks to pay retail price and I am not terribly happy about that because the 2 packages that I have purchased cost ½ of what I would pay for a much larger prescription. After trying to fill the prescription for a week the pharmacy just gave up and put it back in my file. I am not pleased about that but rest assured it will be taken care. The one thing that I hate is the use of the word “controlled substance” if you are getting a pill via a prescription then it’s a controlled substance in my book, doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Anyway, I tried to get my prescription transferred to a different pharmacy but since it’s a “controlled substance” they can’t do that. What a bunch of horse shit.

Friday between Gator waking me up in the middle of the night and my head & sinuses I opted to call in and take the day off work. Not what I really wanted to do but at the same time mentally I needed the break. It’s been non stop and high pressure. I put my phone in airplane mode and set it on the dresser. I didn’t take it off of airplane mode until around 7p Friday night. I had already turned off work email so all I got was personal stuff and turns out I didn’t miss anything.

Earlier this week I was shocked to learn of the sudden passing of Alex Riley a porn star who worked for Helix Studios. He was only 22, so this isn’t something you would anticipate happening. He had an amazing smile and that is one of many features in guys that I have come to appreciate.  Lots of people are wondering what happened and I can say I too am in that group. However, I realize that may or may not come out with time. The death of any young person is a hard thing to process for me. I also struggle processing death when it’s some one I know and the closer they are the worse it is.

Thursday afternoon I got some pretty good shots of Gator and added them to her digital photo album. I started to look over the album and just got overwhelmingly sad thinking that some day this album is all I will have left. I also thought about the rest of her family that has departed and that made things worse. I eventually had to stop looking at the photo album and move on to something else. My mood changed with time. This morning (Saturday) as we went back to bed, she was curled up next to me and put a paw out to touch my hand. I placed my hand on what I thought was the top of her paw. When I woke up my hand was on the top of her head and she was in dreamland so peaceful and still that I thought she passed away. That would have been horrible to wake up to but she sprang to life and wasn’t terribly happy about it.

I finally got up the nerve to open the box for the gutter attachment to the leaf blower. I played with it and had to use it a little differently than it was designed. I cleaned out he gutters in the front of the house. They aren’t spotless but have a lot less crap there. It didn’t do a perfect job by any means. The best and only true way to clean a gutter is by hand. All of the other methods that I have tried fall short of just getting your hands dirty. At least the water will flow a bit better. Plus, I stirred up some leaves in the front yard which won’t make the neighbors terribly happy but that’s why God invented wind; it helps move things along.

After I was done, I got a shower and sat in front of the TV watching 20/20 about Scott Peterson. My upper back was shot and I had the shakes from over use of my muscles. Once things calmed down, I got dressed and went out. I wanted something to eat but just didn’t know what. I fought the urge to visit Denny’s because of the cute waiter. However, after some driving around that is exactly where I wound up and much to my surprise he wasn’t working. I didn’t ask about him but may if the next time I stop in and he’s not there. I kind of felt like it was fate just to ask him out and had he been there I would have gone through with it. I would kind of like to scratch it off of my to-do list. I am not optimistic about getting a yes but asking is half of the battle, especially when you don’t know if the guy is gay in the first place.

Back home, caught up on work and personal stuff. Working on laundry. Gator is crying her head off wanting me back up stairs and I am going to give in reluctantly. I would just as soon stay in front of the computer a bit longer.

One of the things that I have enjoyed watching this week is Chiropractic videos. I like watching the guys take off their shirts and get worked on. It’s a turn on and also a nice way to relax. I just love the cracking sounds and I try to imagine how good that must feel. I could benefit from having my neck & upper back worked on but Chiropractors want to work on everything and my lower back is the no zone, I don’t let anyone ever touch that because I have some serious damage there. The few times when getting a massage that I didn’t speak up I regretted it the next day and for days after. I get the idea that you want to work on everything because it’s all connected but I have limits on what I will permit. An interesting adjustment is the Y strap or another Chiropractor has patented the term Ring Dinger, while his adjustment is done differently, they both appear to me to accomplish the same thing. Look it up on You Tube if you’re not familiar with it. I can’t say that I would ever like to experience that but it’s neat to watch peoples face after they get adjusted with either method. It wakes them up and opens their eyes for sure to say the least.

COVID restrictions are easing and it’s like people are starting to put the pandemic behind them. There are still plenty of people trying to get shots but even mass vaccination clinics in my area are either reducing their hours or closing up. Local pharmacies are full of people getting shots. I am glad that I am done with it but I think that we may move too fast to ease restrictions only to wind back up in this mess again. It’s not any fun and I don’t enjoy wearing a mask or staying home but I’ve gotten used to it. I feel like we need to hang on a little longer before were in the clear, just my opinion.

Well off to see the furry girl and spend the evening catering to her every need. Tomorrow will be breakfast out and the grocery store. Not sure if I will do anything else. It’s supposed to be a rainy day and rain for all of next week as well. Temperatures are unseasonably cool it’s like we actually get to have Spring this year, which most years that season lasts for a week and then were in to the dog days of summer and it’s super-hot.

Take care and we will talk again soon!

Getting to know you–What Kind of Guys do you like?

 

 

Yesterday the thought hit me, why not blog about the types of guys that you like. I enjoy writing about a topic rather than just sharing the boring details of my daily life. If you happen to think of a topic or there is something you’d like to know my opinion on, leave it in the comments I can use all the help I can get. The one graphic that I wanted for this was a list of terms that mean male, such as Guys, Dudes, Boy, Man, Men etc. in one of those pictorial charts, hopefully you know what I am talking about. Needless to say, I haven’t been able to find it on-line but now that I have put it out there, I am sure one of you will probably find something and point me in that direction, if that happens and it’s what I am talking about I will share it.

As for me my taste in guys is pretty consistent. I like younger guys so Twinks and Jocks. A little muscle is fine but I do believe you can overdo it and that is a huge turn off. I’m an ass man and small is a good thing in my book and a bubble is also a very good thing. While I can describe in words what attracts me and while you could show me the most gorgeous guy in the world and I probably would want to have sex with him, what truly is attractive is what kind of mind & personality that he has. The outside is what attracts you but the real beauty is on the inside. Guys tell me that I am good looking or cute and that my looks don’t match my age. That’s all well and good but I just don’t see it. I never have really liked the way I look, but when I check out old driver’s license photos man in my younger days, I was very much a looker, I see that now but couldn’t see it then. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would have had more sex and my life would be different (not necessarily better). Chances are in more years down the road I will look back and think about how I look today compared to my future self and think that I looked good. Beauty fades and sure you can have plastic surgery done but really only so much of that and then you become distorted. Youth is where it’s at you have your sexual peak, great amount of energy and stamina that you don’t have when you get older. As I write these words, I realize that I sound like an old geezer as if I am 80 but I’m far from that age, just about to turn 50.

