Depressing Week

This week started off like any other but Tuesday morning I got bad news.  A guy that I had worked with in one of our other offices passed away suddenly.  Everyone said he had a cold or something but he said on Monday that he was getting better and feeling better.  Monday night I guess he took a turn for the worse and his partner took him to the hospital and he passed away there.  I don’t have any real details.  They could immerge but matters not to me, he’s still gone. 

He wasn’t attractive by my standards but I knew he was gay and he had a husband.  I sent a card and letter to his husband.  I explained that I had been through something similar and that out of the blue I lost my husband as well.  I told him about the FB gay grief group that I stumbled on and told him that might be of interest or help.  While I didn’t share this, there is no magic trick to take away the pain, it lasts for the rest of your life.  Some days are easier and others are harder.  It takes time to get comfortable again.  I feel so bad for his husband.  Odds are pretty good that his husband will get a decent life insurance benefit so money won’t be an issue.  The guy that passed was the same age as me 46.  I suspect his spouse is close if not the same age.

Someone in our office had a major work anniversary and so on Friday we got cake.  I have been craving cake for so long.  It was so good and I inhaled my piece.  I’m hitting up the up scale grocery store tomorrow and I will be coming home with a cake.  Might be small, might be large but it will be cake. 

Earlier in the week Big Boy came to sleep with me.  He has to have attention and I was rubbing him when I found a tumor.  I thought it was something in his fur but I looked and nope it’s a lump in the skin.  It’s not very big but it caused me to have some concern.  I am going to watch it and if I find others or it grows we will get it checked out.  As for now, he’s his normal self and that and money are the only things causing me not to panic. 

I’m feeling a bit off kilter today.  Gator let me sleep in until 10a when I woke on my own.  She had me up at 4, 5, 6 and 7 a.  I probably should have gotten up then but I was so wiped out.  I am still kind of wiped out and had to force myself to do the things that I planned on.  I couldn’t make a decision on where I wanted to eat at and I didn’t venture out of the house until 4p.  I did go back to sleep around noon and woke up about 3p.  I spent time with the kids and looked at my electronic leash for the first time all morning long.

I’m lacking in the food department and probably should feed my body some more but really I just want to go back to bed.  Tomorrow is another day. 

Still doing battle with the ants.  I had one stow away in my lunch box and found it Friday when I was ready to eat.  Not happy.  I’ve cleaned until I am blue in the face.  I have put down pesticide but can’t seem to stop them.  In years past I saw there point of entry but this year I am at a loss and that is why I think I am still fighting this battle and it’s not getting any better.  I’m not giving up but damn I wish they would go away. 

I have yet to hear from the lawn guy, so I suspect sooner rather than later I should get to looking for a new person to take care of the lawn and bushes.  That has caused me anxiety and has stressed me out a bit.  I don’t like looking for new, I am content to keep things the same, at least when it comes to the lawn. 

So wish I would meet the right guy.  I think that would have a larger and more profound impact on my outlook on life as well as my life in general.  Right now it’s depressing.  I have my up times but they are short lived. 

On-call next week, so some potential OT.  Thus far I have a half hour, which isn’t much.  While I need the OT I also like quiet so if I could have a decent mix of both then I guess that will please me.  Next check should have around 5 hours on it. 

All of my gift cards that I won at Christmas time have finally sold.  I took a $78 loss but I have money that I wouldn’t otherwise have so I’m pleased about that.  Going to pay off a credit card next month, it won’t kill me but it will deplete my savings a bit.  However, in the end it should have a positive effect on my credit score.  So there is an upside.  Plus I will have less debt and that is always a good thing.  There are a few other bills that I wish I could get rid of.  I suppose it will take more time.

Last week as I entered in to the grocery store I see that starting as of yesterday they are no longer a 24 hour store.  That was a huge shock to me.  It was the only grocery store in the area that still remained open 24 hours.  24 hour everything seems to be going by the way side, unless your into fitness then you have 24 hour gyms.  It is not as if I wake up in the middle of the night and want to go grocery shopping but knowing that it was possible was comforting. 

Well day has turned to night.  I’m going to climb the stairs and work my way into bed.  I will be catching some TV.  Tomorrow will be a catch up day and hopefully I will be feeling better. 

