Crushing Hard

 

 

Looking for a companion, boyfriend, life partner, etc. is quite a challenge.  I think that our hetero sexual counterparts have it a bit easier.  Boy sees girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out and history is made.  Sure, it doesn’t always turn out like that but I’ve never heard of a man getting punched in the nose just for asking for a date.  I have heard of a guy getting punched in the nose for hitting on another man and many worse things. 

In my quest, I have suffered embarrassment and heard the word no as if I was a door to door salesman.  Rejection is a huge part of dating and it sucks.  It can destroy yourself worth and have devastating consequences, so you have to be able to brush it off.  That’s a very difficult thing to do, but somehow one manages to keep on going. 

What attracts me to a guy.  That’s pretty simple and superficial but it’s all about his looks.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  The problem is finding out if he’s gay, single and interested.  That can be the difficult part or it can be quite obvious, kind of depends on the guy.  Personally, my gaydar isn’t the greatest.  Just as my perception of age isn’t the greatest either. 

Presently, I have two members of the media that I am interested in.  The one thing that I have 100% confidence in, is that they are both of legal age.  I don’t know if either of them is gay, single or interested in me.  It seems kind of awkward to reach out by phone or email and out of the gate ask are you gay and single?  I mean if I got a call or email like that it would throw up some serious red flags.  I don’t want to be embarrassed publicly and I doubt either of them would do that.  I just don’t quite know how I am going to overcome this and let them both know that I am interested in them.  This has been a dilemma that has plagued me for quite some time.  Then throw in the pandemic and it really kind of messes things up. 

If you have had any number of jobs chances are good that you have been through some type of sexual harassment awareness training.  I have learned multiple times that it’s not harassment if you ask for a date.  That’s a single request.  You can’t badger the person and if they say no, you can’t continue to ask.  In most cases that is the definition of harassment.  Just putting that out there for what it’s worth. 

The one thing that I don’t want is to date a co-worker.  We can work in the same building for different employers but even that is stretching it a bit too far.  Often relationships that are formed through work can turn into giant nightmares if you are at odds with the other person.  I’ve seen it more than once and it’s not pretty.  It’s for that very reason why I don’t want to get involved at work with anyone.  Prior to this pandemic, I did used to see some mighty fine-looking guys.  Since the pandemic, I see some attractive guys when I am out and that’s nice.  If I see someone that I would be interested in, I would have to bump into them on a regular basis at least two or three times before I would consider making a move.  It’s something that I’ve never done so I would probably just be direct about it and ask the guy if he wanted to grab a drink or a bite to eat.  I think that conveys my interest and lets the other person know without directly saying, hey are you single, gay and interested in me. 

I have been known to shy away from the aforementioned method of asking about getting together for a drink or bite to eat and just being creative.  I did that with a waiter once and he was gay but just not interested so rather than crushing my soul, he made up an excuse that I saw right through but understood. 

It’s right about now that Rolling Stones song comes in …. you can’t always get what you want.  Yeah, it’s true regardless of how much money or power you have.  Although I am quite confident if I had money the guys would be lined up beside my so-called long-lost relatives.  Considering where I am at right now, I would easily consider being a sugar daddy if I had money.  Since I don’t have money, well, there is no cost for dreaming. 

If you have any ideas or thoughts, I’m all ears.  Chances are this will turn into one of those roads not traveled and I will always be left to wonder, what if.  I know there is another guy out there for me.  The difficult part is finding him.  I don’t really want to go through all of the typical relationship BS with trial and error, rejection, finding out this one isn’t right and moving on.  I just don’t think I can take that.  However, I do realize that my chances of finding Mr. Right on the first try are slim to none. 

I met my late spouse when I was much younger and he was considerably older.  When he needed someone by his side, he knew that he could count on me.  I’d like to have the same stable person to count on that would be there for me.  I would really like to avoid dying alone but I kind of think that is what is going to happen.  My knowledgeable late spouse often told me, there is nothing lonelier than a lonely queer.  I used to nod my head in agreement.  Little did I know that someday that lonely queer would be me. 

Passwords & Security

Good Day, I hope that this finds you doing well.  Today I thought I would switch things up a bit and write a Technology article.  

Everyone has at least one but probably more than one account that requires a password.  Passwords are like physical keys in that they are a bit of a pain.  As you evolve you will undoubtedly have to create passwords for more and more accounts.  What is the best method?  How many characters should I make it?  How will I remember it?  When should I change it? 

