Livid

Last night I got a scathing e-mail from the Bankruptcy attorney who is obviously not happy with me.  He said that my partner had committed fraud by placing the house in a trust.  What he fails to realize is that the trust was created years before he knew that one day he would have to file Bankruptcy.  Then he went on to tell me how my behavior and actions were hindering the case and that he has thought long and hard about filing a motion to be removed as the attorney of record. He basically said fuck you, fuck off and leave me alone or else I will file a motion and get removed.  Without actually saying those words. 

That has set me off, I want to write him back and politely tell him to go screw himself that I don’t need him.  However, getting another attorney in place would probably prove difficult since my partner has passed away.  Bankruptcy caters to the living and not the dead.  Meaning that if the Debtor has died it’s difficult to do anything as the executor or personal representative.  However, that said I am making a phone call to find out about hiring another attorney and seeing what it would cost.  Reason being is that the language he used was a threat and he said I haven’t yet.  Which leads me to believe that at some point he will file the motion and then I will be scrambling.  I’d love to see him disbarred but I doubt that will happen. 

I understand that my questions are a bit annoying but then again I’ve not been through a Chapter 13 Bankrupcy and I have not lost the love of my life before.  So this is uncharted territory to me and I might ask the same thing over and over in different ways.  Plus he thinks I am complaining that I can’t afford payments to try to skirt the system.  I am not a wealthy man, I am living paycheck to paycheck.  if a paycheck stops then I am in serious trouble.  I have no qualms about paying for the house, other than the payment is a bit steep and I woud like it lowered.  I do have issues with paying his Bankruptcy because it’s a debt that is NOT mine.

But for the fact that I am making the payments to the Bankruptcy and to the Mortgage company the vulchers would move in and take everything they could.  Is it any wonder why I want to kill myself?  This bastard has not taken into consideration the pain and anguish that I am feeling, much less the loneliness and the void in my life. 

I need to fire him and find a different attorney, just like I need a new job.  It’s all about a fresh start.  I am ready for the Good Times to begin because I have been through the bad. 

I know that into every life a little rain must fall but it’s like a typhoon that never ends in mine.  I honestly can’t take much more before I just throw caution to the wind and resort to trying to end my life.  It seems to be the fastest way to releif from the pain in this world, all though I will be in for a lot more in the after life if I follow through. 

The word for today is FUCKED  without lube, love or care life is just shoving it in deeper and deeper until I scream uncle.  Ask for help, you get none.  Ask for a break and you get it harder.  Why??

As you ponder that I will begin my work day.  The only good news I have is at least it’s Friday!

Thankful Thursday

One more day and then the weekend is here.  That is really good news.  Shame there aren’t more weekends.

Last night on Dirty Pop they were talking with Vin someone who stars in Showtimes TV Series Gigolos.  It’s a reality show about straight male prostitutes – basically free straight porn.  The guys look awesome, I watched an episode last night.  It’s different but if your up for that type of content give it a watch, you won’t be bored.  I found it on demand, not sure when it airs so as they say check your local listings.

Speaking of hot guys I was watching American Restoration the other night and got all excited when they brought the dunking booth out and wanted Tyler to get into it.  I thought I might get to see him shirtless. I’ve got a mad crush on him but am pretty sure he is straight.  Still I can’t help but dream.

It’s been an okay day, busy as usual but not crazy busy.  I’ve got a whole Intranet site to redesign and I am not a web developer so it’s kind of cumbersome.  This will be one of those tasks where I am happy when it’s done. 

I am doing the big count of Windows XP machines and man alive were in the 70’s already.  That will be a lot of hardware to replace and odds are I will be told not to replace it since it’s working fine today.  Or we will replace it but do it at a slow rate.  I get it, that will be one hell of an expense and I keep saying it but I am glad it’s not my bill. 

Got a tax form last night for my late partner, the amount on it was $45, I’m like come on it’s $45 what is the big deal why do we need to get the government involved over $45.  Ah, well he got crazy statements every other year he was alive so now that he is gone why should things be different?  Last year got him a refund so I am hoping for one in the same this year.

That’s all I know other than I need to get back to it.  I had to gobble lunch down today because I got a couple phone calls and they took up my time.  I figure it all evens out with a little break for blogging. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Middle of the week

Last night I watched How I Met Your Mother and that got me thinking.  It may be interesting to write blog entries as if I was writing to my late partner.  It sure would put a different spin on things.  It’s only an idea and probably not one I am going to follow through with. 

Unfortunately I am still suffering from lack of sleep, I fall asleep just fine but wake up in the middle of the night.  I am sure it’s because I miss my late partner.  There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought of him.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I wish there was a cure for this, but it’s something that time will have to sort it’s self out.  I don’t understand why it hit me all of a sudden and why it didn’t start at the beginning when the events started.  I just want to get a good nights rest and not wake up until it’s time. 

Today was an average quiet day.  I had some activity but was mostly left alone, those are the days I enjoy the most.  Let me do my thing and stay out of everyone’s way.  I have to take a machine to one of the offices tomorrow, so I will be leaving early or so I plan.  It might not happen until Friday but I am going to try for tomorrow.  The sooner I get out of there the better off I feel. 

I don’t talk with anyone all day long unless they e-mail me, send me an IM, call or ask me a direct question.  It’s like I am the bastard child of the office.  Nothing I haven’t been through before. 

I’ve got some additional worries but in life everything is temporary.  Unless your talking about diamonds, those are forever. 

Well time to get my move on for tomorrow and wind down for tonight.  2 more days!  Can’t wait until I come home on Friday and get to relax, drop everything at the door and just veg.  Friday has to be my favorite night out of the entire week.

Talk with you peeps later. 

Contacts

Yesterday I did something to fix a problem with my Outlook at work.  Last night there was a problem and I needed to send an e-mail.  I fixed one problem but created another.  I managed to loose my contacts.  I had plenty of them. 

So now I have them back thanks to a quick search but the bigger problem is on my phone some of them show up as duplicate.  It’s a pain in the ass to try to figure out if I deleted the right or the wrong contact so I put a * next to everyones name on my computer, that syncd to my phone.  Then I deleted everything without the *.  I still have duplicates.  It’s like a gremlin created them.

The worst part is I lost my calendar but I know of only a couple things that were up coming, I don’t exactly have a lot of plans.  So that is no big deal but I just loathe the whole process of loosing and re-keying data.  The upside is that it took away most of my morning. 

Boss man is back and we have made contact, it was pleasant and simple so I am thankful for that.  I just knew today would be filled with all sorts of screwy things when I got here the full sign was on for the garage.  There is no way they are full by 8am.  I went in and sure enough there were plenty of spaces left.  I didn’t get my usual but I got something comparable so that is okay.

The HR department messed up a bunch of tax forms so they have to issue corrected forms and to do that they had to bring in a typewriter.  I am listening to the HR manager fight with the machine trying to get the margins to release and having other problems.  I hear the correction tape running more than the typewriter it’s self.  Ah the good old days when things were simpler.  It’s quite a transition to go from a computer keyboard to a typewriter keyboard.  Computers are much more forgiving. They may be old school but those machines still come in handy today. 

People come to IT with all sorts of goofy problems.  Yesterday I was asked about a cable problem at one of the offices.  I said I don’t do TV and know nothing about it.  That was the easiest I have gotten out of anything in a long time.  It was true though.  I mean it’s like asking me a car questions or how to fly an airplane.  I have no idea.  Would you ask a cook how to fix a computer?  How about a police officer about fixing your printer?  I just don’t understand why if people think a computer is remotely involved it lands in the IT Department.  We are funnels for all of the BS. 

Well back to it.  I spent part of my lunch working so I figure this was make up time.  It all evens out in the end or so they say.  I some how always wind up on the short end of the stick.

Oh speaking of sticks and short ends.  The mortgage company doesn’t need any paperwork from me they needed to assign an underwriter to the request.  They gave it to the person who denied me the last time, saying the home wasn’t owner occupied.  I don’t have high hopes that they will approve me.  Only time will tell.  My attorney and the congressman should be following up with them later this week or early next week. 

More tax paperwork rolled in last night, it’s a small paper storm to file two peoples returns.  I just hope there is money coming back and not money owed.  I sure could use it.

Talk with you peeps later.

Ready 2 Go

This day seems to be lingering.  It’s very cold outside and I just want to get home, eat my supper, take out the trash, surf the net a little bit and then go be with the cats and watch TV counting down what time I have left before I have to retire for bed. 

Boss man is out today but I suspect he will be back tomorrow.  Ugh, not looking forward to that. 

I reached out to the Congressman’s Office to help put pressure on the mortgage company.  They called and left a voice mail and said they would let me know when they hear back from them.  My attorney also sent me a message indicating that she reached out to them and left a voice mail.  So the pressue is on, maybe they will budge or perhaps they will continue to stall, time will tell.  I think they have a trick up their sleeve and I don’t think I will like it but again time will tell.

For a Monday things have been quiet around here.  Our resident loud mouth is out of the office for a week.  Another person will be leaving tomorrow for a week long trip.  So it should be pretty quiet on my side of the office.  That doesn’t mean I won’t be busy.