Here’s hoping that things are going well in your neck of the woods.  Talk with you folks later. 

Knotty not naughty

Another week has come to a close.  I have had time to rest for a couple days and it’s been enjoyable.  While I would like a couple more additional days it’s probably better for me to return to work.  Ugh, the dreaded Monday.  I don’t have a lot going on but my boss will be back from vacation.  Things are so much more quieter and were all more productive, guess that goes unnoticed. 

My back has been killing me.  I got a massage on Monday after spending last weekend on a heating pad and muscle relaxers.  It helped but I needed more.  Wednesday I called in and went back to muscle relaxers and the heating pad.  Thursday I got another massage and that finally did the trick and got rid of most of the knots in my back.  I should be going back this Thursday to keep things at bay but money is a little tight right now.  It kind of depends upon how much pain I am in.  I’ve thought about buying a gaming chair for work but not sure if that would do the trick. 

I am still dealing with my screw up co-worker.  I am religious about documenting what takes place and sending emails to the boss.  I also forward all of that stuff home, you know for insurance purposes.  I am way beyond my breaking point but some how manage to calm myself down and press on, repressing my anger and contempt.  At this point I don’t care if we switch titles or if he just gets shown the door.  I am going to plant the seed about switching titles, but not sure if it will mature into anything.  My personal preference is to get him out and bring in someone fresh.  Start over and hope for different and better results.  However, I am not in charge and that is also a bit frustrating to me.  I can admit that I like control, I think it’s a natural human thing.  We all want it but there can only be one person in charge. 

No word from my brother.  I presume him and his girlfriend are still toughing it out and tolerating each other.  I am kind of waiting for the next phone call.  I know he cares for her in some small fashion but she is more toxic than cigarettes.  They really need to part ways.  That’s not just because I think she is an over grown cow, but because she goes off at random about the smallest thing and then it become a major big deal quickly.  She doesn’t let things go.  I hope that eventually he will come to his senses before any real damage is done.  I can appreciate not wanting to be alone but she is clearly mooching off of him and so are her kids.  They all live under his roof and he pays the bills, the contribute nothing.  I wouldn’t allow that to happen but him and I are two totally different people. 

Considering Spring happens on Tuesday I am faced with once again the battle with the ants.  I have pretty well sealed up all of there known entry points.  However, they are still coming in and I can’t figure out from where.  They really love my bathtub for some reason.  I kill a bunch of them and an hour later there are more.  I’ve sprayed until I am blue in the face, until I know the point of entry I am fighting a loosing battle.  I have to be careful about how I deal with them so as to not poison my cats.  Marv was crying tonight because he saw some around the water dish.  There have also been a few of them on the table.  I did some research and there are 2 different kinds of ants one is attracted by food and the other is a carpenter ant, which chews through wood.  I am sure in past times I have had both but right now I am confused as to what I have.  I just want them to go away and eventually they will, it just won’t be soon enough for me. 

I am having a lot of anxiety over my lawn care.  I sent out a contract to the guy I have been using for a couple years.  He’s not that timely to respond.  Normally he reaches out to me but this year I found myself reaching out to him.  I kind of think that were done but he just doesn’t know how to break it to me.  He’s probably hoping I will go away and if that’s the case he’s will get his wish.  I sent an email to him and am giving him a little bit more time, if I don’t get a response then I will engage someone else.  Of course about the time that I do that is when he will be getting back with me.  I think he’s pissed over the fact that he got screwed out of money because he chose to mow my lawn for the longest time last year every week.  I only paid for bi-weekly service because that is what the contract is for.  He read the contract and by George it was news to him.  Never mind that our arrangement has always been bi-weekly.  I cringe at the thought of having to hire someone else.  Lawn Boy was at least dependable for the most part and there was mostly a clear line of communication, that is until he decided to go on vacation and not tell me.  I kind of miss him but at the same time I don’t.  If I have to find someone new I will move forward and not backwards. 

