Goals for today

I really wanted to get up early, get breakfast and take a shower.  Then get dressed and catch up on laundry as well as get in front of the computer.  Things didn’t quite turn out the way I wanted but I did accomplish getting in front of the computer so my bills are paid and I was able to get paperwork off to the doctor.  I’ve asked for a follow up visit and am waiting to hear back.  I know it will be a virtual visit and that is fine with me. 

The cough was gone but is now back, my headaches are returning, I am sweating at times and believe that I still am getting a fever at times.  In general I don’t feel the greatest, although now that I have been up and moved around a bit this afternoon I feel the best I have all day.  I get short periods like this when I think the worst is over, then I go to bed and wake up – the nightmare returns the next morning.  I am also weak and my thinking is off a bit.  I second guess myself a bit more and that doesn’t really help much.  This is starting to feel a little like Pneumonia because my appetite is gone.  I am forcing myself to eat but I am not eating a whole lot.  I really think I need some extra help from some antibiotics or steroids to help speed things up a bit.  I really want to get rid of this but I know that isn’t something that is going to happen over night.  I am not really in a huge hurry to get back to work but I don’t want to be gone a horribly long time either because the catching up will be sheer hell.  Things are falling apart and I think that will give people some better appreciation for me and what exactly it is that I do and how well I do it.  Not bragging but just stating a fact.  

Gator has been by my side all day and I think in her own way she is trying to take care of me because she knows I don’t feel the best.  I really like it best when she passes out and is quiet.  That is when I am able to relax the most.  She keeps me up throughout the night and that doesn’t help things much.  Sleep is a key part of recovery but I can’t seem to impart that to her. 

I am amazed that I am still able to find content to watch on streaming services.  I emptied out my DVR this afternoon.  I just want something to entertain me and make me forget about my present life, if only for an hour at a time.  It’s nice to take the focus off of my reality.  

As you can well imagine my sex drive got up and left with this whole mess.  I’ve fallen behind on the latest porn scenes, the news from the industry as well as all of my social media.  I can go days without social media but it too helps to serve as a distraction.  I had my first sexual dream last night and it was nice.  I imagine when my sex drive returns I will try to make up for lost time. 

Being alone and getting ill like this is the most scary part.  No one is really checking on me and if something happened to me, it would be days to weeks before anyone would find me.  I not only want to get over COVID but I will be eager for COVID to get more under control and become a thing of the past so I have a chance to get out and make some friends so that when times like this fall I will maybe have a human to lean on or even talk to on the phone.  We all need someone. 

Back to the TV and Gator for now and eventually back to bed.  I’ve lived in my bedroom the whole time and I am kind of sick of it.  This is the first trip to the basement I have made since the 5th when I was last down here for work.  Seems like that was a horribly long time ago.  Time passes by so fast and one day blends into the other more so when you don’t have anything to do but lay around.  Laying around is nice but working keeps the mind exercised.  I do like the time off but really wish I was well and on vacation rather than on an leave of absence due to an illness. 

Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a better day!