Yesterday I watched Behind the Candleabbera the story of the Life of Liberace.  Very interesting and even made me tear up towards the end.  The last song he sings about loving you, it was something my partner would say – not word for word but words to that effect.  It was almost like he was talking to me from beyond.  Gosh I miss him. 

Saw Shamless and Looking last night – they were okay episodes nothing too spectacular.  However, I am glued to both shows at the moment.  House of Cards will be picking back up on Valentines Day so I am looking forward to that as well.  I just love to be entertained and try to drift away from my life.  I think that is what everyone does.

Thought about creating a mixed drink with Pineapple Juice, Sprite and Rum.  Then decided against it and it’s probably better that way.  Still have some juice left I didn’t finish the entire bottle but came close. 

Learned that today is Nation Chocolate Cake Day.  Sounds good and oldly enough I have a piece at home.  Not sure if I will have it today but will eat it eventually. 

The static electricity is alive in the air, when I pet the cats you can feel it.  We get shocked sometimes but still press on.  Everyone has to have their pet pets in.  A term my late partner came up with when he was trying to convince Shy Girl to let him touch her.  It worked oddly enough, he was a regular St. Francis of a Sissy.,   He loved cats and they loved him – he wasn’t afraid of any cat regardless of it’s size. 

Well that is all I know.  We are finally getting close to the 4pm hour and that means things should start to fly.  Perhaps I will be able to head home soon.  This is probably the last day everyone will be able to leave early until Friday as the tyrant will be in the office until then.  Lord give me strength. 

Stay warm, be well and I will talk with you peeps later. 

Expensive Lube

Hello Ladies & Gentlemen….

This is the recap post of Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday

Friday

Normal work day, believe it was the last day that boss man will be out.  I’m guessing he will be back on Monday, so not looking forward to that, even if he leaves me alone just knowing he is in the office creates tension.  Kind of sad when you think about it.

The two bitches went to lunch w/o me, didn’t even ask.  I couldn’t have gone at the time they went because I was dealing with an outage but they could have at least asked me.  I sent one of them a text message that said enjoy your lunch.  What I wanted to say was enjoy your lunch, I hope you choke. 

When people show you who they are, you have no choice but to believe them.  I’ve figured out that I am no longer a part of the click and am on my own.  It hurts but I will live with it, I mean I was on my own before either of them showed up and I have been there the longest.  I will be guarding what I say and how I interact with both of them. 

My grandmother told me when I was young that groups of 3 rarely last, the same goes for any odd number of people.  If it’s even you won’t have any problems but odd, look for issues.  So to say that this was unexpected would be a lie.  I was just hoping that I wouldn’t be the one who was shunned.  I get it they are women and they want to be able to chat amongst themselves w/o a guy. 

I managed to accomplish a fair amount of work.  All of management was gone on Friday so the place was a ghost town by 4:30.  I stuck around because I was having PC problems and got a last minute call.  I was able to leave by 4:50 which is a little early but it is no 4:30 which is what I wanted. 

Got cat food, had a hot guy working the register.  He asked me how I was I said I was good.  He said I am too I’m getting off work soon.  I wanted to say so would you like to join me for a bite to eat.  However, I resisted.  Those lines seem cheesy and awkward.  He looked very fine but there is no sure way to tell if he is gay and the risk of offending someone is pretty high and that isn’t where I want to go.  I don’t want people to think oh here comes that creepy guy he is going to hit on me or he did hit on me.  I’d rather just blend in. 

Went home, had frozen pizza for supper.  Seriously burned the roof of my mouth, which is pretty well a given with pizza.  It was good but painful to eat.  Watched a movie called The Bling Ring.  It was about a guy who was gay and 3 or 4 girls who went around breaking into celebrities houses in Hollywood.  It was a true story that was just made into a movie.  Kind of interesting at first but it took some serous balls to go walk into someone’s house like you owned the place.  The sad part was many of these celebs left keys under the mat or the door was unlocked or they left a window open.  You would think they would use their alarm systems, but apparently not.  These kids got away with clothes, shoes, jewelry, lots of cash, a gun, furs and drugs lots of drugs.  They even stole cars.  It all seemed good until the might fell and they got caught.  The hammer fell hard on them and they got serious fines and jail time. 

Saturday

Lazy day.  I got my hair cut, went to the expensive grocery store for my oatmeal and wound up picking up a few others things.  Of which one was a Frozen Uno’s Sausage Pizza.  I just couldn’t walk by it.  Uno’s is my all time favorite and while it’s not coming fresh from a restaurant, frozen is like the next best thing.  I cried when they closed their restaurants in  my area I thought they were ab fab.  My late partner liked them too.  I remember the last trip we made there I decided to look them up on my phone on the way because we thought they might be closing.  Turns out they went out of business weeks prior.  He really didn’t want pizza and he laughed at me.  I was not happy.

I stopped in Sam’s club.  They didn’t have ink for my printer which was disappointing.  They did have the chocolate covered blueberries that I wanted, kleenex in bulk and soda.  Checked out of there and it was spitting rain.  I decided time to come home.

Unloaded all of the junk and told the kids I would be going out later. Wound up taking a nap.  Tried to start out sleeping with big boy but he wasn’t interested.  He lapped up the attention for a few minutes then he bolted away from me.  Fine I didn’t want to sleep on the floor anyway.  Got on the love seat and was trapped.  Momma and Taz were with me.  That was awkward.  Eventually Taz left and momma reposiited herself and I fell asleep.

Woke up, dropped of a prescrption at the pharmacy.  I wanted to go in so I could hopefully see some eye candy at the pharmacy but decided against it and went through the drive up.  Wise choice because the guys were not working.  Headed to the post office where I got a EOB for my late partner.  He was using catheters because of urination problems.  Well this EOB was for lube for the catheters and the provider charged $202 for lube.  I mean seriously the stuff was in small packets and there were like 5 or 10 of them.  They are still in his room with the catheters.  They said he might be billed $7 yeah well send the bill and I will tell you what I told everyone else, he is dead good luck collecting!

I was in the truck and decided it needed a work out so I went out for a bite to eat.  I went to a place that I had only been to once before.  It was new and friends recently told me the crowd died down.  Yeah not the case at all.  I waited 15 minutes for a table.  Got to see some eye candy in the process so it wasn’t a total lost cause but I wasn’t too happy.  Food was good.  Went back to pick up my prescription and damn if one of the cute guys I liked waited on me.  I wished I would have went in.  Ah, well.  Then headed over to the local office supply store got my ink for my printer and picked up Turbo Tax.

I have decided I am going to trust Turbo Tax as we have for years and if there is a problem I will deal with it after the fact.  I think for what I am filing for myself and him that this will be fine.  I just have to wait to get all of the paperwork in hand before I can file.  It has to be in the mail by the 15th of next month but it could be a week or two after before it all comes trickling in.  I want the mortgage interest statement because that will yield him a refund (so I think) and I need the money. 

Came home unloaded, watched some TV and then got to work on the computer.  It was late had my Uno’s pizza it was okay not nearly as good as I had anticipated it would be.  Watched another movie called Keeping Up with the Joneses interesting but sad.  Went to bed.

Sunday

Woke up at 4am the cats wanted to be fed.  I ignored them and went to my late partners room to fall back to sleep.  Woke up around 6, went back to sleep and then got up for good at 9.  Fed the children.  Finished off what was left of the frozen pizza, which tasted a little better cold than it did warm. 

Went catfishing with the children.  That is my way of saying we played.  I tied a ball with a bell on it to the end of a fishing pole and wave it in front of them.  They all go nuts over try to get the ball.  It’s fun but I get tired pretty quickly.  Once I was confident they got a good work out, I got dressed and headed off for the grocery store.  Noticed a hell of a line at the car wash.  Glad I wasn’t in it. 

Got to the store, found a primo parking spot.  In and out fairly quickly.  Didn’t think I would spend that much but I did.  I got a lot of comfort food and gave in to desires I shouldn’t have.  Wound up with an $87 because of that.  Packed up headed to the gas station and then home. 

Unloaded everything, resumed laundry.  Looked up a few things on the internet, surfed for porn and well here I am.  The laundry needs attention and I would rather go back to bed.  I just hate Sunday’s because it means Monday is around the corner.  The thought of going back to the hell hole isn’t much fun but it does keep me going and pays the bills. 

I can only hope and pray that this week goes fast and that I get a lot accomplished.  I will be dropping a bomb on the boss within the next week or two.  Microsoft has issued End Of Life Support for Windows XP and Office 2003.  Which means if you are using them after the end of life date, which is in April and you are regulated by FINRA, HIPPA or some other alphabet soup Act you will be in non compliance and to avoid problems you will need to upgrade or if there is an audit you will be found in violation.  We are non compliant in so many areas what is one more.  However, I am going to tell him about it and recommend that he purchase new machines.  That means I will be going back to machine hell but it also means he is going to have to spend some money.  Most of the equipment is older and there are a fair number of people still using XP and Office 2003.  The end users will be happy to get new machines but he won’t like it because he has to spend money.  The alphabet soup Acts I mentioned require businesses to spend money to be in compliance and it’s far less expensive to comply than to pay for violations. 

Time to tend to the laundry and maybe take a break for TV.  Which will probably lead to a nap.  Been drinking Pineapple Juice I love that stuff.  Think I will polish off the entire bottle today.  That is how much I enjoy it. 