I struggle with age because it marks time that you have been on earth and helps you to forecast the time you have left in most probability barring any health complications, getting hit by a bus, bullet or train. I also feel my body aging. However, I am the same little kid trapped in this old man’s body. I suppose lots of people feel the same way, hell maybe everyone feels like this.

I’ve digressed a bit but back on topic. Not sure how much into porn you are, given that I am single (widower) porn is my sex life. If you are familiar with porn then names like Aiden Ward, Ashton Webber, Blake Mitchell, Blu Kennedy, Brent Corrigan, Brent Everett, Devin Moss, Donny Forza, Drew Peters, Hunter Page, Joey Hard, Joey Mills, Johnny Rapid, Joseph Rough, JP Dubois, Kaleb Stryker, Kirk Cummings, Logan Cross, Noah Brooks, Ryan Jordan, Ryan Raz, Sam Bridle, Sam Truitt, Scott Finn, Seamus O’Reilly, Travis Stevens, Trent Ferris, Wes Russell, and Zach Covington to name a few will give you a bigger picture into the types of guys I like. Photos of them appear below.  I know I have probably forgotten a few names that I think should be in the list but the list should give you a general idea. If you know porn studios by name then Corbin Fisher (huge fan of Chandler, Jacob, Josh & Travis – guys were the best but new guys like Dane aren’t bad either), Falcon, Hot House, Helix (yes, I know there is huge drama around this place and I am not a fan of the owner but I have enjoyed past content), Raw Fuck Club and Treasure Island Media have content that is of interest to me. My first porn studio love was Falcon, they have been around for what seems like forever and back in the 80’s/90’s there was something special about the quality of movies they produced. You can say the same thing for the early Bel Ami movies as well.

One thing that some people lose sight of is that what you see on screen is a fantasy. Porn stars are people too, most are in it for the money the enjoyment of orgasm is just a plus. The character you see on screen is just that a character and the person behind the stage name has a totally separate life. It’s fine to talk to them if you see them in person but don’t get grabby and most really don’t like to be hit on. Don’t have such high hopes because chances are you will get disappointed quickly. I’ve read enough social media posts to know that. It’s about having common respect that you should give to everyone.

Earlier I mentioned that I’m an ass man so of course anal sex or anything with the butt is fair game. Not exactly sure why I am so overwhelmingly attracted to the ass. I enjoy watching everything from mild to wild. Not into bodily fluids or feet, most everything else is fair game.

I like two things in this world Men and Food. If I can’t have one then I am damn sure going to have the other. Bring on the cake! What I enjoy viewing on screen is different from what I enjoy in reality. I would describe myself as vanilla but one may not view me as total vanilla. I know what feels good and appeals to me, as well as what doesn’t. Hopefully, when the time is right, I find a guy that I am compatible with.

I am all about a smooth body or as close as you can get to it. Tattoos aren’t really my thing but if you have a couple, it’s not a show stopper, just like cologne smells differently depending on who’s wearing it, tattoo’s look really good on some folks and others not so much. I do prefer a smooth guy. Piercings are okay (there is such a thing as too many in my book). Size does matter with me and bigger can be better but you can only take so much (regardless of what cavity you are placing it in).

Hopefully, this gives you some better insight as to my preference. Maybe we have something in common, maybe not. It’s totally okay, I get that were all different and what turns one person on can easily turn another person off.

I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on this. Studios are required to validate that the performers are of legal age. Most also require testing for STI & STD’s. Some of the behavior on screen might give an alternate appearance and I am sure that there is probably a studio out there that only cares about age and not if a guy is infected with something.

Some people also confuse being gay with being a pedophile. They are two very different things. Your sexual orientation can be bi, gay or straight and you can also be a pedophile. Kids are just that kids and eventually they will grow up and learn all about sex, meanwhile let them be kids and have their innocence and enjoy life. While I wasn’t sexually abused, I do know what it’s like to be robbed of your childhood. Pedophiles have a mental disorder and need treatment, not to mention they shouldn’t be around children. Being gay is not a mental disorder but it was considered such at one point in time. It’s like Spaghetti & Donuts they are two different types of food.

Sex is like pizza, once you have it, you always want more. Everyone (for the most part) likes sex. It’s not a drug but it certainly can be an addiction. I’ve been told that most gay men want a Twink (which is gay speak for younger guy in his 20’s) so that is not uncommon. The thing is they may look good on the outside but mentally they are not the same as a full-grown adult (anyone over 30). If I could find a Twink and we could get along, that would be great. I’m not going to fool myself and think that it’s possible. It did happen for me and my late spouse, I just happened to be the younger guy. One of the few times in my life where I can say, boy was I lucky!

I hope you enjoyed this post and the eye candy that came with it. All of the images came from Google if you want to see them in their full glory just give it a Google! Thanks for stopping by, talk with you all again soon. Best wishes for the week ahead.

Panic–Stress–Chaos … just another day at the office

Greetings!

I hope that you are all doing well and that life is treating you fairly. At the time I am writing this it’s Thursday a little after 5p. Wow, it’s been some kind of a week. Lots of stress & pressure but thus far I have made it through. My mid back is killing me and I have the overwhelming desire to try to pop my back. I’ve never been any good at making my bones pop but I somehow think that will make things better. Usually the more I try, I eventually will make things worse so it’s better off that I not try. It’s beyond time for a new bed and I am sure that would help. Gator has woken me up every night this week wanting food and one night it was food & warmth because it is getting really cold at night time.

My appetite hasn’t improved I am still eating breakfast and supper. I got on the scale and I don’t see any drastic shift in the numbers, either in loss or gain. It’s about average since the pandemic really took a good hold. I am also thinking of going to grab pizza over the weekend. Eating breakfast out is also very appealing to me. As you can see, I still have food cravings. I am really eager for time away from work but I am on-call. I don’t expect anything major will happen over the weekend but then again one never truly knows that for certain. I usually don’t stray far when I am on-call for that very reason but I don’t allow myself to be chained to my house, unless it’s something I want.

I’d like to clean out the gutters or at least try but rain is in the forecast for the weekend. I also still haven’t opened the attachment for the leaf blower that I bought. Kind of unlike me to at least not crack the box open. I’ve literally brought it in from the front porch and it’s sitting next to the front door. I am eager to jump in to home improvement but what I envision and reality are two different things. I wish I could put my old lady for a cat to work, having a helper does make the job easier and a bit more fun (if there is such a thing as fun for home improvement).