Charlie Puth has a new song out and it’s pretty good.  It’s called Done For Me (featuring Kehlani).  I’ve been listening to it a little bit.  I also did subscribe to Spotify.  I was able to listen to a lot of songs that I haven’t heard in years.  I only got charged the $9.99 for the service, there was no tax.  I have also kept my Pandora membership.  I like the radio on Pandora better than Spotify.  Spotify is more for listening to specific artists.  I don’t mess with the whole play list thing.  That is just messy.  I don’t go looking for them or share anything that I listen to with anyone on the app.  So for driving I like a wide variety that is up beat.  I am not a slow tempo kind of a guy.  For work I like smooth jazz – it’s got to be all instrumental I don’t like singing.  I’ve tried Rock and Pop at work and it makes me nervous.  It’s enjoyable at first but eventually I find myself going back to smooth jazz.  I am just as surprised as you are but it is what it is.  Music is a very big part of my life and has been for years.  Rock, Pop, Classical, New Age, EDM, Trance, House, Electro and even some Country.  Music evokes so much emotion and can change your mood for good or for bad. 

I did sleep most of Saturday away and the kids were on me to get moving but I ignored them as well as my inner emotion for the most part.  It a nice escape to sleep.  Yes, part of this is depression.  The other part of it is feeling exhausted and trying to gain some energy.  I did eventually get moving to get the kids food and to grab some soda for myself.  I get a case of Coke Zero from Sam’s Club and it’s all shrink wrapped.  I like that because I can take a pair of scissors and trace around the outside and the plastic comes off easily.  Well yesterday I wasn’t so careful and punctured one can.  That was a huge mess and I cleaned it up promptly.  No sense in making the ant issue any worse than it already is.  I get a case of food for Ruth and open it the same way.  It’s not exclusive to her but she does consume most of it.  We have always referred to it as “Special Food”.  Everyone likes it and they all know what I am referring to when I saw Special Food. 

Today was my trip to the store.  I stopped for breakfast and saw the cute guy that I asked out who rejected me.  Seeing him is bitter sweet.  I like looking at his body and seeing how he interacts with people.  However, the bad part is that I keep in mind he rejected me.  I want to ask him so bad, so when is school over with.  However, I fear that I may get a worse answer so I have been holding off on asking.  Looks like he got into a fender bender, I parked next to him today on purpose.  His car isn’t the neatest.  So I have my doubts if we would have clicked but that doesn’t mean that I have completely given up.  However, I think for my own psychological well being it’s probably best if I didn’t see him at all.  We caught each others eyes a couple times and he didn’t even acknowledge me.  I would have at least expected a friendly hello but I got nothing.  That hurts as well. 

Since were talking about guys, I keep telling myself that I will never find someone on a dating app but I am still using one.  I enjoy seeing who is out there.  It’s just a complete crap shoot when it comes to dating.  My odds at gambling aren’t great and dating is a lot like that for me.  So I don’t have high hopes.  I’m starting to think that I will die alone.  So long as I have my health I am fine but the second that goes I am t-totally fucked and not in a good way.  I still have aspirations of moving but that is all they are at this point.  It’s impractical to entertain those thoughts given my animal kingdom. 

I finally sold all of my Southwest Airlines Gift Cards.  I did take a hit in that I wasn’t able to move them at face value but it was only $78, which all things considered isn’t terrible.  I will get the last of my money this week.  It goes straight into savings.  I’m getting ready to pay off a credit card before interest starts accruing and my special zero percent rate runs out.  That will be a serious hit to my savings.  If I didn’t have the debt and had the same amount in the bank I would be pretty happy.  I will at least get a couple more $ in interest before I have to dip into it. 

Long story short, everything is pretty much the same.  No major issues at this time be it good or bad.  I would say I am coasting and the longer I can coast the better.  I’m so ready for a bunch of good to happen, then again I have been ready and hoping for that for quite sometime now.  Here’s hoping the rest of the year has a lot of good in store for all of us.  Good times, Good Food and Good friends. 

Best wishes for the week ahead.  Thanks for stopping by! 

Time Change Weekend

I don’t know why my body doesn’t like time change weekend.  I guess it’s the fact that I just lost an hours worth of sleep, didn’t help that I slept most of yesterday away and that I went to bed late.