Take care, stay warm, be safe and enjoy the week ahead.  Remember every thing in life is only temporary.  Talk with you peeps later.

Cold Thursday

We are once again in the deep freeze.  When I woke up this morning it was 1 degree and now it’s warmed up to 8 degrees.  This should only last until tomororw and then we are supposed to return to normal temperatures but there appears to be snow in the forecast.  Not exactly sure how much. 

So Justin Bieber is back in the news again.  This time for being arrested.  Sounds like things may have caught up with him.  He is clearly out of control and needs something or someone to take him down a notch.  While he has the looks and money – it’s his actions and reactions that are the problem.  Didn’t he come from “nowhere” like you and I and he made his own dreams come true.  Why then would he act the way he does?  That just doesn’t seem right but I guess fame and money went to his head. 

I talked with my friend last night and she agreed to proof my book.  When ever I decide that it’s done.  I’ve got the basic shell there from start to finish but there needs to have more details filled in, some edited, etc.  It’s a work in progress.  If I publish, it’s just to get my story out there and to show people that we fought for everything we got and in the blink of an eye it can all be gone. 

This morning I received a call from a FL law firm that I had previously reached out to for help with the mortgage.  While they have an A- raiting with the BBB I am not certain that their tactics are completely above board and would fly with my lender.  They told me that I am getting the run around, it takes 3 months to approve a modification and I’ve been going at this for far too long.  Yeah, but what is my choice?  If I go with them the first thing they tell you is to stop making your house payment.  Yeah, that might work under normal circumstances but in my case the borrower is deceased so if I just stop paying they may try to foreclose.  For the moment I am taking my chances with the local attorney and the new point of contact at the lender.  If the bankruptcy attorney gets back to me in a timley fashion (gasp, that won’t happen) I may consider making my own payment modification.  I do agree I am getting the run around and they are trying to take me for as much money as I will give them.  But I’m scared and they have me in a tight spot so they can extort and play on that.  Eventually though push will come to shove.  Something has to give!

Yesterday I left the office early to go install a machine at one of the local offices.  I got lost on the way there.  The hardest part is finding my way on the interstate  There have been some recent changes with on ramps in the area so I wound up way out of my way.  Eventually I got on the right track and made it there.  I so hate GPS systems when they take you in a loop. 

So I left the office at 2:30 and made it there by 3:20.  Then it was dust and cable city.  Transferred some data, installed some last minute additional software and viola I was done.  It was 4:10 by now.  No point in going back, I just went home.  The children were delighted to see me, they tried to con an extra meal out of me but that didn’t work out so well for them. 

Latley I have been having trouble staying asleep.  When there is even the slightest imbalance in my life I will wake up in the middle of the night.  I’ve tried different combonation sleeping pills.  Not eating or drinking after a certain time, etc.  nothing seems to work.  I also have strange dreams, as if I am living my life with my late partner and he is there like nothing ever went wrong.  So I think the imbalance is the loss of him plus the other stress at work and financially.  I can only hope that a good nights sleep is in my future.  Sooner rather than later.  Sometimes I have problems getting back to sleep but most times its just a matter of curling up and I am out. 

So you know how good you feel after you have an orgasm?  Stress, trouble and problems are all gone for but a few minutes.  I need someway to flush out my system with all of the stress and worry.  Orgasms don’t cut it.  Sure it feels good but honestly it’s very temporary.  My sex drive is messed up a little as well.  Sometimes physically I am in the mood but mentally my body says nope, not interested.  Sort of like not tonight I have a headache. 

My struggle to find a release is on going and has been for quite sometime.  I don’t want to pick up a bad habit or get involved with anything illegal.  I just wish I could pull the steam valve and let out all of the bad.

Big Boy seems to be back to normal.  He came in last night and was huffing and puffing but I lulled him to sleep with petting, scratching and a belly rub.  He loves those.  So I sit lopsided in front of the TV taking care of him while trying to enjoy TV and fending off the other cats asking for attention.  If I stop with him, he cries.  It’s like a no win situation but I do try my best.  I stopped with the stool softener to see what kind of effect it is going to have.  I hate seeing blood and the poor thing will give himself a hemroid and then he will have something to cry about. 

I still have yet to receive my calendar with the hunky repair guys on them.  I filled out a form requesting another one today.  I’m thinking maybe they see my first name and go, nope not sending it to a guy.  I mean I can see it being a good joke to pull on a straight male friend but there are some guys who like guys.  I just wish they would send it already!

Bills are paid, have plenty of money left over.  There should be more bills rolling in soon.  One of which will be the credit card I have been using like candy.  That is the only thing that I really sweat about.  I don’t like paying interest so I strive and pride myself on just taking a 30 day loan and paying it off.  That is the best and only way to use a credit card.  The accident really put me in deeper than normal.  Hopefully the bulk of the left over money will be able to go to the credit card and then I should be in good shape or so I hope.

One banana left on the kitchen table means there is only one work day left. That is good because I will be able to rest but bad because Monday will be here soon and that means the hot head will be back.  Not looking forward to his return.  Then again I never look forward to a Monday. 

Lunch time is over with so back to the grind I go.  Stay warm and I will talk with you peeps later.

Tuesday

The one day I plan on leaving early the two people who can write permission slips to get equipment out of the building decide to not show up to work.  There was a little snow and most of the office decided to stay home today.  There are a few of us that are dedicated or crazy (take your pick) that made it in.  I was the first one here and had 15 minutes to spare.  I’m damn proud of that!

I saw a job this morning and applied for it.  Like most jobs it says that a degree with required, that never stops me I apply anyway.  Well this place wrote me and said do you have a degree.  I said no but I have over 10 years experience.  To which they responded sorry no degree = no job.  Ah well, you get what you pay for.  Hopefully the monkey they hire that has a degree has an ounce of smarts.  Totally their loss.  I will have lots of other employers to pick from.  This one was fairly close to home so it would have been nice. 

In talking with a vendor today that does business locally they are all working from home.  They said the roads are horrible out.  Ah, okay I’ve got front wheel drive and know not to drive real fast I can weather it.  It’s 17 degrees here so that is why I think most people just stayed inside because it’s comfy.

Learned something today.  If you have an iPhone and transition to a Android phone or to anything other than an iPhone you have to tell Apple to delete your phone number, otherwise people with iPhones won’t be able to text you.  Reason is that Apple has a closed network for iPhone users and it sends text messages from Apple Devices to Apply Devices at no charge with iMessage.  Now I knew about iMessage and that it was free, meaning that it doesn’t go against your text messaging counter.  However, I didn’t know that they retained your number in their network until you told them otherwise.  I figured the carrier would tell them you got a different device.  No such luck.  So tuck that way for a rainy day, you never know when it will help someone.  The phone number for Apple is 800.275.2273 just in case you need to call.

Anxious to visit the post office and hoping that my calendar with the hot and hunky repair men is waiting for me.  I am sure the bulk of my mail with either be junk or bills – or both. 

Supper tonight is left over pressed chicken with mac & cheese.  I figured that would be the best way to get rid of the chicken and make sure that I didn’t have to throw it away.  It should be a filling meal. 

I watched Looking that new HBO series all about gay men.  Well it’s no Queer As Folk but I will certainly stick with it a bit more.  Not all that interested but who knows it may become appealing.  On the other hand I miss Ian on Shameless – I know he’s away in the military and his family thinks he ran away.  However, the character is gay, young and a ginger – cute too.  What more could you ask for?  Yeah I know an in person meeting. 

Big Boy delivered the present I was waiting for.  Turns out it was all good and the medicine seems to help him.  Less blood so I gave him another dose.  I hope it provides the same results.  I heard him breathing last night, wheezing away.  It is a bad thing when you hear that.  I know he is sliding further down the hill.  However, he still has energy and those eyes that look up at me and make my heart melt.  He’s my big black boy and I love him!

Okay so I am struggling for content.  Time to hand this post up and get back to work or maybe just find something else to do to pass the time.  :) other than work.  Talk with you peeps later.  Stay warm!

Monday

It’s another Monday!  On the way to work I wondered where is all of the traffic at?  I left the house late because I was playing with BLU and being lazy.  Then it hit me, today is a holiday.  Well that is for some people, not me.  Our next holiday is Presidents Day which is the 17th of February and it falls on a Monday.  Nice. 

Today has been a day where I chase my tail and caused most of my own problems.  Not exactly sure why that is but it’s the way things went down.  I acomplished a little bit.  Tomorrow hopefuly will be a more productive day.  I will be heading out early to deliver a machine to one of the local offices, I am in control so I figure later in the afternoon so that I don’t have to drive back here, I can just go home.  If that works out it will be nice.

I heard back from my attorney, the mortgage company needs more information.  She said that they meaning the mortgage company are supposed to be in touch with me.  I wrote her back and said words to the effect of this is not a game and I am no longer interested in the back and forth.  Tell me what they need and  will get it.  Each month my money decreases, I suspect they are just waiting to either see how much they can collect or if they can drain me dry.  I am ready to just make the payment modification on my own and short them by $500 perhaps that will kick things into gear.  Everyone told me before you are paying them on time they have no interest in working with you.  Fall behind and they will work with you.  It’s tempting, very tempting. 

