7 years ago today, my life changed

Hi and welcome, I hope that you are doing well. It’s been a couple days but I am doing well and still here.

I made a decision regarding my hair. I did in fact shave my head; this isn’t an April fool’s thing it’s for real. The odd thing was that to me my hair was getting so long but in reality, when I looked at what I shaved off, there wasn’t much there to start with. I probably could have gotten by with just trimming up around my ears. The back was bothering me which is what lead up to my drastic move. Plus, it’s a gay trending thing right now or so I hear via social media. It is all going to grow back and that will probably happen once the whole stay at home order is done. The strange thing is that shampoo doesn’t lather like it used to. My head feels weird. I don’t want to get out in public without having a hat on, it feels strange to have a bald head. Oddly enough there is acne on my head which also bothers me but it’s clearing up.

On the work front, the new guy is starting to get a little lax and I find myself babysitting. I have had to talk with him about it twice. Once on Thursday and the other on Friday. Friday, I became sterner. I told him that I wasn’t going to “rat” him out to the boss but eventually if there wasn’t progress, I wouldn’t have a choice. My personal feelings are definitely at play but also, I don’t want to see him get in trouble. He’s a good guy and we have helped each other out more than once. So, I don’t want to ruin a good working relationship, which I told him I think more of as a friendship. He agreed but I don’t know if he is truly a friend or just being friendly while we are working together. It’s been a hell of a week and mostly because I have been on call. We had strange things come up that haven’t in a while, but it’s all good and everything has been taken care of. So, we rest but only for two days and then it’s back to the grind.

Today I ordered my first take out. I figured go for two meals so I grabbed lunch/supper for today and breakfast for tomorrow. It was at Cracker Barrel. I went to pick it up and the place was dead. I’ve never seen a Cracker Barrel like this. A manager was working the register and got me taken care of. She actually went to get my food.

While I was out, I stopped by to get the mail. The grass man has already sent his first bill. He wastes no time. At the end of the month it’s time to pay him. I am thankful that I was patient and waited for him to show up and that I didn’t call him. It all worked out quite well. Anyway, I got home and the food from Cracker Barrel was still very hot, they do a good job of packaging and it keeps it hot, despite the fact that they are 15 minutes 1 way from the house.

After I ate, Marv was crying that he wanted to get in some noodle time. So, I sat with him on the couch. I got lost in my phone and he got lost in dream land. It was a couple hours and then he woke up and wanted down. I obliged him and then I got up and headed out to grab some food for the kids and a stop at the home improvement store. Cat food was really picked over and not a decent selection but I took advantage of what was available. Trust me when I say the cats won’t starve. They are getting used to getting lunch and have started requesting it if I run behind. My hope is that Marv will gain some weight. Gator doesn’t need to gain a pound; she is fat already. She is having problems with jumping but it’s from old age. She does really well to waddle around this place.

I am addicted to power washing. It is so much fun, even if it is work. I picked up some multi-purpose cleaner and a new dryer vent cover. The weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow so I know I am going to fix the dryer vent cover. I may well finish off the deck and get it cleaned and decluttered. I am more anxious to get the front of the house. Today it feels very much like winter and it’s gloomy and overcast out, great day to stay home. Not many people are out and active but there are a few.

Today marks the seventh year that my spouse passed away. I am oddly numb and it does just feel like another day. I haven’t forgotten him but have moved on because that is what life is all about and I know that is what he would have wanted me to do. Those aren’t just perfunctory words I really know it. I still miss him very much and know that he would be incredibly proud of me and the progress I have made in seven long years. I never thought I would make it to this point but yet here I am. I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments. I do wonder how he would react to the whole COVID situation. He would be more at risk than I because he was older and his health wasn’t the greatest. There are other things I wonder about but it’s kind of a waste of time because I’ll never get answers to the questions I have. I do hope that he is at peace and with #1 son, Bear, LB, Ruth, Momma and Blu. I miss all of them incredibly much. It really sucks to see your family fading before your eyes and your sense of normal fading with it. Things will never, ever be the same because each one of them has left. However, there are new roads to discover and new experiences to have. It just sucks to have them on my own and not be able to share them. I’m slightly depressed from the whole stay at home order and this anniversary doesn’t help things. However, it’s not the end of the world … yet.

From what I hear it sounds like a month or possibly two at home and then this whole thing should be under control. I think that the whole stay at home order should be for the entire country and not just certain states. Sadly, I got news that all of the 4^th of July celebrations in my area have been cancelled. That was a huge step and leads me to believe that the stay at home may extend past two months. I also think those in charge know exactly what they want to do but at the same time have to balance that with freaking people out. If they announced that we were all going to be cooped up for months on end, my God the hording would be ten times worse and riots would probably break out. The numbers in my area are getting far worse with hundreds if not a thousand new cases being reported each and every day. I’m certainly doing my part. I only get out on the weekends, the rest of the time I am stuck here. I seriously hope that my weight gain won’t be that bad and while I have great plans to walk on the treadmill, it’s only happened once. I know me and I know that it’s easy to plan but it’s harder to put it into motion. I want to be thinner because it will make me look better and that will up my chances of getting a guy, plus I would feel a lot better and be healthier. I think I am just one of those people that was born to be fat and that is going to be a life long thing. I may be wrong but only time will tell.

So, there you have it, my update. Again, I do hope that your doing well and that life is being good to you. I’ll talk with you all again soon. Take care.