My back was a bit of a train wreck from the previous week.  Being hunched over a computer is starting to take it’s toll on me.  I am seriously considering buying a gaming chair for work.  They were well padded and meant for you to sit in for long periods of time.  Plenty of adjustments and they are typically made mostly of leather.  Lots of bright colors and to go along with that a bright price tag.  I need to find someone who has one so that I can get some feedback.  I don’t want to waste my money but if it will help me I am all for it.  My employer got me a special chair but now that is no longer helping.  I don’t want to argue, get another doctors note or belabor the point.  If I can fix it on my own then that is what I want to do. 

This past week has been trouble, as per usual.  We had a cable cut with one of our ISP’s so working for the past couple days has been a bit of a challenge for everyone.  Thankfully repairs were made and everything is back to normal, just in time for a new work week to start. 

My problem child bothered the hell out of me asking me basic questions.  I don’t get why it’s so hard to fix things.  I think that if they don’t want to fire him at minimum they should demote him and the two of us should change jobs.  That would be a fair compromise to me.  I’d get a pay raise and a better title, he would probably get a pay cut and a title that would be more suited to his ability.  I’ve been asked to train him on more things.  I think they are working on building an iron clad case so that they can show he was trained, didn’t get it and there were multiple attempts made.  It doesn’t all center around one person as the trainer, there are multiple people and the outcome is the same.  If it was just me, then I’d think more along the lines that I was doing something wrong.  I was told to hang in there and that it’s being addressed.  I call bullshit on that but maybe it really is being addressed just not as swiftly as I would like. 

I need to adjust all of the clocks in the house, that is such a fun task.  Then there is keeping up with my weekend chores.  Not so sure that I will get everything done but I am giving it a go. 

Thankfully this is the last day of my on-call duties for 2 weeks.  I will enjoy being able to come home and leave work behind.  I don’t have any big plans for the next two weekends so we shall see what happens. 

The automobile is about to flip 10,000 miles.  Gas mileage seems to be getting better but maybe it’s more that I am used to what I am getting.  I really like what I have but wish that costs were lower.  When I look at replacing this vehicle I plan to get something that is less expensive all the way around.  This might have been a mid-life crisis purchase but it’s a lot of fun.  With warmer weather on the way I look forward to opening the sun shade and even cracking open the sun roof.  Driving is enjoyable provided that the destination isn’t for a task like grocery shopping, work, etc.  I am watching my pennies but look forward to my next pie run. 

Happy almost Spring and Happy Time Change Weekend.  Everything will be 1 hour shorter now and I will come home to day light eventually.  Be well, stay warm and best wishes for the week ahead. 

Love Simon

I did something last night that I said I would never do.  I went t to the movies while on-call.  It was a HUGE risk but it’s really no different than going out for dinner with a friend, it’s the same risk.  I had a couple of interruptions but it was only from my news feed and nothing work related.  Phew!

In case you can’t tell by the title I saw Love Simon, the movie that I have been dying to see.  It was a sneak preview and I was really surprised how many people were in the theatre.  You had young kids on dates with their girlfriends.  You had moms and daughters and even a few older folks.  I was kind of hoping that I could make a love connection and make this a 2 for 1 deal but that didn’t happen. 

The movie is phenomenal and it took way too long to make a movie about a coming of age Gay kid.  There were all kind of emotions and I could relate on so many levels.  I felt pain, anxiety and happiness.  The movie is PG-13 and there is no sex or nudity, there is a scene of two guys kissing, which is nice. 

My synopsis is that it’s about a young guy who is gay but keeps it a secret, he gets to come out on his own for a little bit until someone decides to out him.  He has a pen pal that he writes over email, the movie keeps you guessing about who it is.  Just when you think you have it figured out, you realize you got it all wrong.  In the end the pen pal is revealed and it’s someone you would have never guessed it would be.  As I mentioned there are lots of emotions.  A good shirtless scene with Nick Robinson (Simon).  This is a must see in my book and I am glad that I took the risk.  The movie is officially released on Thursday. 

Running Behind

My brother called me on Friday night and we got together on Saturday.  We carried out our mom’s last wishes as it pertains to her cremains.  We did the closest and best thing that we could.  The rose bush that she wanted to go in, no longer exists.  We had lunch together and chatted, it was enjoyable.  He hit another stumbling block in his relationship with the Bimbo.  Just when I thought it was over with, it appears that things are going back to the way they were.  I told him that this is the 2nd time they had an issue.  There is clearly something wrong and until you are firm and put your foot down, I don’t think that it will end.  I told him that who’s to say things won’t turn violent and someone winds up injured or worse yet dead.  While you both are walking and talking, put an end to the relationship.  It’s for the benefit of both of you.  He knows I am right but I know him and I think they will wind up staying together.  I will be happy when they are split up for good – her and her kids are moved out and he can have some peace & quiet. 