I purposely didn’t say hello to the lady that is always trying to change me and she sought me out later in the morning.  She said you didn’t say hey, I looked up and said hey.  That got her out of my office.  I will make a point of saying hey tomorrow but not sure that I will continue beyond that.  It’s obvious that the two women want a friendship but neither one of the are including me, why stick my head in where I am not wanted. 

15 more minutes then I will be out of this popsicle and on my way home to the children.  Going to feed them, eat supper and then take out the trash.  A little R&R in front of the computer and then upstairs I will be for the remainder of the evening, if it all works out.  I am fairly certain that I will have a mess to clean up because of the stool softener that I gave Big Boy.  He didn’t go at all yesterday so today it will be lookout day.  I figured he would have woke me up last night but it didn’t happen.

That’s it right now for my life.  I am happy to say it’s boring and maybe soon will be able to report that the mortgage issue has finally worked out.  Have a good evening and I will talk with you peeps later.

Sunday

Made it to the weekend!  I did relax and do nothing Friday night when I got home, other than put away cat food, feed the kids and myself.  I watched TV until I was tired and went to bed.  Skipped the kids medicine as well as brushing my teeth.  Put some lotion on my hands because they were dry and that was it.  Lazy as lazy can be.  It felt good!

I never did get the phone call from friends that I was expecting.  I thought I would just go out myself but talked myself out of it.  This is the first weekend in I can’t tell you how long that I have eaten at home for all of my meals.  Not bad and it’s saving me money so that is a good thing. 

Saturday I got out to get the mail, got nothing good and came back home.  Laid around and did some laundry.  Helped my brother with his resume.  Cleaned out the cat boxes and started laundry.  Got the dishes done.  Managed to get a nap in.  Worked on the book some more. 

The shell for what I want to say is there.  There are many more things to include and edit.  It will take me sometime to finish it up.  I’ve only told my brother that I am writing a book.  If I move to publish it I sure hope it makes me some money.  It is my story so I take it personal.  Maybe it will help someone or benefit someone in some way.  That and just airing my thoughts are the two reasons why I want to publish.

On to work.  Friday I went out to lunch with the 2 gals in the office I am friends with.  I can’t help but feeling like the 5th wheel.  They both hardly talked to me but chatted each other up.  Then they started talking about work stuff and said oh we shouldn’t talk about that with him here it’s confidential.  Yeah, like who am I going to tell.  I don’t think I will be asking them to lunch again.  The next move will be theirs.  Both of them really hurt my feelings and I am starting to reevaluate if they are my friends or if they are just users.  Thoughts are leaning towards users. 

By a user I am just using me to get what they want or to get special favors.  The one girl is constantly giving me advice and telling me that I can’t say Oh My God it’s Oh My Gosh.  I can’t sware to God.  You can’t change me – I am who I am.  I will say what I want and be who I want to be that is that.  I am 42 years old and I am human.  I make mistakes, I say things on occasion that I don’t mean.  But I hate someone trying to mold me into their person.  Just another reason why I need to get away from this bat shit crazy office.

I so want a new job, new friends and a new outlook on life.  Face it you spend most of your waking hours at work.  No wonder things look so crappy to me it’s because I am surrounded by mind controlling idiots.  I have very little freedom and it’s an environment that is toxic.  Change that and you will change my world and my view point.  I might as well be happy and broke instead of depressed and broke. 

One of these ladies is a workaholic she will come in at 8 and stay until 6 or 7 at night.  Not me, but she thinks I should show more dedication to my job.  FUCK THAT!  The other lady comes in when she gets there and always leaves before me.  That t-totally pissed me off.  She is HR for God Sake what kind of example does that set? 

So I get the bright idea to leave early one night by 10 minutes.  Turns out that is the night they decided to fire someone and notify me at the 11th hour.  If I would have stayed in the office I could have had her access terminated in minutes.  Instead I scrambled to do it once I got home.  My responses clearly said hey I left early today without me ever uttering those words.  Not a good thing. 

See that is just my luck I break the rules and I get caught.  Someone else breaks the rules and they skate away free and clear.  Makes no sense to me. 

I am still applying for jobs as I see them.  I almost accidentally applied for a job that was based in Dallas.  So glad I read the fine print.  You have to be careful for what you sign up for. 

Today being Sunday it’s laundry finish up day.  I went to the grocery store, got gas for the car and decided to get the car washed.  Saw a fine man at the car wash.  Then came home unloaded the groceries, got the laundry going and here I sit typing away.  I’ve got one of the girls pestering me for lunch so I guess I will give into her as much as I don’t want to.

Talk with you peeps later. 

Painful 2 Days

Preparing for this legal matter has created a lot of stress for me.  Thankfully the big event was today so tomorrow will hopefully be a bit easier on me.  I’ve got computers crashing all over the place and a couple machines to build.  Argh!

Tomorrow is Friday so that is the good news.  Not exactly sure what I will do this weekend but I know tomorrow night won’t involve a computer if I can help it.  I like to make Friday nights my lazy night.  I got cat food shopping and then come home and eat & spend a lot of time on the couch watching TV.

We had some snow this morning so the commute was a little bit longer than normal and lots of delays but all in all not that bad. 

Children are all doing okay for the most part.  Shy Girl I think doesn’t feel well.  I gave her a reprieve last weekend so this weekend it’s claw trimming time.  She isn’t looking forward to it and neither am I.  However, it’s one of those necessary evils.  I got Big Boy last night, Momma tonight.  So slowly I start and cat by cat I will finish.  As fast as I cut them they go sharpen them up, which kind of defeats the purpose. 

Got an e-mail from Target that I my information was compromised in the data breach.  I am not all too worried about it, I already have identify theft monitoring from the breach last year at Adobe.  I think I am safe but who really knows.  You wouldn’t think anyone would want to assume my identity but they will be quick to use my credit card.  I wish I could become someone else that has a more glamorous life and lots more money.  It won’t solve all of my problems but would certainly help.  On that note not a single lottery number this week.  Drats!  I have to keep on working. 

Looking forward to resting and getting back to book writing.  My brother needs some resume help so he will be calling.  No word from my friends on getting together but they could still call.

I am headed up to watch TV with the kids and find something for my dry skin.  My hands get it the worst.  Funny thing is it used to only be my elbows of all places.  Now they are fine but my hands are not.  Itchy and they feel like sandpaper.

Going to lunch tomorrow with the girls from work – hope we have a good time.  Boss man will be out for a while so there should be peace on earth.  Be nice if he never came back, but all good things must come to an end.  Sort of like this post.  Talk with you peeps later!

Just keeps getting better - 2014

Got my baby back, all clean and the whole car looks brand new.  You can’t tell there is a new rear bumper.  Nice!

My ride was waiting for me when I returned the car.  I got a nice hot 25 year old guy who is close to being 26 to drive me back to the body shop.  We chatted it up a while.  I thought about making a move but decided to let it go.

Got the mail and hope your sitting down.  As of next month I no longer have to pay for Health Insurance, it’s totally free!  This benefit should continue for the remainder of my life or until a contract supersedes it.  I was notified that I am a protected member.  Hey I will take it, not having to pay $16 a month is healthier for me.  The coverage isn’t top notch, but it’s not horrible either. 

I went out for Tacos and shoveled down 4 of them.  Paid my bill and was on my way home.  I thought sure fate would have me get into a wreck but I made it no harm, no foul.  I put all of my goodies back in and will be oh too happy to drive it to work tomorrow.  I’ve got an early appointment so I will have to be quick to get out of here tomorrow. 

I am going to enjoy a nice evening with the children, watch some TV and relax.  I’d love to write but I think I will get more benefits out of relaxing.  Plus I need some ice cream. 

Looking forward to the weekend, hope that my friends call to make plans with me.  We hinted at it when we spoke last week.  If so I will be able to use my other gift card for Maggiano’s.  Love that place!

Hope the year is treating you all well thus far.  It’s times like these that make me feel this is going to be my year.  I sure hope I am right. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Baby Back

Just got a call my car is done.  They said 2 days but it was more like a 1 day repair.  I was quite surprised.  I was planning on getting it tomorrow but since they called early enough, I let my boss know and I will be leaving in a bit to go through the process of getting it back. 

I have to drop the rental car off, then wait for them to find a person to give me a ride to the shop.  Then pay up at the shop and I can be on my way in my baby. 

I look forward to seeing the finished product and kind of hope they washed it as well, but that may be asking a bit much. 

The excitement is in the air and I can’t wait to get back in to familiar surroundings.  Driving this boat they gave me really sucks.  I was just starting to get used to it today but why keep it another day if I don’t have to. 

My prayer is that this all comes together better than it started out. 

Sigh.

It’s been a busy day and I was being productive but then that call came in and it’s like throw caution to the wind, time to go.

Depending upon the time, I might even go out for supper.  It’s taco night at the bar and they are $1.50 each – 3 or 4 of them and a soda = a cheap meal and I don’t have to worry about it when I get home. 

Then all I have to do is feed the monsters. 

Oh I was browsing the net today and the repair company I chose to fix the furnace is offering a calendar of their men – some shirtless.  It’s free so I signed up for a copy, sure hope the guy that fixed my furnace is in there shirtless.  Drool.

Talk with you peeps later.