Best practices are not to use anything simple.  Most people use something that is easy for them to remember but also easy for others to guess.  At least one of you reading this article has a password that contains at least one of the following … a current or former pet’s name, your house number, part of your social security number, a spouse’s name, a crushes name, part of your name or the numbers 123.  Passwords are personal so folks tend to personalize them.  They aren’t license plates and no one should ever know them.  What to do? 

Your best bet is to sign up for a password manager.  This is essentially a vault where you can securely store multiple passwords the advantage being that you only have to remember the master password aka the password to the vault.  Be careful because if you lose the master password you will lose access to your vault.  Some password managers will choose random passwords for you to use on sites/accounts that you need.  Your best bet is to make a password lengthy 16 characters or greater to be more specific.  Some older systems won’t allow for super long passwords but use as many characters as possible.  Change your passwords on a regular basis.  Every 60 to 90 days is good but at a minimum 1 time per year.  Whatever password your using, do not tack an extra character on the new password, make it totally different. 

There are many password managers on the market.  I found an article that PC Magazine put together that outlines the Best PasswordManagers for 2020.  Give it a read and hopefully it will help you make your choice.  Most password managers are free but paid versions offer greater features and they aren’t terribly expensive.  If you have the extra cash I would recommend paying for the extra features. 

The best approach in security is to have layers.  In addition to having complex passwords it is also best to enable something called Two Factor Authentication [2FA].  What is that? 

Two-Factor Authentication (2FA) is sometimes called multiple factor authentication.  Adding one more step of authenticating your identity makes it harder for an attacker to access your data. This drastically reduces the chances of fraud, data loss, or identity theft.  This is typically something physical.  Back in the day businesses used small devices that fit on your key chain called RSA tokens.  Today you can use a cell phone and have as many digital tokens as you need.  Usually this is a 6-digit number that randomly changes every 30 seconds.   

In order to take advantage of 2FA the provider of the account needs to have it available for you to use.  Most financial institutions, some health care providers, some email providers, both Google and Apple as well as other organizations take advantage of 2FA.  If it’s available I suggest enabling it. 

Some organizations use SMS or text messaging to send a code to your cell phone.  This is old school and has been proven to be insecure but if it’s the only option offered take it, as it’s better than nothing. 

Just like Password Managers there are multiple 2FA managers.  I recently learned of an app called Authy and it seems great because the key advantage is that it lets you backup your data as well as run the application on multiple devices which makes it a bit more convenient.  Personally, I like a push notification to my phone and then to acknowledge yes, I approve or no I reject rather than having to look up what the present 6-digit code is.  But that is a personal preference. 

I found an article that outlines the Best 2FA authenticator apps in the hopes that it will assist you in making a choice. 

I’m looking to avoid a potential headache from posting this but I want to be polite at the same time.  Suffice to say that I work in IT to generate an income/living and to have a career.  I am not looking for side work.  I actually avoid it like the plague because as soon as you touch a machine the next time something goes wrong, you get the blame.  If you have a generalized question or two, I don’t mind providing some feedback or my opinion but I don’t want to embroil myself in any issues.  Hopefully, you understand.  I don’t expect anything like this to happen but I want to put it out there to be safe.  I do hope that you find this information useful and helpful.  That is the purpose/goal of this post, as well as to educate/inform.  

Take care and I will talk with you peeps again soon!  Be well.  

Memory Lane

It seems lately I have been taking trips down Memory Lane. Be it in thoughts, dreams or in blogging. I figure I’ll travel a little further down the road here.

It’s been a very long time since I had to think about comment moderation. Today I saw a private comment that made mention of a second blog that I have. My original blog EL HOMO BLOGO was where I made my start. I had a great readership hearing from guys (young & old) all over the world. It was awesome and I was much younger. It was a fun time. I did something silly and started up a second blog that was focused on gay sex. I was posting explicit images as well as graphic original stories that were fantasies of mine (the names were changed to protect the innocent, as they say). I had the mature content warning up (the banner you see about being over 18 and having to click a button). There were a lot of gay blogs that were mysteriously shutdown all at once. During a period of time where I believe Blogger changed owners. It wasn’t terribly long after the big shut down happened, that they started to pick off others one at a time. Taking into consideration that some of my content most probably pushed the envelope and violated the TOS [Terms of Service] of Blogger at the time, they whacked both of my blogs since they were linked to the same account. I appealed and that went no where fast. For years I tried to get the original name back. I had no way to reach out to my readers and let them know what happened and my fun came to a halt quickly. Needless to say, I was quite upset about it and thought it was unfair.

Years later I found that my original name for my blog was once again available. I was quick to scoop it up. I made a post to let anyone know that might visit the old blog to come on over to my new virtual home. That blog has 2 posts on it one from when I was able to get the name back and one from today, both of which point you to this blog. While I have two blogs registered to me, I only publish regularly here. I like to hang on to the original name for nostalgia and maybe the hope that I could get a former reader back.