Friday has come and gone. Another crazy day filled with stress and some mild anxiety. However, I made it out. Things were all calm and I essentially shutdown in the afternoon. Then towards quitting time things picked up again. I’ve got someone leaving over the weekend and I have to stay up on Sunday night so that when the clock turns over at midnight to Monday morning, I have to shut this person down. I’ve had some people leave late but never that late. Lots of firsts this week at work. I still can’t get rid of the thought to quit. I would say that I am suffering burnout and could use some rest – like no work for say 3 weeks. However, that would be hell to play catch up from. You want to reward yourself by taking a vacation but then playing catch up is your punishment. It’s a double edge sword and a merry go round that just doesn’t seem to stop.

I saw on social media that the movie Takers with Paul Walker is streaming on Netflix. I thought I had seen all of his movies but nope that was a new one. There’s a booty shot as well. After that movie was done, I re-watched Running Scared and that has a booty shot plus he’s grinding on some girl. Damn I wish that girl was me! He was a good-looking well-rounded actor who had a bright future and was taken from us much too soon. Even if he was straight, I still very much appreciate his body!

Mid-way through the first movie my heart started beating funny, like it was going to jump out of my chest. They call it palpitations; I call it misery. I had the thought a couple days ago that I was going to die. It just hit me out of the blue, now a couple days later this. I did some research on-line. What I read said that unless you have pain it’s not really a cause for concern. However, I am very much concerned because this isn’t normal and I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. My fear is that my body is reacting to years of taking Sudafed. It’s the only drug that keeps me decongested since I suffer from year-round allergies. I am on a handful of medicines for just allergies and have been for a good portion of my life. I am paying close attention to this and if it becomes too bothersome I will either go the ER or call my doctor. If there is any kind of pain that comes from it, I will just call 9-1-1 and not play around. While I do indeed have a death wish, I don’t want that wish to come to pass as long as my little girl (Gator) is still alive. It would crush her; she has watched her family disappear before her eyes and I am the last thing left. Once she is gone then my feelings will likely change and I won’t care. This could all be from stress as well. It’s a crazy time of year at work and I have been flooded, there are tight deadlines and large amounts of work to be done. My boss wants to have meetings, hold hands and constantly review how things are done. I just shove all of that shit aside and get the job done. I know what I am doing and just because one person made a critical mistake, he is punishing everyone with this micro-managing bullshit and I would love nothing more than to tell him where he can stuff it.

Saturday well my well laid plans for the day were a bit of shambles because Gator woke me up in the middle of the night. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in I can’t tell you how long. I really crave it and maybe it will come to pass soon. I can hope anyway. She had me out of bed by 8a regardless of how I felt. I should have showered but figured that I could do that later (I procrastinate about most everything, it’s my new motto and that’s so unlike me) and instead got dressed. Grabbed my medicine and headed out the door. Off to get the car emissions tested. The notice I got said to avoid Saturday’s because that is their busiest day of the week. Fuck when are working people supposed to go? Of course, your busy on Saturday. I was so early that I was the 2^nd car there and got immediate service. Their computer and the computer in my car refused to talk to each other. They had me shut it off then turn it on in AUX mode. No lights flashed so they passed me by default. Easy enough.

I wanted to hit up Waffle House but figured they would be way too crowded so instead I went back to Denny’s. What a mistake that was. The food was horrible – cold eggs. They were done but cold. I asked for an English Muffin and got toast instead, strangest looking English Muffin I have ever seen flat and sliced in wedges. I saw a few good-looking guys. I had my eye out for the cute waiter that I have seen in the afternoons but it was morning so of course he wouldn’t be there. I really wanted to hit him up today, the desire was strong but I steered clear of it. After breakfast I went home. Watched a little bit of TV and rested while I could. Then got out in the afternoon and picked up cat food, hit up 2 pharmacies and the post office. I had a deadline for work and knew that I wouldn’t meet it but I went for pizza. I got something different instead of the deep dish that I normally get. It wasn’t bad but deep dish is my favorite. The cute waiter there took care of me. I of course know him because I have been there and he caught my eye but he didn’t remember me from Adam and treated me as if he had never seen me before. I thought about asking him out multiple times but chickened out. The guy at Denny’s is much more my type, I haven’t seen his face since he is wearing a mask but his body is what is turning me on!

Home from eating pizza. I got the gator some food and then got in front of my computer to take care of work. That upset her but it’s not like I had a choice. Of course, I am done now and could be upstairs with her but kind of enjoy the break. Were glued to each other and a little break is nice. She tolerates me for short periods of time and in a few minutes, she will be crying her eyes out. I’ll be up there soon enough and then we have to figure out what to watch. I enjoy her staying by myside when I am falling asleep or laying in my lap while I am watching TV and she sleeps knowing that her daddy will protect her.

Tomorrow will be the fun day. Breakfast and then grocery store. Probably home for the day after that and rain is in the forecast. I have plenty here to keep me busy, just need some motivation to get things done.

There you have it the happenings such as they are in my world. It’s not excitement city but I do have some fun now and then. Hope that things are well in your world and that life is treating you fairly. Take care of yourselves and we will talk again soon.

Fixed it

As you can probably tell I managed to fix my scanner issue.  Turns out it was my new router that I got.  I had to turn off a feature called Filter Multicast.  As soon as I turned this off the printer saw my computer and permitted me to scan to it.  Multicast helps avoid wireless collisions when you have multiple streams open.  That won’t be the case on my network, because I am one person and can only stream one thing at a time. 

The benefit of higher multicast rate is to lower the amount of wireless collisions that your wifi data may have. The biggest effect is seen only when you run multiple media streaming devices or services at the same time. First off, the best setting for multicast rate for your router is usually the lowest amount.

Gator isn’t terribly happy with me right now because I left her.  We were all comfy cozy on the couch and I got bored and thought about this.  The router clicked that is the only thing that has really changed.  While I am glad that I solved it, I am frustrated at all of the time I wasted on this.  But at least it’s behind me now. 

On to something a bit more serious for a moment.  I am wondering if there isn’t something seriously wrong with me.  I don’t have a strong appetite, I can pack away breakfast but really don’t want to eat lunch.  I force myself to eat supper.  My blood sugar doesn’t bottom out if I skip a meal, which it should.  The idea of eating lunch is kind of stomach turning.  I nibble on some licorice or some gummy bears.  I think I am losing weight as I can cross my legs without much effort and before it was next to impossible.  I want to lose weight so that is kind of an incentive to follow my body as a guide.  I don’t get hungry but once and a while.  If I ate when I was hungry it might be a couple days.  When I was in my 30’s hunger pains as I knew them stopped but on rare occasions.  Maybe it’s just all situational awareness depression (SAD) but I also think that maybe something is wrong with me.  I remarked to the doc the last time I was in that I recently started loosing my desire to eat lunch and he didn’t seem overly concerned about it.  I’ve been eating sugar cereal for breakfast, which I know is bad for me and I don’t just have one bowl.  I’ve made the choice to go back to Oatmeal in the hopes that it will for sure help my blood sugar but it may also cause my body to crave lunch because I will be less full.  Only time will tell. 