Book Time

I have decided to write a book, not certain if I will publish it.  I started writing last night and before I knew it time had escaped me.  I wanted to be upstairs by 8pm so that I could catch Shameless.  I made it but was about 5 minutes late.  I am disappointed because Ian isn’t on, he is away in the military and he was the whole reason why I watched the show.

Back to the book.  I find it so liberating and it’s like I get to relive my past.  It is truly an amazing experience.  I am sure when I get to the part about him passing that will conger up a lot of memories.  A friend of mine is a published author but I believe she writes about history and stuff like that.  When I am done I will ask her if she will proof it and let me know what to change or add.  After hashing out some things with her I will make the decision to publish or not to publish.  There are some concerns I have and will have to get them addressed and/or resolved before I can make a final decision.  In the meantime I am having the time of my life in writing.

Today was kind of a bust day.  I got to the body shop early, the rental car company was late in picking me up, they didn’t have a car ready for me despite the fact there was a reservation made well in advance.  The car they gave me has damage on it and didn’t even have a full tank of gas.  I am not happy.  I thought I would be like an hour late.  No more like 2 hours late.  I took my late partners handicapped sign with me because I knew the spots in the garage would be filled up and I was right.  That is the only thing that went according to plan.

I was slightly productive today.  I was dismayed because one of the new people just up and quit.  She was so happy with her new job and she really enjoyed it and then poof she is gone.  I don’t know what was up with that but they replaced her by shuffling staff.  Of course I saw this happen but no one has formally told me so the new person doesn’t have the right access but I am sure that will all get changed in time. 

Boss man wasn’t in today and just a little bit ago I got a message saying that we could wear jeans the rest of the week.  Like it’s a big deal to get to wear jeans.  I mean I used to enjoy it but this job has me so ticked off that the little things don’t matter.  Can’t wait to move on.

I left a little bit early because it wasn’t quite dark yet and I don’t know where the blind spots are so I had to get a jump on things.  I thought about just driving home and taking the truck tomorrow but I think I will drive the rental.  I made it without any problems.  I even stopped to get gas $6.02 and the needle didn’t even move.  It’s got a fourth of a tank, just as long as that is what is says when I take it back.  My car will be ready in 2 days and trust me when I say those will be the longest two days of my life.  I suspect that I will get it back on Wednesday, I figure they will call me tomorrow late and tell me that it’s done.  Then I will let them know that I will be there on Wednesday to pick it up.  Since we had so many problems today, I will be sure to leave ample time so that I don’t get stuck w/o my car.  I have to return the rental and then they will give me a ride to the body shop.  The body shop is prompt in opening and closing so I don’t want to be late.  Otherwise that could spell trouble. 

Now I am going to try to enjoy my evening, away from the computer.  More snow coming my way – oh joy.  Stay warm and be careful out there.  Talk with you peeps later.

Reminders …everywhere

I find reminders of my late partner everywhere.  Today I was at the grocery store and waiting my turn in line to checkout.  I saw the candy, which seems innocuous.  I saw the Altoids and remembered the time he bought them, had a couple and then went down on me.  It was refreshingly cool.  Good times!  It seems no matter where I go I can find something that reminds me of him or think of a memory that we shared together.  I suppose that is what happens when you are together for 20 plus years and he becomes part of you and you part of him. 

Normally I would tell you how much of an unlucky guy I am, have won very few things in my life.  However, I was a lucky guy the day I met my late partner.  I had no idea of the road ahead and what triumphs it would bring and what challenges we would have to face.  I never would have ever though I was building a life with him, it was like we were best friends.  Time quickly got away from me and here I am in my 40’s looking back on what was. 

I am not exactly sure what I would say but I would like to write a book about our life together, thinking that it would touch someone and maybe move someone to not be afraid of love.  In general to get my story out there but also to hopefully help people appreciate life.  Then I think well there isn’t anything too special that the public would want to read I mean it’s no Bridegroom but there are things that we have in common.  Trying to get funding and getting a publisher would be a challenge as well.  The funding part I know I could start a kick starter but have no idea how much money it would cost. 

In normal news… I woke up around 8, left the house around 9 and went to breakfast.  I have a few coupons for 20% off at Denny’s.  They were full and their parking lot was still quite a mess from the snow storm.  Apparently they don’t pay their contractor that well or they just have a lousy contractor to remove snow and ice.  So I skipped that and went to Steak N Shake.  I ordered a bunch of food and was surprised when it came to $9.  Breakfast is one of my favorite meals and it’s cheap!

From there I went to the grocery store.  Where I returned the touch up polisher that I got in the wrong color.  They gave me cash for it instead of crediting it to my card.  I picked up lottery tickets and then did regular shopping.  I really want to make Spaghetti but chickened out and didn’t get anything for it.  My premade snack sandwiches that I take for lunch were not made so I had to buy a large sub that I will cut down.  I hate to improvise but you do what you have to.  I did pickup some Hot Dog Buns and Hot Dogs so I can have chili dogs.  The Old ElPaso frozen items I usually buy fell in price by $2, which is really good news.  I dropped $70 and didn’t get a whole lot.  Just enough for basic survival.  Supper tonight is frozen pizza.  I am looking forward to it. 

From there I came home and put everything away.  I threw my clothes into the dryer and am waiting on them.  Took care of charting my expenses and then decided to fag up my office.  I am 42 and still feel like a 16 year old.  I have photos of guys up all over down here.  Back then it would have just been clothed pictures of teen heartthrobs but now it’s naked photos of porn stars.  I do have a recent photo of NPH sipping on a drink by the pool on what was the last day of his vacation.  He’s got no shirt on and a pair of swim trunks.  I got the photo from his Instagram.  It sounds silly but it makes me feel good so that is why I do it.  My late partner didn’t like it but since it was my space (before there was a myspace) he let me do as I please. 

The best invention ever would be if someone could create a time machine where it would let us travel back in time, like in Back to the Future.  I could at least go back and live a care free life instead of having to worry about the problems of today.  Wishful thinking and I know I am not alone, lots of people would or could use it for different things.  Perhaps to even change what the future brings.  I just plain miss him and today is an okay day but I still feel like a good cry. 

Need to go upstairs and straighten up my closet.  Shave my whiskers and get a shower.  I can tell you that it will be a while before most of that happens.  I will go upstairs, sit on the couch resume a movie I started watching last night before bed and then probably wind up taking a nap.  At least I am predictable if nothing else. 

Yesterday I saw this pork flatbread sandwich they had at the pie place.  Makes me want to drive back up just for that.  However, I picked up some chicken that is done, just heat it up and put some sauce on it.  That is probably as close as I will get to that sandwich for a while.  Although the truck could use a little bit of a work out.  I will stay home and enjoy the day with the children.

Ron White recently posted on FB that a dishwasher full of clean dishes is referred to as a cabinet.  I like his thinking, but need to empty my dishwasher anyway. 

Enjoy your Sunday and I will talk with you peeps later.

The Pie Shop

I went to bed late, woke up feeling lazy.  Also since I left my bedroom door open, I didn’t get much sleep.  Blu started his antics early to get the others mad and they made noise and presto daddy is awake.  I closed my door for a little while but that didn’t last long, he kept at it.  Finally having enough I left and went to my late partners bed, where I eventually fell into a nice slumber.  One of the girls woke me up and I looked at the clock and oh my it was 10.

I went to feed the little monsters and noticed that it was only 9.  Ah, yes I forgot that I forgot to roll his clock back 1 hour.  They say when you get older the memory is the first thing to go, I forget what goes second.  :)

I watched Novocain with Steve Martin in it.  I have seen it before but it was nice to watch it again.  Then I got sleepy so I went back to bed.  It was noon when I laid down and 2pm when I woke up. 

Yes, I fed the monsters lunch.  Then I got dressed and shoved off.  I had a problem getting my sudafed rx refilled.  I filled it once from the web, that didn’t take.  The clerk filled it again last night so I could pick it up today.  That didn’t work.  Then I filled it from the mobile app and that worked, but since insurance doesn’t cover it, they didn’t fill it.  So when I went to pick it up this evening I had to wait for it.  It’s time like that I hate the pharmacy. 

I got the mail and bills and junk were what were delivered.  I also got my copy of Out Magazine.  Haven’t looked through it yet, but will soon. 

Then I debated about where to eat at and finally talked myself into driving to The Pie Place.  Just as I was about to enter the freeway/interstate I remembered that I forgot the coupon for my free slice of pie.  See I told you the memory goes first.  Ah, to hell with it I just went. 

It was a nice drive but my mind was all over the place.  I am consumed with worry about my job and about money.  Eventually I put that behind me and started to enjoy the music.  It wasn’t until I was almost home that I was in a little better mood.  It faded quickly but it was there for a bit.  The drive this time seemed more like work and less like relaxation.  It was helpful to clear my mind a little, plus it gave me something to do.  If there is nothing to do then I just go to sleep – my body’s natural reaction.

So what did I have?  Well I ordered a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup with Crackers.  Not bad.  Then a Ruben Sandwich.  He (Ruben) tasted delicious, so much that I wanted a 2nd one but didn’t get it.  Desert was Brownie Pie Alamode.  It wasn’t that good, honest!  I should have stuck with my original favorite of Celebration.  As I was leaving I saw a Mexican place down the road from the pie place.  Next time I may go to the Mexican place and then stop in for a slice of pie.