Being 100% transparent I got off from looking for material to publish as well as publishing the material and writing the stories. I don’t think I was wrong for doing what I did, but I will still refer to it as a mistake. The thing about mistakes is that as long as you learn from them and don’t repeat them it’s okay. Consider it a life lesson. When you know better, you do better. 

It’s very nice for a platform such as Blogger to give away an endless amount of space to people [such as myself] for free to publish their blogs, regardless of content. Thanks Blogger! I have learned from the error of my ways.

Considering that I have new readers, the true joy of blogging is coming back to life and considering that the world at large is on lock down it’s refreshing to have something to look forward to and to get enjoyment from.

Funny story, I chose the name EL HOMO because one of the guys I used to work with at quitting time always said, okay time to go EL HOME-O, meaning returning to home. I thought it was cute and a perfect name for my digital home.

On a different note, today was a rough day at the office so I am looking forward to some R&R with the kids tonight. Hopefully, I can find something decent to watch to occupy my time. I hope all is well in your world and that you are safe. Take care and I will talk with you peeps again soon!

Ye Old Tuesday

Welcome back!  I thought we all could use a laugh so I posted some YouTube videos that I found humorous.  I hope they at a minimum bring a smile to your face and at a maximum cause you to laugh. 

It’s been a long time since I had other blogs to link to, but I am thankful that time has returned.  So you should notice a new gadget – widget or web doo hickey that shows ‘Other Great Blogs..’ I hope that the list will grow with time and it will provide everyone some new blogs to check out. 

While I enjoy posting about my day I also like topic writing and actually think that I far excel at writing about a topic vs blathering on about my day.  I’m giving though to what topic to consider next.  If you have ideas or suggestions, fire away I am all ears. 

Not sure what others use to blog but I have a process, which I am actually circumventing today because of a lack of time.  Normally I compose my post in Word.  Then I have the computer read it back to me, just to hear how it sounds.  In case your wondering, no I am not blind.  I catch things with the audio that I don’t see right away.  When I am done and ready to publish I fire up Open Live Writer.  It’s a free program.  I started years ago with Live Writer by Microsoft.  MS discontinued the program and the Open Live Writer project was born.  I have issues with inserting video or images so if I want those I have to go straight to the blogger web platform and insert or add those items there. 

As for my day it was average.  I am behind on some personal tasks but all is well and under control at work.  The beggars are hollering for me because they want their supper.  It was kind of funny last night I fed them first like always.  I hadn’t even gotten my dinner from the microwave and they were yapping at me because they wanted their noodle time.  I call it noodle time because Marv turns in to a limp noodle when he is next to me on the couch.  Gator climbs up or should I say makes me lift her up on the love seat and then she curls up and falls asleep.  It’s not really until they are out cold that I can play on my phone.  If they see me with that gadget in my hand they do everything they can to vie for my attention.  They hate my phone because it sometimes takes away from their time.  Hey I hate my phone too but only when work is on the other end. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Stay safe and come back again soon.  Talk with you peeps later!

Humor

Depression

Most everyone gets depressed from time to time, but you bounce back. However, some of us don’t bounce back and stay in this state. When I was growing up my mother would constantly say she was depressed. I didn’t know what that meant until I got older.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and looking back I have always had some bouts with depression, but it really took a firm hold and became front and center in my life, when in the early 2000’s my now late spouse was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer. It was caught at an early stage and the treatment options were Chemotherapy and Radiation. Unfortunately, his body responded to radiation by causing the cancer to grow. The cancer was then in an advanced state and the survival rate was mediocre at best. The day of his surgery outside of the day he passed was the single longest and most trying day in my lifetime. I knew things were bad when he went for his surgical consultation on a Monday and the surgeon wanted to operate on Thursday.

I have to inject some humor here, I mean it’s only appropriate, right? Digressing for a moment. So, the day of his surgery my mom was with me. He was all prepped for surgery and we got to see him before they got started. The anesthesiologist was asking my mom if he snored. She quickly responded I have no idea. To which the doctors retort was well ma’am you sleep with him so you should know. That’s when she said nope, I’m single but my son here sleeps with him. The doctor said you mean those two are. She said yes! It’s like suddenly he’s talking in the 3^rd person and he forgot we were there. I spoke up and said yes, he snores like a freight train. Everyone got a good chuckle and honestly, we all needed it, tension was high.