I don’t remember what I was watching, probably an episode of Shameless but I heard that when choosing a safe word the word harder is probably not a good choice.  I thought of a bunch of other no so good safe words as well.  I am sure that your mind is probably start to form some of them as well.  I just thought it was really funny. 

Now that the vehicle is fixed and the shot bs is over with, I still need to scrape & paint the trim around the garage and clean out the gutters.  I’ve also got to get the car inspected but I plan on knocking that one out next weekend.  There the small matter of renewing my drivers license but I have a few months before that creeps upon me and plan to knock it out over the summer, I know I will get a reminder in the mail so it’s probably impossible to forget but don’t put it past me because I could forget my head if it wasn’t attached.  Kind of depends what is on my mind, if I am super stressed then I get tunnel vision and forget about everything else. 

For the painting job I need to either find the paint scraper we have here or go buy one and it’s probably easier to buy one than look around here.  For the gutter cleaning job I bought an attachment for the leaf blower but have yet to take it out of the box.  If this works like I think it should I can stay off the damn ladder and that is a huge win for me.  If it doesn’t work then I threw my money away and will have to climb.  I did reach out to a local vendor for their help for this task but they never called me back and I’m not going to beg.  I would also like to clean off my deck and power wash the drive way.  Those are lofty goals and I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew.  I suppose if I get bored enough I may do anything to occupy my mind.  I am just not a fan of manual labor and not a fan of the outdoors. 

Guess I should get back to the crying baby, plus I also need to get a shower.  That really upsets her when I jump in the shower.  I am not sure if she thinks I will wash down the drain or if she just can’t stand to be away from me.  She is always happy to see me when I get out but the only way I can escape her wrath is if she is passed out cold and that doesn’t happen until the middle of the day.  She does a lot of sleeping during the day, but like me she has her routines. 

Have a great week.  I hope that things aren’t too rocky for me but I know it’s going to be a busy week with fleeting moments of stress.  On the bright side I am pretty much back to feeling normal after my second shot.  I will still hate Monday morning but it’s the nature of the beast.  Take care and we will talk again soon.

Second Shot

Friday, I had my second COVID shot. I went to a different pharmacy and afterward went out to dinner. My arm was slightly sore but otherwise I felt fine. I came home and planned to spend Saturday lounging and relaxing. I was just drained of all energy and slept a good portion of the day. I had some fantastic hallucinogenic dreams and didn’t take any narcotics. Gator was all curled up with me and we had a very nice time. I never left the house yesterday. By the evening I was feeling better but not 100%. I woke up this morning and didn’t really want to get going but knew that if I didn’t nothing would get done.

I started with breakfast out, saw a cute guy and was tempted to take photos but opted not to. I haven’t been on social media for over a day and I am getting tons of notifications like the apps want to lure me back in as if I have gone astray. Anyway, I grabbed the mail and then headed off to the grocery store. For the last couple of weeks there have been no bagger boys working, makes me wonder where they all went to. My last stop for the day was at the pharmacy and then I came home. After putting the grocery’s away, I sat and continued my saga with watching old Shameless episodes. I have a couple of seasons left but were getting close to being done. When I caught myself dosing off, I turned off the TV and opted to take a nap but then I was wide awake, so I got up and came downstairs.

I’ve had this computer issue that is driving me nuts. I never, ever let a machine win but I think the machine has me over a barrel this time. My all-in-one printer won’t see my computer but my computer sees my all-in-one printer. The problem is that when I want to scan something I can’t go to the printer and tell it to scan to the computer, I have to load the document(s) and then come back to the computer and tell the computer to go look for the scanner and then the magic starts. Ever since I got this computer it has seen the all-in-one but suddenly it’s no more. I have removed the printer/scanner software multiple times and rebooted and reinstalled but no luck. I’ve turned off my security software and still no luck. I don’t really see much help available online and this is honestly driving me mad. For now, I am letting it be and walking away but the wheels in my head are spinning and I am trying to think of a way to fix this.

I have been observing Grindr and some of the guys on there it’s interesting but I am about ready to delete the app. I keep thinking about the waiter that I spotted a few weeks ago and yesterday would have been burger day but I just wasn’t up to it. I also think that I should probably leave that situation alone but I guess it’s desperation trying to get the best of me. I am super lonely and it’s got nothing to do with sex, but hey I could always use company in the bedroom. Kind of wish I had a fast forward button that would take me to the next big good moment in my life, even if it’s only a self-induced orgasm.

Next week is my turn to be on-call at work. Last week the boss took over for our co-worker who is out. When the boss is on-call it’s like were all on-call because while he monitors a bit closer, he doesn’t do anything unless he has free time and then he turns into a micro-manager. My co-worker who is out promised that he would call me to check in by the end of the week but I know bullshit when I hear it and knew that he would forget all about me and work for that matter. I mean hell he is on leave and they call it that for a reason, your supposed to leave work. I’m sure he is doing okay and I would like to talk if only to find out how he is doing. Speaking of work, I have to get to my report and then it will be time to go back to be with the Gator and deal with her outburst. She is already crying for food, so I need to kick it in to high gear before she really gets upset.

That’s all I got at the moment. Hope that you’re doing well and that life is treating you better than it’s treating me. Take care and we will talk again soon.

Quick update

Well turns out my idea won and we don’t have to make this little change at work into a big change.  I say we but I really mean me since I am the one doing the work. 

My co-worker has started his leave and it’s a bit lonely without him, it hasn’t fully hit me yet but when it does that will not be a good thing.  He’s the only real person that I talk with at any length throughout the day.  Our conversations are all over the place but work is usually the primary focus, we do venture off into personal stuff about how life is going, etc. 

I took my vehicle in on Monday and got the mirror fixed and the alignment done so humpty dumpty is officially been put back together again.  Let’s hope this is the last time he falls apart!

I jumped on Grindr and have been looking at it every day just to see who is still out there.  There are a couple of familiar faces that have been there for many years and I doubt that they will disappear anytime soon.  That is kind of sad but I also get that some people just like the hookup or pump n dump.  That’s not for me.  I am one of the infamous blank profiles that just is lurking.  I have no plans to message anyone but was curious more than anything to see who is around.  When I do jump back into trying to date it certainly won’t be by Grindr because it’s not a dating app.  I know that lots of people found their special someone that way but it seems like not playing the lottery and expecting to win anyway to me. 

