My afternoon was running late after yesterday’s post. I realized that I still had to login and gather data for my report at work. I started that process and then I got a phone call that put my heart in my throat. My brother called. It was a knee jerk reaction as to the feelings I experienced. We haven’t spoken in roughly about 2 years. Sadly, it was a pocket dial call. I kept saying hello and got no answer. I played along for a half hour and had planned to just keep on listening until my battery ran out or he hung up. After 30 minutes I felt enough was enough and I just hung up. While it doesn’t surprise me that I am in his contacts I am kind of surprised of all the people in the world he dialed my phone. What I gathered from the call is that his wife was sick, as in feeling unwell. Sounds like they laid down to take a nap together. I thought about calling back but opted not to. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t mind a relationship with my brother that was not persona non grata but I also know that my family in general has a bad habit of shitting on me and I’ve frankly have had enough of that. Hell, he doesn’t even know that I am aware he got married.
Funny thing is so much has happened in my life in two years, despite the fact that it’s a boring life there are events (ups and downs) here and there. He’s got no idea that I lost 2 more cats, that I have/had a mold issue, my getting side swiped car accident or the fact that I have worked from home for the last year. I am sure there are many things in his life as well that I am not aware of all because we aren’t talking.
Needless to say, I didn’t feel like getting pizza after the call and just opted to stay home and eat hot dogs which is something I haven’t had in a while. I watched a Tech podcast and then jumped back into Suits. Got a nice hot shower and was able to drift off to dreamland until I was awoken by a hungry cat.
More often than not when there is a disagreement be it with a friend or family member enough time passes that neither one of you remember why you stopped talking in the first place. This is not the case with me and my brother. He had broken up with the bimbo who was at the time just his psyco girlfriend. He was a wreck and there were physical symptoms to indicate that he had issues. Oddly this brought us close to where we would talk on a very frequent basis and it was quite nice. However, he mostly wanted relationship advice from me despite the fact that his relationship was done. He eventually got to the point where he was suffering from situational depression and went to the hospital for some help. He was looking for a magic cure or at the very least some medication to help him cope and deal with what was unfolding in his life. Rather than call me as an emergency contact, he opted to call the bimbo and she was by his side. I had a very bad day and opted to reach out to him which is when he broke the news to me that he was leaving the ER and was in there for his depression and she was with him. It was at that point that I just flew off the handle and started screaming at him that we were done. I couldn’t believe it after all of the crap she pulled and how she took his money and left him so emotionally drained and psychologically damaged that he would even want to go back to her. However, it’s often that the victim of abuse goes back to their abuser. He said that the past was in the past and they were going to start over. That was a big ask. She had conditions for getting back together 1 was her name on the house, which still hasn’t happened and the other was a ring on her finger. Like a dumb shit after a couple weeks of being back in love his dumb ass went out and bought a ring and proposed to her. She essentially tricked him in to marriage but from the photos I see on social media he does truly look happy. I get that he wanted someone to spend his life with and I don’t hold that against him but I am not fond of the fact that he chose her of all people to do that with. She is a leach that is clearly just using him for his money. He helped her dig herself out of debt and just fed her nothing but a steady diet of money and then threw him away. Now that they are married, she has another new vehicle that I am fairly confident he helped her buy and lord knows what else he has been bamboozled into getting her. Plus, her entire family lives with them in a house he purchased. She has 2 adult kids who should be out on their own but he’s coddling them and not collecting a dime in rent or food. He doesn’t make nearly what I make but he is the clear steady breadwinner in the family and everyone exploits that.
While he is blinded by love and is under her spell there isn’t anything I can do about it. No matter what I say it wouldn’t matter and honestly there really is no place for input from me. He made his decision and I made mine. It’s not that I don’t want to ever speak to him again but I don’t want to get caught up in his relationship and I am never giving him relationship advice again. I saw right through all of this and each time I made a prediction or call something out, he always responded with you know what, your right. However, despite being right he took none of my advice and wasted a bunch of my time. I have made sure that he knows I will still speak with him about anything else and that we can talk but since he has her, she is his life and he could care less about me, the fact that I am alone and could really use a brother. I sent him a birthday text last year and never heard a word from him. When our mom was alive, he was forced to send me a birthday card but now that she has passed there are no cards, no letters, no text messages and no emails. It’s total silence and it’s to the point where it’s deafening. I think we both have hurt the other it’s just that he has someone in his life to occupy his time so therefore he doesn’t dwell on this like I do. I lament about it and then just move on because constantly thinking about it does no good and he has proven to me that he isn’t receptive to me reaching out.
From birth we have both been different. He was a spender and I was a saver. He liked heavy metal and I did not. He wouldn’t clean his plate but I would clean mine. Anytime we were out at a bank or someplace there was a give away (like a sucker or a piece of candy) I would always immediately ask for one for my brother, he had to be prodded. There are many other examples of our differences but I was always the older protective brother and he was always the younger ungrateful brother that would set me up to take the fall, make fun of me and always leave me wondering what I did wrong for him to hate me so much.
Who would have thought a pocket dial could conger up so many feelings. I am sure that if he ever looks at his call log and sees a ½ hour recent call he will think that I somehow hacked into his phone to cause it to happen. Look I’ve got some skills but hacking into a cell phone isn’t one of them. I am not quite as smart as he wants to believe that I am. I am by far much more successful than he has or ever will be and I earn way more money than he will ever see in a year, unless of course he wins the lottery.
At the end of the day, he may be a bad brother, but were still related. I can talk bad about him but it still rubs me the wrong way when others do it, depending on who it is and what they are saying about him. He probably isn’t my #1 fan either. I do wonder if at some point he will reach out and we can resume some kind of normal brotherly relationship. I do hope that happens before one of us passes away. If not, whomever is the surviving one will carry a mountain of guilt and odds are with my luck that person will be me. I am very jealous of anyone who has a brother and gets along with them. It’s something I wish I had from day one.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason but I am not quite sure why the pocket dial happened. Back to my Monday. This certainly isn’t what I planned on posting today, so maybe the reason why the pocket dial happened was to surprise me and for me to surprise with you with the details.
Hope all is well in your world. I will probably go for Pizza and hope for eye candy this weekend.
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