Funny thing is he told me that he keeps on putting himself last and he doesn’t do anything for himself.  I told him you need to live for you and reward yourself.  You deserve it and you are the only you there will be.  If you don’t take care of you or reward you, no one else is going to do it for you. 

I am seriously behind schedule here.  I took a nap and then dived into troubleshooting a couple of computer issues.  My machine oddly lost the drivers for my postage scale and my ups.  I have a utility that allowed me to boot to an old image of my machine and things were fine back in late February when the image was created.  So I had that copy it’s self to the original boot area and now I am back in business.  I am fighting to get windows updates to install and honestly I think they are what broke things. 

I have a toothache and it’s been around for most of the weekend.  Not something I normally get.  It’s a mild dull type pain.  I am working with Sensodyne to see if I can calm things down.  Unless there is something seriously wrong underneath this is phantom pain and should resolve on it’s own.  If not then I guess I will be making an appointment to go see Dr. Drillem.  This tooth bothers me off and on.  The doc has looked at it before and said there is nothing wrong.  She won’t pull it and there is a filling there already.  I think the filling needs to be dug out and refilled.  It’s the nerve in my opinion that is irritated. 

Back to the fun tomorrow and I will be on-call for the next week.  Here’s hoping for a little bit of overtime but nothing too drastic and I hope that my sanity stays in tact.  I voiced a complaint on Friday about how my dumb co-worker is taking away from my productivity and how that is not sustainable.  Basically I asked for my boss to do something.  I think we are rapidly approaching a fork in the road and it’s going to be a him or me type situation.  I can’t take a whole lot more, but then again I didn’t think I would survive this far.  I also didn’t think he would be employed with us that long. 

Well Windows Updates are done.  I need to restart and then when the system comes back up, I will have to go up and medicate the children and myself.  Then try to relax and unwind so I can get up tomorrow and go back to all that fun I have. 

Hope your doing well.  Take care and be well. 

Wednesday and part of Thursday

Daily blogging is kind of fun plus it allows me to not have to try to remember what in the world happened as the week unfolded. 

Last night it was time to pay my Auto Insurance.  Then I thought I would be productive and get a contract ready for my lawn guy.  I worked through that and got it ready to mail.  I went to print the stamp and weighed the letter.  I have a USB scale and it was powered on yet my computer said it wasn’t connected.  How very strange.  So I unplugged the USB router and that was the start of a huge time suck.  When I did that it powered down my external encrypted USB drive where my financial data and documents live along with some other important things.  Problem is I only have to enter the password like 1 time a year so it’s not something I remember.  I started guessing passwords and trying everything I knew to recover from this.  When finally I saw the option for Rescue User and there is an admin account that I fortunately knew the password to and was able to recovered.

It didn’t help things that I promised the kids TV time and Momma tried to hold me to that but her attempts were futile.  By the time I was done I found myself going through the evening motions and getting ready for the next day.  Then it was time for bed.  I couldn’t watch TV for very long in my room before I was out cold.  I start watching a show and wake up 1/2 way through not knowing what happened.  I am so back logged on watching TV that I shouldn’t suffer from what to watch syndrome for a while.  Plus there are more things recording tonight. 

I don’t have any need to play with the computer tonight, other than email and I am probably going to take care of that from work.  So that I can devote my evening to relaxing and unwinding.  I think the cats and myself will enjoy that much more than me running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. 

Stress seems to be a little larger this week.  It’s the 1st of the month and a Full Moon.  Just glad I am not on-call this week.  I am next week.  Lots of strange things happen when there is a full moon.  Thursday has been a little crazy but just a few more hours and then I will be able to head home to the furry family. 

Glad tomorrow is Friday!  Hope all is well in your world and the sun is shining.  Weather is warmer here but we have been drowned in a bunch of rain. At least were closer to Spring and nice weather will be here before you know it.