My schedule is remarkably free and wide open today which is good because my little lady didn’t permit me to get a lot of sleep last night.  Not sure what her issue was but she is all quiet and sleepy now.  I am ready to join her but I know as soon as I do the damn phone will start chirping. 

I watched an interesting YouTube video yesterday where a dentist in Australia dug out 3 teeth from a crocodiles mouth.  They were all in the same socket.  When a croc loses a tooth it grows right back and it’s that way there entire life.  Kind of wish that humans had the same ability.  I’ve been in to watching dental videos, if you need a reason to floss or brush just watch a cavity get filled or teeth being extracted. 

Well back to this wonderful mid-week day.  Hope your doing well and things are going good for you. 

Too many tabs open in my brain

The weekend is here, hoorah. I got the phone call I have been waiting for yesterday, saying that my vehicle is ready. Unfortunately, I found that there was a minor part of the repair associated with the mirror that wasn’t completed. The mirror on the passenger side is not level and I noticed it right away when I got in but figured it was my eyes. The more I drove the more I said turn around and get it checked. They did a nice job and outside of the mirror being slightly off you would have no idea that anything ever happened. I went back and called them out on it in a polite way. I have to bring it back next week and they can take care of it in about a ½ hour. When I got home and looked over the paperwork, I found that they put on my new tires but forgot to do an alignment so I will have to mention that when I go back. I will also probably will have to pay for it, but there is no point in putting on new rubber if you’re not going to do an alignment. It rides okay but I would rather be safe than sorry. I am not happy about going back but I would rather get these issues addressed than leave them. Auto body people are part magician or so it appears to me. I like this place and they do really great work, my insurance company likes them as well, but I would just as soon not have an accident in the first place.

Once I got home, I opted to relax and watch TV, wound up taking a nap with Ms. Gator. Then just like last weekend I got dressed and grabbed the mail. Stopped in for a burger at Denny’s and the hot guy that waited on me last week was working and sat me, but I had a different person serve me. I kept my eye out for the guy that I like and boy that booty is a perfect bubble. In case you didn’t know I am an ass man, there are other things that are important to me but the physical feature that I look for most is the booty.  I really wanted to say something to him but again I have no idea that he is gay. Plus, he is probably way younger than me and I don’t know even if he is gay that he would be interested in me. I know that I would like to know more about him and get to know him, not to mention jumping in bed. I feel alive when I find a guy that I like but taking the chance and reaching out to ask is where my nerves get their workout. It’s a bunch of emotions wrapped up and it can only go two ways. I am used to the rejection way and that is devastating but someone once told me, your already at no so ask you don’t have anything to lose. I will probably be back again but getting up the nerve to ask him out probably won’t happen unless I really psych myself up for it. If I do decide to move forward the first question, I will ask is his age just so that I am positive I am getting someone that is of legal age. Looks can only tell you so much and I think he is probably in his late 20’s or early 30’s but better safe than sorry.

On the work front I am dealing with so many emotions. We got some not so good news about one of our offices that is making changes to their card access system. It’s a matter of making a programming change that would fix this but like anything else in this world it costs a lot of money and apparently, we don’t want to spend the price despite the fact that we pushed them to come up with a solution. This means that we have to make some changes on our end. Everyone involved knows the solution and it’s pretty simple. However, my boss wants to make this extra complicated because he came up with complex solution. I know that is what he is going to pitch to management and they will go for it. I pleaded with him to go with the simple solution and he told me that we don’t get to make big decisions, as if to defend his oh so great crappy solution. I clapped back with yeah but you’re the pitch man and you’re selling the solution so for my sake please really sell the simple solution. Both solutions accomplish the same thing, they solve the problem but his idea will involve way more work for me. I already know that he is not going to sell the easy option but at least I asked.

Monday will be the last day I get with my co-worker who just became a father. He is going to finish up his parental leave and will be gone for 2 months. There will be new people starting and there are always people that elect to leave or are asked to leave, I wear many hats and also deal with setup and tear down of accounts. On top of all of this were changing antivirus providers. I’ll let you guess who came up with that big idea. Exactly the guy who said we don’t get to make big decisions. He is making the project extra complicated, by micro-managing.

The summation is that we’re going to be short staffed and a bunch of work is headed in on various different fronts. I was already nervous enough about my co-worker leaving then throw in that building thing and I am not a happy person. I have no doubt that I will succeed but who doesn’t want to hit the easy button when they can? I understand that I have a job to do but at the same time if we can ease up on creating work since were going to be short staffed why not. Common sense and logic fail to exist in the working world or so it seems to me. I know this too shall pass and another doosy of a problem will take its place in no time at all.

I am so upset and stressed out by what I feel is impending doom that I am making silly little mistakes. Friday night I deleted the latest episode of Young Sheldon from my DVR when I actually wanted to watch it. In order to view it I had to install the CBS app on my Roku and because of my strict DNS filtering & ad blocking I had to use the hotspot on my phone to get the episode to play. Trackers are in most everything on the internet and at least for me it wasn’t terribly obvious until I started blocking them. Usually when I have a problem getting some place or watching a show it’s all traced back to DNS Filtering. Oddly enough the latest issue of Young Sheldon, he got a computer virus and lost everything. That brings me to talk about data back up and the people that back up data are the people who have been bitten at least once by data loss. It’s a horrible feeling and really no matter what you do when the data is gone unless you have a good backup regardless of how important it was it’s gone forever and there is no getting it back. That’s why I have photos backed up in multiple places in the cloud, I don’t rely on just one service. I could probably insert an ad here for a data backup provider. If your fortunate enough to have not been bitten by data loss, I hope you can learn from others (including mine) misfortune.

I was supposed to have my second dose of the COVID vaccine Saturday but I pushed it to Thursday. In a few days I will try to push it to Saturday so that I can be done with it. I am not looking forward to it and would really like to not get the second shot. Who wants to sign up for a sore arm plus all of the possible side effects? However, it does beat getting the virus in the first place. If you have been reading my posts you already know that I don’t have good luck and I am not a fan of needles. Chances are that if I would get it that I wouldn’t survive. At any rate I am scheduling it on a Saturday so that I can clear my schedule and have an entire day to feel crummy if that should happen. If it does and I bounce back on Monday, great, if not then I’ll take Monday off, it’s not like I don’t have the time. Ideally, I’d just as soon not involve work so that I don’t have to disclose that I am vaccinated. Since they aren’t mandating that everyone be vaccinated, I don’t feel that they are entitled to what is my personal health information. Plus, I already know that I am home for the rest of this year and possibly part of next based on the way my doctor is talking today. The whole COVID thing is very fluid so anything could change but I don’t have high hopes for that because at the end of the day, you can’t fix stupid.