I was surprised to see pie place was remolded on the inside.  TV’s, new furniture and a fake fireplace.  Looked really good!

Looking for a job is a full time job.  I have been on LinkedIn last night and again tonight.  I have so many requests out to people I know to join my network.  I looked over my profile, all is good.  I have applied for a few jobs this week on the app.  I like a couple clicks and presto your app is submitted.  I see jobs in LA that really look attractive.  Not just LA but other parts of the US.  I really, really want to move.  Problem is no support network, no money and timing is way off.  So staying put and trying to hopefully find a job where I can be treated better and make a much better living. 

Talked with a friend last night.  He told me that his place had an opening but the pay was really low.  He talked with his boss about bumping it up and his boss said no.  He would rather promote from within than bring an outsider in at a higher wage.  Yeah, okay!  It didn’t make him happy.  I could care less.  I would have to drive a million miles to get to work and then I know I would be in a better place but I would have to learn the lay of the land all over.  My friend is actually a former co-worker from the job where one of the guys came up with the phrase elhomo.  Which is how I named my blog.  I just though it was hysterical, especially since no one knew I was gay.  Funny how things come together.

As porky pig says, that is all folks.  Nothing else worth talking about. Tomorrow I will take the truck (if it starts) and venture to the grocery store.  I have to clean out my car so that it’s ready to take to the auto body repair place on Monday.  The good news is the tank in the car is full so it will cost less to fill up next week since it will be out of commission for the bulk of the week. 

Now I am hungry again so time to search for something to eat and watch a little TV then off to bed again.  Snow is mostly gone, temps are up and the furnace doesn’t have to run as often.  Take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Friday

The best day of the entire week is finally here.  Can’t wait to be done with this work day and be free.  Although I have work to do at home, it’s not quite the same as working for a living. 

We are certainly getting the rain they predicted and it’s super foggy outside so driving in the dark will probably be quite a challenge.  I have to hit up the Post Office, Walgreens and The Cat Food Store before I can go home.  If push comes to shove I will skip the other two and head straight for Cat Food.  They need it really bad, being home this week they got more food than normal.

Last night I wanted to kill BLU.  He keeps getting behind my TV and causing choas in my entertainment center.  Last night he managed to sever the cable connection in the wall.  It was connected but loose so I wasn’t getting a strong enough signal for TV.  I spent 30 minutes with the cable company and they told me I needed a new box.  Then I got the idea of hooking the cable up to the TV and seeing what the picture looked like.  Turns out it was very snowy you could hear audio but picture was crap.  So I changed connections on the splitter and that didn’t help.  So the only thing left was to pull the jack off the wall and examine it.  I have enough slack that I could hook that cable up to my TV and when I did the crappy picture was all I got.  So there I was frustrated, fuming and wishing my guy was still around.  He could fix stuff like that in a jiffy.  It took me twice as long as it would him but eventually it came together.  I had an awesome picture and put everything back the way it was, cleaned up my mess and drank a bottle of water.  Went to bed late. 

I say that I had an awesome picture because I have no idea what BLU has done to it today.  I really yelled at him and it seemed like the more I yelled the more he aggravated others.  What a ball of energy.  I know that unless something changes I will have to do something about him.  I have been thinking about what I can do to deter him from creating a clammity for me as well as potentially getting electrocuted.  He doesn’t realize how much danger there is lurking in those wires.  He isn’t a chewer which is good but he is curious and loves to hide and jump around.  My bigger fear is that he will knock over my TV, which I paid cash for when I got this job as a reward to myself.  I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it because now it will happen. 

I had given though to eating out tonight since it’s been a hell of a week but decided it’s better to go home.  I may travel tomorrow and that will be my treat if I do.  Otherwise, I will visit some place local, no eating at home tomorrow.  I liked the balance I got from shopping on Saturday vs Sunday, so I may do that again not sure.  I have to have a purpose for getting out of bed, otherwise I will be there all day long. 

So other than wanting to go home, there isn’t anything major going on at the moment.  Thank God.  A break and some calm is quite nice.  Monday is the big day for the car.  Still no acknowledgement from the boss.  Ah well.

Everyone enjoy your weekend, I will certainly try to do the same.  Short lived 2 days of freedom.  I can’t wait for nap time!  Talk with you peeps later. 

Thursday

This morning I headed the warning on TV about traffic being a mess.  It was snowing not major but just enough to muck things up.  I made it to work with 10 minutes to spare.  I allowed an hour and a half today, good thinking!  The snow ended by the time I got in.  Then this afternoon around 3pm I get a note that says we are closing early, work from home.  Okay, but since I was already there I just stayed.  No real reason to leave that early.  I planned on leaving at 4pm but of course hanging around meant that I was waiting for a problem to present it’s self and like clock work it did. 

This week has been full of technical problems, more so than a normal week.  It’s to the point where I didn’t get any project work done and I have to report that tomorrow, which I am sure won’t go over well but it is what it is. 

Remember the WIFI installs I did.  Well they didn’t go for true business class equipment, they bought a hybrid instead and spent way less money.  So now they want to have a guest network for visitors.  That means investing in more hardware if they would have just listened we could have avoided all of this.  I could create a second network from my desk at each place.  I am getting bids on two methods one is the right way for a business to operate and the other is the cheap way they want to run their business.  The cheap way will be the easiest but eventually we are going to run out of band-aids and they are going to have to face the music.  I’m sure my boss will scream when he finds out the price but I did what he told me to do it was either that or he was going to fire me then.  What he will do now is anyone's guess.

I sent a note today letting him know about my car and that I would be late on Monday.  I would expect a response indicating it was ok or to at least acknowledge receipt of the e-mail, but no he said nothing.  My paranoia is kicking in saying he will claim he never got the e-mail and then try to pull something.  I guess I will just have to stay tuned to find out.  What a shifty bastard!

Good news I was successful in getting out of jury duty this time.  I confirmed it tonight.  Not sure when I will spring that on him, but I know it should make him happy.  Thinking about telling him tomorrow but I am not sure. 

I at least got home early, had frozen lasagna and got to spend a little time with the kids.  Going back up shortly to give them a snack and prepare for yet another day of fun in the jungle. 

Getting laid might make me happier but having my money problems solved would truly make me happy! 

Increase in the temperature and rain coming tomorrow.  Commute should be interesting.  Talk with you peeps later.  Can’t wait until I get off work tomorrow.  I am coming home and not doing a damn thing!

Enjoy your weekend, stay warm and be careful.  Talk with you peeps later.

Back to the grind

I ventured in today.  The hardest part was getting out of the subdivision.  They always do a lousy job of clearing the snow.  Make it to the main streets and they are all in pretty good shape.  It took me about an hour and a half to get to work this morning, yes I was late but only by 20 minutes.  I had the attitude that I will be there when I get there.  When I saw I would be late I sent my boss an e-mail.  I’ve only been late 1 other time and it was due to traffic and rain.  I got a reply from him then but today nothing.  He really doesn’t care for me, but the feeling is mutual.  Thankfully he pretty well left me alone today.  That “talk” we were supposed to have was just his way of trying to intimidate me.  Those things usually never come to fruition because he is old and he forgets!

The one big legal case that I am in is really starting to kick my ass.  I mentioned another finding today to our attorney and once again I was told that I need to start taking the lead and ask about other obvious things, like in this case.  Doing what your told doesn’t cut it, you have to ask questions, probe and make sure everything is covered.  Yeah, well you don’t work for the same fucktard that I do.  I am learning some valuable things so the next case that comes my way should be a breeze, that is if I ever get access to the archived e-mail.  Since my boss no longer trusts me I am not so sure that will happen.  He lets me have barley enough access to do my job.  What he fails to realize is that I can see every document, get into every file and if I wanted to create quite a calamity for them.  However, that wouldn’t serve me or them, so why waste the time.  I just can’t wait to get away from this place.

Today was a very busy day and tomorrow looks to be the same.  I have lots of different things to do.  People always ask me are you busy and no matter what I say they always dump a bunch of work on me.  I never say I am not busy because that I learned a long time ago is an invitation to disaster.  I saw a co-worker get fired for answering that question with a no, I have nothing to do.  Duh, don’t ever say that bad things will happen.

My commute home took an hour and a half as well.  I went several different ways to avoid a backup but got stuck multiple times.  Hopefully, things are better tomorrow night.  The bad thing about getting home late is that the evening is shot real fast.  Barley enough time to have supper, 5 minutes with the kids and then it’s time for bed.

Last night Big Boy really bothered me.  He sounded all congested.  I was brushing my tooth and heard him breathing.  He was only right outside the bathroom door.  I can’t hear any of the other cats breathe, unless they are sleeping and then only sometimes.  He was just acting odd.  I thought the worst but picked him up and carried him to my room.  Just what my aching back needed.  Then he was just fine this morning.  He curled up in his bed.  He seemed eager this morning for his medicine.  Ah, this I think will be his last year but I am just taking it as it comes.  I pray for the best.  There is no preparing for death, even though I have been warned.  I heard about a new drug in humans that is injected multiple times over the course of weeks and it eats away scar tissue.  They used it to correct curved penis in humans.  I wonder if they injected the same drug into the cat if it would destroy the scar tissue and give him more life?  Even if it would, the cost would probably kill me.  Money is no longer an option  - I have to think before I spend, which really kills me. 

