Nada

I haven’t been feeling like my usual self. All of a sudden, my drive or desire for sex is absent. This has happened before but after a couple days nature works things out. This time that doesn’t seem to be the case. I don’t know if this is medication related or if it’s a hormone thing. It could of course be weight related. I’ve done some research on ED (Erectile Disfunction) and there are many causes. Right now, I can’t say that I am in the ED boat as I’m not trying to get it up and failing, there is just no desire.  

I look at porn and know that I like a guy or a scene appeals to my taste but there is no real sexual desire. Playing doctor with my body is something that I think we all do in this day and age. Playing doctor doesn’t mean what it used to either. In any event, I am thinking that I might suffer from low testosterone. It’s on the list to discuss with my doctor. In fact, it was on my list for the last visit but I was absent minded. You know they say when you get older your mind is the first thing to go, I forget what goes second. That is a line I learned from my grandmother and she always did have a great sense of humor.

Frankly I am really bored, when my tasks are all caught up at work I spend time in front of the TV or in bed with Gator. The boss was out today and I spent the bulk of the day upstairs. I got in a nice nap, had an extra long lunch hour. Finally, I went back to work because I got tired of flipping channels and playing with my phone. Porn would factor in there it’s a great way to pass time but since there is no interest that didn’t happen.

I got on the scale yesterday and saw how much my weight has ballooned up. That pie I am eating is going straight to my gut. I knew I had a problem when I went to put on my sweatpants and they were a little tight. I am bothered by my weight but there are a handful of things I am good at and eating sure is one of them.

The pandemic is getting worse, infection rates and deaths are on the rise. There are already pleas asking people to celebrate Thanksgiving virtually instead of getting together physically. People need people and considering that I am trapped here all alone I benefit greatly from being around others. A Zoom meeting or phone call doesn’t have the same affect on me as an in-person visit.

Sleeping during the day means that I will be up at night and even if I am sound asleep, there is a very good chance Gator will be hungry and wake me. That’s happened once already this week. She loves her food as well and I don’t mind feeding her it’s what the vet said to do.

I don’t know what it’s like to go insane but something tells me that I might not be far from it before this mess is all over with. I was hopeful that there would be a vaccine available in December but based on the latest update it sounds like it won’t be until early to mid-next year. What a monumental task to develop and distribute a life saving vaccine, those people have to be under some serious pressure. If they don’t get it right then were all going to die. I’ve got faith that they will come through but the thought of having to stay home for the bulk if not the next year isn’t terribly comforting to me. There are aspects I like but over all I need to be around people. I need physical activity, even if it’s only to walk around the office and/or to and from my car.

I don’t like to be filled with such negativity or depressing news and this is my outlet. I really hope that my sexual desire returns, regardless if it’s with medical help or not. I just want to be horny again and to be able to do something about it.

Despite what I think I know that short of being hit by a bus or catching the virus that I have a lot of life ahead of me. Thinking of spending it alone is horrifying and add to that no sex, not even self-pleasure and I am ready to have Scotty beam me up.

I hope that your having a better week than I am. I don’t want to babble on too much so I’ll talk with you peeps again soon. Stay safe, warm and be well.