I had something interesting happen to me yesterday, I was driving to get the mail and I spotted two large birds that were circling the road ahead and they opted to land in the middle of it. Turns out it was two Canadian Geese. I had plenty of time to stop but they landed as if they were entitled to the right of way and brought traffic to a halt. People behind me were honking and didn’t understand but after mother goose got out of the way I think they figured it out. I kind of ½ way wanted to get out but I knew that they attack so it was far better to sit patiently until they moved. The oncoming UPS truck honked at them and it did no good at all, he started to go around them and that was super dangerous. If memory serves, they are protected by US Federal Law so you can’t harm them but then again there are people that hunt them. Tomato – Potato. While I wanted to run the damn thing over, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. Good thing I am not a hunter, well other than a manhunter. Get it man hunter!

On that happy note I guess it’s time to tie a bow in this and wrap it up. Hope your doing well, keeping your sanity and staying safe. We forge on to the next week ahead, perhaps kicking & screaming but forging forward nevertheless.  Talk with you all again soon.

Day of hell

I woke up early, ate breakfast and got ready to go out in the cold weather to drop off my vehicle.  I got to the body shop in plenty of time and since the rental car company forgot me (despite my reservation and the fact they made me tell them where to pick me up at) I had to wait an hour.  Then I got to the rental office and had to wait 10 minutes for them to sanitize a car.  Uh I made a reservation and you sent a guy to pick me up, what did you think was going to happen when I showed up, that I would order a hamburger?  Jesus talk about having your head in your ass. 

The fun part was when they told me that I would have to pay tax on the rental car since it’s my insurance.  I just threw a minor fit and sent a note to the claims adjuster.  Presto I got a call telling me the taxes were taken care of. 

The beauty of having to wait in the rental office did let me spy some eye candy and I was looking him up and down.  I am surprised he didn’t melt with all of the heat radiating from my eyes.  That was the only good thing that happened. 

They have me in a Toyota and I am not thrilled with it but it appears to have some pep.  Looks like my car should be ready by Saturday if all goes well.  I am probably going to reschedule my 2nd shot to be safe.  I don’t want to be rushed, that’s how accidents happen.  I can’t wait to get my baby back with fresh new rubber and all fixed up.  Meanwhile my plans are to stay put because I hate driving rental vehicles unless it’s absolutely necessary.  If this all works out I will have put on a couple miles and not have to worry about gas.

Last day of vacation.  Not looking forward to going back tomorrow.  I already know my inbox at work is over flowing with spam, junk and meeting requests.  It’s uncanny how much email I deal with in a given day but you don’t realize it until your gone and it has a chance to build up.  There is easily over 300 messages and I will delete most of it.  When it shakes out there may be 50 messages or less that I have to deal with.  I did think about working some of today but changed my mind. 

Looking forward to enjoying some supper and spending the evening with my nagging gator.  We took quite a nap this afternoon and she was all curled up on one of my arms, it was just great to let go. 

Happy Monday!

Ramblings

I was never so happy to take time off. I’ve got one more day left after today and I know it’s going to fly by. The bad part about taking time off is all of the time you take playing catchup, which is never fun. Gator has a nose for knowing when I don’t have to go to work, I am not quite sure how she picks up on it but those nights are the most sleepless. She knows how much she means to me and exploits it but it is okay I will do most anything for her.

Thursday, was my visit to the doctor. I felt horribly winded just walking from the car into the office. I found out why, my blood pressure was through the roof. That’s when it hit me, I forgot to put in my blood pressure medicine when I set out pills. I hate that task so very much and I take so many medicines that it would be to my advantage to have a service like pill pack, but not something my insurance would be happy about or cover for refills. They are strict either you use their provider for mail order or you pay for it yourself for long term medicines. Anyway, the doc wrote a new script and increased my blood pressure medicine. He goofed when he sent it and I wound up picking it up at a local pharmacy. I can have it filled a couple more times before the price jumps. I went ahead and requested it be transferred to the mail order service. He also told me that my cholesterol was up, based on blood results from last time. He suggested taking fish oil to help lower the cholesterol. I am already on a medication so this will act as a supplement. It’s supposed to do wonders in lowering the numbers and I suppose we will find out in 3 months. I also have not been fasting for the cholesterol tests since the blood work has been done in his office. I mentioned about going back in August to September into a mixed environment and the doctor said that would be ill advised for me due to risk factors, even with getting the vaccination. He is happy to write a letter and my employer will have a couple options. The first is to keep things as they are and let me work from home. The second is to insist that I stop working from home and go on disability. While I think they will allow me to continue to work from home there is no guarantee. I should know more as time moves forward.

Friday, I got the results of the blood work that was done on Thursday. My A1C is starting to move in the wrong direction. It’s still in a good level but it won’t take much to push this in the wrong direction. That means I have to be a little less willing to give into my sweet tooth. I picked up the blood pressure medicine and waited a couple hours. I could see the difference when I took my blood pressure, which isn’t something I do on the regular but since it’s front & center I am keeping an eye on it. My biggest concern is how the increased dose will affect my sexual function. I can also feel depression setting in harder and stronger. A good example of this is I have no desire to eat lunch, nothing sounds good to me. Breakfast & Supper are all I really want. I mentioned that to the doctor and he didn’t seem terribly concerned. My diabetes meds should kick my ass and make my sugar drop to the point where I have to eat but that isn’t happening. I am losing weight but not at a rapid enough pace for me, I know that weight loss is best done slowly so we shall see what happens. I ordered the Fish Oil on Thursday evening it was supposed to be delivered next day but that didn’t happen. I feel better when I am out. I made it to Target finally and of course forgot ½ of the things that I wanted but Gator got her cat litter, which was the main reason for the visit.

Saturday, the day the rain moved in. I got the mail and cat food. I also had a very good burger at Denny’s. My waiter was cute even though I couldn’t see his face for the mask he was wearing. Kind of makes me want to go back again today. It’s been a long time since I had a burger and it was really damn good. That kind of depends upon who is working the grill but they appear to have made some changes in staff since the last time I was there and there was a rough manager working who was cracking the whip. I wanted to flirt with the waiter but considering the pandemic I opted not to. Plus, I know he probably wouldn’t want a guy as up in age as I am getting, even though I am told I look younger than I actually am.  That is presuming he was gay in the first place. 