Okay so it’s starting to get late.  I have lots to do before bed.  So time to go do and then some rest.  Were getting more snow tonight but they promise it’s only a dusting.  Yeah, heard that one before.  Tomorrow I think a little snow but much warmer and Friday in the 40’s and rain.  Bye Bye Snow!  Can’t wait to have a clean driveway again.

I do miss the work from home days, there is no one to question my movements or eavesdrop on conversations and there is no back biting.  Ah, some day it will get better.

Oh last thing.  I won the lottery, nothing big.  Had the Big Ball (he he) and 1 number.  I think I get like $2 – I will invest it back into another ticket.  Thinking of buying a $5 scratch off ticket, it’s a lot to loose but the winnings are greater, plus the results are instant.  I think if I won $50k or $100k I would just tell my boss I am not coming back and take the rest of the year to find a new job.  It would be a lot of time on my hands but I could sure have a lot of fun.

Okay no more rambling, I am going for real this time.  Stay warm, be safe and I will talk with you peeps later.

Snow Day # 2

As you can guess by the title I stayed home today.  Turns out most of the office did the same thing.  I saw plenty of accidents on TV and even learned that the entrance ramp I take to get onto the freeway/interstate was blocked by a jacked knife tractor trailer.  So I am pleased as punch that I stayed in.

Today was much busier than yesterday.  I guess people were taking it slow yesterday.  A couple new people, some people locked out of their accounts, a cloud based system had issues.  Then there is my boss telling me that his system powered off over the weekend.  From what he tells me it applied Windows Updates.  His system is set so that he has to tell it when to apply the updates.  Well in the many updates that were applied was an update to IE, that caused problems with his ability to login to the banks website.  He was all upset and I asked to connect to his machine, he declined and asked me to give him instructions.  My oh my, just hammering home the point that I am not trusted anymore.  Okay, so I typed out instructions feverishly and then as soon as I sent them to him he comes back with never mind I fixed it myself.  Funny, 2 minutes to 5 he asks me to send him the number for tech support at the bank.  I guess the dumb ass didn’t fix it after all.  Duh!  It all pays the same for me and I honestly prefer not to deal with him and keep my distance so no skin off my back.

I started to dose off this afternoon and just in time I got a phone call that woke me up.  I did manage to watch a little TV today but not nearly as much as I got in yesterday.  I am so glued to this ID series Disappeared.  I kind of wish that I could disappear but be healthy, happy and live a nice life.  I know I have as much chance at that happening as I do at meeting the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. 

The children (cats) took full advantage of me today and begged for lunch and started asking for supper early.  I managed to get the trash out.  The latest on that is if they don’t pick it up tomorrow they will get it on Thursday.  Either way is fine by me.  It’s not like it’s going anywhere. 

Roads are still not in the best of conditions but I suspect by tomorrow morning things will have improved since they will be going over them yet another night.  Plenty of school closings.  I also found out that a pipe burst at work so the elevators to the parking garage are limited to 1.  That could take hours to get in and out of the building.  Sure hope they have it fixed by tomorrow morning. 

Unless something disastrous happens, I will try my very best to shuffle in tomorrow morning.  I am not looking forward to it but I have to go back sometime.  3 days won’t be so bad. 

Giving me a couple days at home has given me time to think, which is really dangerous right now.  First, I have solidified that I 100% have to get away from this job, it is killing me emotionally.  Second, I have had time to reflect about my partner and just looking at little things like the deep fryer or the tongs he used to use just makes me so sad.  I want to burst out crying.  I miss him so much.  I am really depressed and very much want out of this pain.  I want to take matters into my own hands but again the children are my concern.  Part of me says it would work out but the other part of me says it’s your job to ensure that it works out, that means you have to stick around.  The holidays, weather and being inside for a few days all probably contribute to this.  I was reflecting earlier and last time at this year he was alive and I believe bitching about a bladder infection.  God I’d love it if he would be here to complain.  This place is so lonely without him.  I see his doors closed and some how think that he will magically appear, but I know that will not happen. 

I am so tired of being run down, depressed, sad, grieving and lonely.  I am ready to get off this ride and find one that is more pleasurable to ride.  While I do think God is preventing me from meeting anyone right now, I eventually think that will change and someone will come into my life.  There aren’t many jobs out there but then again it’s still very much a new year.  I have applied for a couple things. 

I know that this is my forum and I can populate my post with whatever I want.  My preference is to write about daily life minus the depressing stuff.  I know really deep down no one wants to hear someone bitching and complaining all the time.  So while I don’t have to I want to apologize for the negativity that has increased in my posts since my life changing event of last April.  Losing the love of your life and the man that you have known for over half of your life is not an easy task.  The pain never stops.  I only have so many people I can call and I realize that I have really run my friends ragged.  I just feel bad about all of it.  I wish beyond what words can express that he didn’t die.  To add insult to injury, money is a constant worry.  I am okay for today but it’s tomorrow (as in the future) I worry about.  I don’t have much control over anything right now – feels like life it’s self is totally out of control. 

Well I am going to enjoy what evening I have left before I have to brave the elements to go see the Big Bad Wolf.  Here’s hoping tomorrow brings all of us happiness. 

Stay warm and be careful.  Talk with you peeps later.  <Hugs>

Snow Day #1

The word last night was plan on working from home today.  So I did just that.  I opened up my laptop and got e-mail going, turned on the TV and waited for something to happen.  I had a couple incidents that I needed to tend to but most of the day was spent watching TV and I did unintentionally fall asleep a couple times. 

Good thing I stayed home because Big Boy had some messes to clean up and TAZ had it coming out the other end.  Ugh that is the price I pay for having so many of them. 

My boss jumped on me today he thinks I am tracking peoples breaks or so he was told.  I denied it because it’s simply not true.  People throw other people under the bus for no reason at all.  He doesn’t take time to investigate he automatically takes people at their word and thinks its gospel when most often it’s BS.  If I had time to sit and keep track of peoples breaks then how in the world would I ever accomplish anything?  He made me mad and said that we have to talk this week.  Yeah, okay whatever. 

The word tonight on the news is that it’s okay to travel tomorrow but leave early and plan on being late.  Not all of the roads are in great shape but the commute should be okay.  So I prepared myself to go in tomorrow.

A short while ago I got a message saying that if we feel unsafe we should stay home.  My oh my, I think I feel unsafe and will stay home.  I mean who could pass up a second day of getting paid to watch TV?  I could probably make it in but my back is truly killing me – I have had heat on it periodically throughout the day and plan on doing the same tonight and tomorrow.  Unless something compels me my plan is to stay put.  I have no reason to go out until tomorrow evening when it’s time to put the trash out.  Otherwise no travel is needed and I can save gas and risking potential injury to myself and my poor car.  It’s bad enough it’s banged up as it is.

Wind Chill and Temperatures are the biggest things.  Then on Wednesday guess what?  More snow!  Yippee!  Maybe I can milk the entire week out of this?  Sure would be nice.  I haven’t told them about my car yet and having to come in late on Monday and leave early on either Wednesday or Thursday next week.  I figure I will spring that on them probably on Wednesday.

Well off to TV land and time to feed those darn cats again.  My only worry about staying home is that I am going to run out of food for them.  I know if it’s tomorrow or Wednesday whenever I do get back to normal, they will sure miss me and I know I will miss them. 

It may not show in my writing but with my job and the event of losing my partner I am in depression.  I can’t change the situation with my partner but I can change my job.  So I am looking.  Right now I am ready to tell them to go fuck themselves because of all of the piddly BS they talk about.  However, that would be chopping off my nose despite my face.  So I have to bite my tongue and hope for the best.

Stay warm!  Talk with you again soon. 

Blizzard

It is official, we have a blizzard.  Thus far about a foot of snow and the wind is blowing like crazy.  It’s 9 degrees now and the temperature is only going to continue to drop as the night lingers on. 

Against my better judgment I went outside and shoveled some snow to at least make a small path to get my car out.  The truck is covered and I honestly don’t think it’s going anywhere for a bit.  My car should be able to get out.  However, they still have to come plow the subdivision and that probably won’t happen until later tonight or tomorrow. 

Everything around for miles is closed.  Most businesses are closed tomorrow but not my employer.  We don’t have to go in but have a mandate to work from home.  Yeah, so I will turn on my laptop and respond to e-mails as needed but I have no plans on really doing any work.  I will take care of minor and urgent issues but the regular day to day stuff will have to wait until Tuesday.  I think it’s a crock work from home – if I didn’t have my work laptop with me I would have to spend the day running the stairs. 

So the children will get another full day of daddy at home and they will be thrilled about it.  It will depend upon how busy I actually am but I don’t think I will be thrilled about it. 

My neighbor goes out every couple of hours and cleans off his driveway for his wife. Shame he won’t cross the street and take care of my driveway. 

Here is the crazy thing.  If we can get out Tuesday great.  Wednesday has more snow on the way and the same for Thursday and Friday.  I think we should just call it now and get the week off – I know that won’t happen.  I am thankful that my car doesn’t go in the shop tomorrow because that would be one messed up trip. 

