Hello

This is my last week off and then I go back next Tuesday.  I found out today in chatting with a colleague how messed up things are and what clusters are brewing, which didn’t excite me at all.  I also found out that our boss should be on vacation next week so I will have another week without him and that made me smile.  I need to get with the doctor to get a note that releases me.  I would just as soon start my return on Monday but HR indicated that my benefits for leave don’t expire until Tuesday so might as well take what I am entitled to. 

I have mixed feelings about returning but in the end I know that it’s the best thing ever for me.  Getting back into a routine and having something to occupy my mind and cause me to think and deal with other issues instead of vegging out.  The depression from isolation is pretty bad and it’s by far the lowest I have ever been.  I think about the future and the thought of returning to work gives me hope and something to look forward to.  I just pray that nothing in my personal life falls apart the last thing I want to do is ask for time off.  Of course I have worries mostly about Gator.  I am concerned for her ability to get used to me getting back in my routine.  She spends the bulk of the day attached to me and boy does she eat.  I broke down and ordered another camera today for my bedroom since that is the other place she likes to hang out.  I like the idea of being able to check in on her when I am away and having the ability to listen and talk to her is comforting and may even comfort her.  I don’t expect to be physically in the office more than 1 to 2 days per week but it will be a huge adjustment for both her and I.  I can control myself I have little control over her, just have to hope for the best.

I went into the office last Thursday evening and it was a quick in and out thing.  I got my laptop working again and got out of there.  It was late enough that I didn’t run into anyone other than the cleaning crew and of course building security. 

Earlier on Thursday I grabbed a bite to eat at a local BBQ place that I visit on occasion.  They had a college volleyball team in there eating lunch.  It was all guys and I managed to find and fall for one of them.  I did my research when I got home to find out his name.  He’s 6 foot 9 inches tall and has red hair like me.  He’s way younger than me and this team was out of state so the chances of us actually crossing paths again is slim to none.  He looked at me and I am not sure if he noticed that I was drooling over him.  I looked up the game and watched a little bit of it via TV, I know nothing about Volleyball other than it’s a ball that goes back and forth over the net.  It was boring and after about 15 minutes I gave up.  An average game according to my Alexa is said to last an hour.  Wow that’s a quick game.  This guy has been in the forefront of my mind for a few days. 

I have managed to whip myself into shape today.  I laid around for a while because I woke up at 5am for no reason at all from a very strange dream.  Gator was right there waiting for me and asked for a bite to eat.  We were up for a bit and then managed to fall back asleep for maybe an hour.  I’ve been going ever since.  Today was the first time I left the house since last Thursday evening when I got home from the office. 

I grabbed some cat food for Gator and gas for the tank then came home.  I unloaded and put the food away.  I set out for a road trip to the new restaurant I found and had a bad feeling but left anyway.  The feeling that I shouldn’t be doing this and needed to be at home really overcame me the further I traveled to the point where when I was around 30 miles away from home I just turned around and came back.  Not exactly sure why I got that feeling but I have been doing laundry and watching TV with Gator. 

Eventually I came downstairs to pay more bills, file away paperwork and sift through my personal inbox.  I got some paper shredding done that has been on my to do list for a while. 

I need to grab the laundry and head back up, make my bed and then feed Gator her supper.  We will watch TV and eventually go to bed.  The agenda for Tuesday is a haircut and picking up a prescription (if it’s ready).  I think if I feel okay and don’t have any bad feelings that I may try to hit up the new restaurant tomorrow.  I will also likely be chatting with my work colleague.  He is more than excited for me to return and has left me plenty to do.  As for the rest of the week I need to get with the doctor for a note that releases me to return, need to chat with the grass guy about trimming my bushes since the guy I had lined up last year has never shown.  Other than that nothing else planned other than working on getting my sleep schedule adjusted.   

I feel overwhelmed at the thought of going back with all there is waiting for me but I just need to take one task at a time and do what I can.  There is plenty of daily stress for my team on projects that are being worked on that have fallen short because of technical problems and it sounds like everyone needs a vacation.  It also sounds like everyone is ready for me to come back.  Lots of people are asking about me and concerned, hearing that today made me feel good.  I also know that some people just want the dirt but there are others that genuinely care.  I hope that all of this works out well and that I am back in the groove quickly. 

That’s where we are.  I hope that your doing well and staying comfortable.  Talk with you all again soon.