On the home front the house and the mold smell came back. I gave the house a couple of air treatments and had to shuffle Gator around a bit. She didn’t realize it but she was actually confined at a couple points. The air treatments helped but the smell comes back pretty rapidly. Colder weather and fluctuating temperatures do not help things. My hope is that when the temperatures even out a bit that will help. I do wonder if the mold has spread to other parts of the house where I can’t see as in walls. I keep a watchful eye on the original problem that I self-remediated and it’s still bone dry. I know that I only took care of ½ of the wood, which is what is on the inside. The other ½ that is outward facing is still very much infected and until it’s ripped out along with part of the kitchen floor the smell won’t fully be gone. However, it is a matter of money. From everything I have seen in my moldy research I find that you often go into a project of mold remediation with a small dollar sign, then you find other areas that are affected and the price jumps. I have essentially placed a band-aid on a large open wound and while the bleeding has stopped the infection is festering. I will either reach a point where I have money to deal with it or I will have to cut bait and move. Meanwhile I have air fresheners in place. The problem started in the basement and it isn’t that bad down here. When I go upstairs and spend time in the kitchen or even in my room is where I notice it. I also had several days with no air movement and that doesn’t seem to be a good thing. I have opened windows and when needed had the furnace kick on. The mold issue was a result of my laziness and I feel horrible about it. But it’s like trying to un-ring a bell, it can’t be done. So, it’s a matter of moving forward. If you’re thinking homeowner’s insurance, think again. You have to have a mold rider, which isn’t something that agents push and unless you ask for it you don’t have it. I have poured over my policy and I know for certain that it is not covered. Spring a leak in the roof and then it’s a whole different story but otherwise no coverage.

In case your new here, I am not mechanically inclined. When I try to be handy it usually doesn’t work out well for me in the end, which is why I have placed a limit on what I will and will not do. I need to find me a handy kind of guy perhaps a contractor or just a handy man who is good with his hands both in and out of the bedroom. Being alone and dealing with this and having no friends well it just sucks and it’s no wonder why I want to swan dive head first into a wood chipper from time to time.

Some how I manage to keep on existing when life deals me blows, I manage to get back up. I am a fighter but it’s getting difficult as the years continue to tick by. Eventually I will loose but for the moment I will keep keeping on despite it not being easy or fun.

I have opted to start watching Shameless from the start and have been doing this since last week. I pay a little closer attention now. It’s interesting to go back in time and see how things play out. Frank thinking, he is going to die but I already know that isn’t going to happen for a long time. Seeing all of the sex scenes over again and how Ian & Mickey fell in love. One of my favorite episodes is when Frank’s liver is failing and he asks Carl to break his leg. Just seeing the look on Frank’s face, you know it had to hurt like hell despite all of the drugs Carl gave him. I can relate to some of the struggles in the series, especially the lack of money. I’ve got no squirrel fund and my money isn’t nearly as tight as it was for the characters in the show but I have been in circumstances where I didn’t know where my next dime was coming from or how I was going to manage to pay the mortgage let alone any of the bills and put food on the table or in the mouths of the cats. I take mental trips down memory lane and go places where I shouldn’t but I also don’t forget the good times that I didn’t realize were the good times. I miss my furry family and my late spouse more than ever. I am interested to know what the future has in store for me and how much longer it will be before another good time comes my way and if I will ever get to love again. Lust is something I have and probably will until the day I die but love is different and mix love & lust together when you’re lusting after a partner that you love and care about, it’s a totally different experience than having lust by itself.

I have missed being in my office but for the couple of quick hours in the morning that Gator permits me to be. I will try to spend more time down here but I don’t know that will go well, since she gets separation anxiety very easily. Based on what the doctor said it does sound like we will be together at home for a lot longer so I suppose I have that going for me.

Believe it or not despite it being late April we have snow in the forecast. It’s just going to be a sloppy mess where people have accidents. It will also be a very temporary thing and then Spring will be back. The poor plants & trees have to be so confused. The way it’s been working out the afternoons are Spring with lots of sunshine or rain but a decent temperature. The evening winter sets back in with close to freezing temperatures. Very uncommon for this time of year but then again, we are living in quite an uncommon time. My doctor told me that it was 5 years before things got back to normal when the Spanish Flu outbreak hit. He doesn’t think it will be nearly as long, especially since we have a vaccine but right now people have a false sense of security and are being stupid. Infections are on the rise and people are rebelling from being cooped up. His estimate for totally back to normal probably early to late next year. If people get smart and do the right thing, we may see normal by Christmas. I am not a gambling man but I do know all of the confinement isn’t helping my mental state and it has killed any chance of me dating or making new friends. I hope that I can continue to play the game and survive long enough to see “fully normal” again.

Stay safe, be well and we will talk again. Hope you are doing well!

What’s Happening?

Hello again everyone, I hope that you are doing well. There hasn’t been terribly much that has transpired but I have a few things to write about. I just figured out that I had a couple of comments pending moderation. I’ve published those a short bit ago. Comments mean the world to me and they help validate that my blog is being seen & read.

I finally have an update on the accident. The other guy has insurance (yeah) and has admitted fault (yeah) so my insurance company will enter into subrogation with his company once this has been settled. Basically, it means that my insurance company will claw back what they spend so in effect it doesn’t cost them any money, other than the cost of manpower to put the wheels in motion. Not that this is a money-making event but if you can make money, why not. I asked about getting reimbursed for the inconvenience and since I am going through my insurance company, I was told since there wasn’t a medical claim that isn’t something they would pay out. However, if I wanted to go through the other guy’s company, I could probably get something. It’s late in the game for that and honestly at the end of the day getting my vehicle repaired is what matters most. That is scheduled and I’ve got a rental lined up so it’s just a matter of waiting for next Monday when this starts and then waiting to see how long it plays out before I get my baby back. The rental is good for as long as it takes to repair my car, so if it’s a day or a month extra it matters not. Parts are in high demand and there is a shortage right now but I was told that it should be about a week. That doesn’t include putting new tires and getting it aligned but that shouldn’t take more than a couple hours at most.

My emotions were on overload on Sunday and into Monday. Shameless a Showtime series that I have watched since day 1 for 9 years came to an end. I hate the fact that it’s over, it was a favorite show and life will go on without it but it just won’t quite be the same. I knew that the character that plays the father (Frank) on the show would die but I didn’t know that he would die alone. Seeing that made me want to re-think how I left my spouse to die alone and also was a sobering wake up call that unless I meet someone chances are really high that I too will die alone. I called a co-worker on Monday after I watched the after party which was a zoom call with the cast and just balled. I started out fine and then my emotions just tackled me and I was done. I felt so much better after crying it out.