Nothing major to report other than the snow.  I did take a nice nap with Big Boy.  I got to thinking about him and just laid down next to him in his bed on the floor.  He showed me that he appreciated me as much as I appreciate him.  He knows he has it good and he also knows that there has been a major change here with only one daddy.  I told him that I miss the other daddy as much as he does.  He purred up a storm and eventually we fell asleep together.  We haven’t been that close since he got sick.  I think I may do the nap thing on a regular basis.  Its comforting to both of us and maybe it gives him some strength. 

Outside of getting the driveway cleaned and the trash wrangled.  I didn’t accomplish a damn thing.  That’s okay by me because I’ve got tomorrow.  I need to get upstairs and put something on my back which is sore since I over did it.  I want to lay around and watch some more TV with the kids and then I will call it a night.  Oh and I have to get my laptop out of my car.  Yikes, it probably would have been frozen by morning. 

The upside to all of this is I am so glad I made it to the store and had the foresight to get the furnace fixed.  It’s all paying off now!  I do not plan on venturing out tomorrow except to set the trash out and I have a feeling they will postpone the pickup by a day because I don’t think those trucks will get any of the Monday people done. 

Stay Warm Everyone!  Talk with you peeps later.

Memory Lane

I am not sure why but everyone thinks when there is a storm it’s time to make French Toast.  It sounds good but I see no reason to run to the store for Bread, Eggs and Milk.  Traffic here was a nightmare, you’d think it was Christmas and even then it wasn’t that bad.  I made 2 trips to the store.  The first time to leave because there was no parking and the 2nd time to park way out and go in and shop.  Everything was picked over.  There was hardly any bread left.  A long line at the deli and the checkout well that was pandemonium.  Made it out without forgetting a single thing.  Impressed?  I got a shoe polish sponge too bad it’s brown because my shoes are black.  I will be taking it back.  It was only $4 but I will see if they will allow me to get a black one if not then give me the credit and we can call it even.

After the store I went to Steak N Shake.  It’s National Spaghetti Day in case you didn’t know.  I’ve also been craving Spaghetti and stopped in for some Chili 5 way.  It uses Spaghetti noodles, so I figure it counts.  Plus they have their Chocolate Covered Strawberry Shake out and we (me and my late partner) both loved that.  That place was busy too, like everyone bought up all of the food from the store so let’s go out to eat.  I had a little girl eyeing me up.  She would look at me and I would smile, so she smiled back.  It was fun.  I kept looking at her family she has a few siblings and good looking father and a hot mother.  I thought to myself gee how lucky are those people.  I wish I had that.  By that I mean a companion.

So unless I desire I don’t have to get out tomorrow.  I have plenty of food here for me and the children to last.  I didn’t say I’d like eating it but I do have food.  Now the question is how much snow are we really going to get?  I have heard from 6 to 15 inches.  The more we get the more it requires me to shovel and I am no Brawny Man.  I have a bad back and hate manual labor, if that gives you an idea.  Plus if you shovel and someone comes on to your property and falls and is injured they can sue you because you didn’t do a good job of clearing everything.  So we never shovel unless it’s mandated to get out of the driveway. 

I did gas up both vehicles today and the line at the gas stations in town was like the grocery store.  So I went to the outskirts of town and got in and out with no problem at all.  The only issue was the pumps weren’t dispensing receipts and I live by paperwork when it comes to my finances.  So I took a photo of the pump when I was done and then I knew the amount to enter into my records. 

Today I felt rather lazy and decided that my trip for pie just wasn’t necessary.  I would rather enjoy a day at home with the kids and soak up the relaxation.  If things aren’t bad tomorrow I may venture out but seriously doubt it.  The pie place isn’t going out of business so there will be plenty of time.  I look forward to making trips up in the spring and summer.  More so the spring because in summer time I get sun burnt just from driving. 

Last night and again tonight I took a stroll down memory lane while I cleaned up my office.  My partner stored some of his records here in the mass of file cabinets we have.  I cleaned things out to make some room.  I’ve got a lifetime supply of folders, just from cleaning.  Plus he has boxes of new folders so no worries there.  Anyway, I saw a lot of his union stuff, his old lease for the place he moved to before we moved in together.  Very old cable bills, where basic serve was $27 back in 1990.  I found receipts from trips we had taken.  Paperwork from a business he opened and wound up closing.  It was all rather interesting.  I got a book all about the IBEW with it’s History and Structure.  I was going to toss it but considering I did battle with them and I know they meant the world to him I am keeping it.  Sort of a memento.  God I miss him.  Anyway as I shredded most of the stuff I could hear him saying why are you throwing that out, I need that or save that.  We have 4 cabinets 3 match and one I brought with me from home.  With the exception of my cabinet from home the others match and all have one thing in common.  The bottom drawer in each is filled with gay magazines.  Some are things like Out but mostly there are Freshmen and some other naked male publications.

Speaking of Men, short Segway … I follow Adam Bouska on Facebook and he photographed this hot model named Sean O'Donnell, look at the photo below.  I think you will agree he’s very nice looking, even if he is a bit young.  Adam isn’t bad looking himself!

See what I mean?  Oh the things I would like to do with and to him.  I shouldn’t mention, but I bet you can figure it out.  :)

Okay, back to memory lane…I found pet insurance polices that I had taken out on the children but cancelled because the company wanted to exclude prior conditions – they said momma had swimmers ear.  She had a wax build up in her ear and the vet cleaned it out.  Cats hate water and she doesn’t go swimming, W T F!  Big Boy and his brother Jumper had exclusions for Upper Respiratory Infections, all of the guys in the house got it.  It came in with TAZ, went to #1 son and then on to Big Boy and his Brother.  We almost lost Big Boy and his Brother – both stopped eating and were very near death.  It took a small fortune and a hell of a lot of patience getting them back to normal.  I remember having to start the shower, turn it on hot close the door to build up steam and then taking them in there to let them breathe in the steam.  They thought they were getting baths and it got very old very fast.  The treatments were not only good for them but for me as well.  Both of them had feeding tubes and the one thing that made them eat was valium, one dose and it worked.  The dose wore off and so did their appetite.  The vet didn’t’ want to give them anymore – like it was crack and could be addictive.  So with time we started slow and built up back to normal. 

I got a little excited when I found a letter to the Bureau of Public Debt asking them to re-issue some lost savings bonds.  He had $2,050.00 stolen in bonds.  If my memories works correctly either his son or his ex-wife stole them.  He asked for them to be reissued and/or copies of the endorsement if they were cashed.  I knew he didn’t have them now but thought maybe I would strike pay dirt and looked on the web.  Sure enough there is a website you can visit, key in the SSN# and it will tell you if there are bonds recorded in your name.  I looked but no such luck.  Not sure how that turned out for him, wish I could ask him to refresh my memory. 

I have bags upon bags of shredded documents for the trash man.  Plus other stuff that didn’t’ need to be shredded so they will all know that I have been working overtime on cleaning. 

My brain is telling me that I should clean out the deep freeze.  It’s going to be very cold here.  So cleaning it out and putting the food in the garage should be okay, in keeping it frozen or close to it.  Then on Monday night it’s really going to drop so when I set it out at the curb it will freeze again for sure.  I don’t know if I want to do that, it won’t be tonight.  Perhaps a project for tomorrow, not sure.  Once it is cleaned out I will need to get a garden hose and let it thaw out.  Right now I have no need for it, so I could unplug it and save some money.  Even though it’s probably doesn’t cost that much to keep it going. 

As you can well imagine I have been left with quite the mess.  There is easily enough to do around here to keep me busy for a very long time.  Throwing stuff away in shifts helps not only with the mental but the physical pain.  I feel like I am destroying him but I know that isn’t the case. 

Shifting gears found a new series on Netflix all about people disappearing.  Some people just drop off the face of the earth and are never heard from again.  Others are running from their past.  They say that the actions from the past couple days often have clues about why they leave.  I have a friend who’s mom disappeared and has never been found.  They believe she ran away to Florida or someplace tropical.  No body but they found her car and belongings.  It’s something my grandparents helped his family with.  I wasn’t born yet but it sounds like a horrible story from the bits and pieces I have heard.  For the family I can’t imagine the heartbreak and heartache.  However, I personally would like to start over and disappear sometimes.  The problem with doing that is you will always be looking over your shoulder and wondering when you will get caught.  I mean a grown adult can do as they please and running away isn’t against the law.  However, when you stop paying your bills, have to live off of cash it all just sounds incredibly frustrating.  Not exactly worth it when you add it all up. 

I am going to watch some TV with the kids and see if I can’t watch it snow at the same time.  It’s 10:30 and the snow is due to start around 11pm at least that is the last I heard.  Everyone is calling me saying upstairs, which means they think it’s time for food.

Oh yeah two quick things.  First, I saw photos on FB from Lance Bass at the Brittany concert.  She dressed him up like a cat with a leather harness and spanked his ass - - he looked so hot!  That was a few days ago.  There is video of it on the net if your interested.  Second, I made a cat toy today.  I took a fishing pole, tied a ball with a bell in it on the end and drove Mr. Blu nuts, because he was aggravating everyone else.  Big Boy got in on the fun as well.  I call it my cat fish toy. 

Stay Warm and I will talk with you peeps again soon!