My door bell rang on Sunday evening in the middle of the finale. I haven’t ordered anything and when I went to look, I didn’t see anyone. There was a car that I noticed pulled up on the street with the headlights on. I waited until they left and then opened the door. It was none other than Jimmy John’s delivering a sandwich for my neighbor. My house number appears prominently in a couple places outside my home, one of which is by the front door. Still some poor delivery driver couldn’t find house number 9 so they delivered it to house number 8. It was paid for and my initial reaction was damn I’m hungry I am going to eat this, then I thought nope save it. Finally, my morals guided me to do the right thing and I put on clothes and went to deliver it. I didn’t ring the door bell just dropped it on the porch like the receipt said to. It took the neighbor 45 minutes before he realized it was there. Meanwhile I got some flying bugs in my house. No good deed goes unpunished.

When Sunday was over just before bed, I thought I will watch some porn and call it a night. Little did I know the streaming app I use wouldn’t work. I spent hours troubleshooting this before I gave up and finally went to bed in disgust. It works on one Roku but not the one in my room. It wasn’t until yesterday that I figured it out, I needed to get a beta version of the client and that fixed the issue. I kind of wish that I would have thought more but my brain was out to lunch and I thought for sure it was something on my end since the removable drive had been giving me some problems. I did an uninstall from my computer of the server and that of course meant that all of the history of what was viewed and what wasn’t was lost. Not a big deal but kind of a pain.

The grass guy showed up late in the day on Monday but they weren’t scheduled to be here until today. It was a nice surprise and there was no communication about the painting job we spoke of. I have pretty much figured out if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. It would have just been better if the guy was honest and just declined. Honesty goes a long way and besides that if your honest you don’t have to remember the lie you told. I got that little nugget of knowledge from a Judge Judy episode years ago, lot of truth there. Pun intended.

I thought my battle with the ants was over with but they appear to have come back and are worse now. I hate those damn things and wish that I would never, ever see another one at least not in my house. When problem crop up here it is so attractive to throw up my hands and just walk away, move and get it over with. However, that would cost a bit more in the long run so I stay put and deal with the issue.

Some kind soul posted the Yoop concert of Charlie Puth to YouTube. Charlie has looked better in the past. He is growing out his hair and wore a bright yellow fuzzy sweater that just make me want to break out in hives. His voice was not up to par and the whole thing came off to me like it was run on a shoe string and is not the usual product that I have come to expect when Charlie is in concert. That said, it wasn’t horrible. If you’re going to watch it, look for the 4K version. I don’t have 4K but the watermark of the person that published it is smaller and it just plain looks better.

Thursday is off to see the doctor. Not sure what I am doing on Friday and Monday is car drop off day. I am off from work from Thursday through Monday and back on Tuesday. I hope that I can manage to be productive at least part of the time. The accident set me back and depression has also crept in and set me back. I have been putting off a Target run for over a month and poor Gator is down to her last jug of litter. I also would like to eat breakfast out and maybe even grab dinner or lunch out.

While I thought I had longer my co-worker informed me that he will be taking the rest of his paternal leave in a couple weeks and won’t be back until July. Holy cow. That is a lot of time but I know it will go by in a flash. There are a couple of projects that are coming up and one of them is a job that only him and I can do. I am prepping as much as I can ahead of time but I am limited on what I can actually do until I get the official green light. Plus, the daily report we work on will fall totally on my shoulders. It’s much easier to do it with someone than doing it alone but I guess it will be just like sex for me. Hey I am trying to make it funny while still complaining.

Gator has had a couple of bad days but I think she is on the mend. It’s an odd time of year where it’s nice and comfortable/warm during the day but it gets down to freezing at night. That messes with her and she just can’t get warm enough. I found her today under the covers on my bed. She used to do that when she was a youngster and I am glad that she still has enough spunk to continue it today. I think it’s cute and it also proves that we all just need alone time. She is passed out cold next to me, as I sit on the couch writing this. She sure is eating the food and enjoying her naps. I just wish that she would sleep longer overnight instead of waking me up regardless of what time it is.

As much as I enjoy talking here it’s time to wrap this one up and call it a day. Take care of yourselves and be safe. We will talk again soon.

Waiting

Patience is not one of my stronger suits but I have learned that the world doesn’t move as fast as I want it to.  I got my estimate and have scheduled repairs.  Talked with the insurance company and I am waiting to find out if the guy I hit does in fact have coverage and if he sticks to the truth.  While I am fairly certain I will come out of this okay, the waiting is the next worst thing outside of the actual collision.  I did pay and got a copy of the police report, it clearly shows that he was at fault and documents the fact he got a ticket.  I do hope that this is the last accident I have for at least 10 years. 

I’ve been watching dash cam compilations on YouTube and man there are some crazy ass drivers in this world.  People who just don’t pay attention at all.  Kind of makes me not want to get behind the wheel again.  There is so much entertainment on YouTube. 

I have had a decent week from a food prospective.  Still have left overs from Easter but they are going pretty fast.  I’m thinking of digging into the Ham and Sweet Potatoes tonight.  The pasta is all gone.

The tree guy came back on Monday afternoon and finished up, there wasn’t much left so he was here maybe 45 minutes.  Things look so much better and I am glad that I got the work done.  I like the fact that I was able to hang on to my money.  I think the guy who wanted an arm and a leg might have done a slightly better job and maybe would have trimmed some of the top of the trees but I’m happy nevertheless and now I can spend what I saved on something else. 

Rain and a bit of colder weather have hit my area but it’s only temporary we will be warming back up tomorrow.  Today is trash day and before the next round of rain moves in I will want to get the trash out. 

I saw Friends with Benefits last night on Netflix.  Justin Timberlake looks really good without clothes on.  I don’t know how I managed to not watch this when it was released but I can say I’ve seen it now. 

Nothing much on my immediate to do list.  I will probably make that Target run I have been putting off forever.  The pain purchase is cat litter and I just hate buying that.  Target is the best place in this area to get the most bang for your money when it comes to liter. 

Gator has been a little crabby but for the most part she is well behaved.  We curled up a couple times today and got in some naps.  She loves it and actually meows insisting on it around lunch time.  I enjoy it as much as she does.  Laying down next to her I somehow don’t care about anything but her and all of my troubles fade away for a short time. 

I’ve been looking for the stray cats that were visiting but they haven’t been around in about 2 weeks now and I don’t have much hope they will return.  Hopefully they were someone’s pets and got reunited. 

It’s just a hum drum week here and I am okay with that.  Hopefully the insurance adjuster will call me back with good news and life can go back to as normal as possible.  I hope that all is well in your world and that life is treating you fairly.  Talk with you all again soon.