Back on point. Thinking that he was going to die just sent my brain into information overload. I didn’t want to eat; I didn’t care about anything but him and I just wanted to self-isolate and hide from the world at large. I had to be able to continue to hold a job, which meant going to work. I had to be there for him and be able to function in general. That’s when I asked my doctor for help and my world as I knew it changed forever, but in a very good way.

I tried a few different drugs some light and some heavy. 1 in particular was given to people who were psychotic but the side effect that it caused was that you didn’t care about anything. My problem on that was I didn’t care about anything and didn’t want to do anything but mostly sleep, it was as if I was in a trance and I felt horrible. That was after 1 pill and I knew I had to get away from that drug quickly. Fast forward to finding what worked for me. Wellbutrin and Effexor. Once we got the schedule and doses figured out Wellbutrin is my morning pill. Effexor is the afternoon pill. Too much Effexor and I get ED (Erectile Disfunction) and that in and of its self will make you depressed. I can fight against it but I have to do a lot of work to achieve orgasm and that’s just not how I want to live. Once I had a therapeutic dose in my body, I began to think more clearly and see things in a different light. No, everything wasn’t rose colored and I didn’t suddenly turn in to a positive upbeat person. Sure, chemically it altered my brain & thinking but it didn’t remove reality and I still thought about how I would manage once he passed away. Little did I know at the time that he would go on to beat Cancer and survive. It was a very long and scary road but after 5 years he was pronounced Cancer free. I really wish at the time of his diagnosis I had a crystal ball and could see into the future, not very far but just far enough to know that he would be okay. He fought and he won, but it changed us as a couple and radically altered our sex life, which lead to other issues. He had a colostomy and it’s not attractive and the smell, well it’s the most foul you can possibly imagine. Totally not his fault but reality was that I didn’t want to be anywhere near it.

Despite the fact that the battle was won and over for all intense and purposes I elected to remain on the anti-depressants. One day I opted to try to quit and just stopped taking the medicine. In 4 to 5 days I learned why that was not a good idea and I got seriously ill. You can’t just stop taking them, you have to taper off of them slowly. I’ve done that a couple times and always get to a point where I am close to the end, but can’t finish. My body gets slightly ill and everything is off, it feels bad. I always revert back to normal by starting back to taking the medicine like normal and in a few days, everything sorts it’s self out. I think I will be on these drugs for the rest of my life, it’s not something that I wanted long term when I signed up for help. However, reality is what it is.

My true problem here is that I struggle with death and dealing with it. Regardless if it’s a friend, relative or pet. It’s a forever change, meaning the person isn’t coming back and you’re not going to hear from them again. That’s the struggle. I understand that death is part of life just as much as birth is. However, it seems rather silly to be born only to eventually die.

The one side effect of depression that I have yet to overcome is insomnia. That might explain why I drafted this post at 3am. Prior to the pandemic I would wake up on occasion in the middle of the night, especially if something was really bothering me, causing me to worry. Now it’s just random and for no reason, other than I think stress. Give it about an hour and I get sleepy and will be back in bed. Then morning rolls around and I drag ass all day long. Working from home has 1 advantage in that I can take a nap. Me and my cat Gator look forward to an afternoon nap every workday. We eat a quick lunch and then she climbs up in my lap, I play with my phone for a minute or two. By then she is all comfy and falling asleep. Soon I follow, until the damn phone goes off or there is a noise and then it’s game over. I’ve also been able to sleep for an hour at a time when I just didn’t feel like working and had to sleep. I am a baby when it comes to sleep, if I don’t have it, I don’t function well [or if severely depleted I won’t attempt to function]. Not that it matters but I did address my insomnia with my doctor and have medication for that as well.

What do I want you to take away from this post? Simply that depression is real, there is treatment for it and you can overcome it. It’s not the end of the world and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. It won’t be an overnight thing but in short term with treatment you should be able to regain control and feel much better.

Just because I am on medication probably for the duration of my life, doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be. Were all different in many ways. Depression can happen to anyone at any age and for any reason. The important part is recognizing there is a problem and seeking help.

Thanks for stopping by today, take care of yourself and be well. I hope by sharing my story that it helps someone.  Talk with you peeps again soon!

In case your new here

Welcome and thanks for stopping by. In case your new here, I wanted to tell you about me. I’m gay, but you probably figured that out by the title of my blog. I have a witty and also a dry sense of humor. I believe at least some of it was inherited from my late grandmother or so I’d like to think. I am verbose or in simpler terms I like to talk. Sometimes that can get me in trouble and other times it keeps me out of trouble.

I am in my late 40’s, I am out of shape but with a little work that can change. I am a type 2 diabetic and have a lower back injury. I’ve got an ongoing battle with depression, but outside of that I’m well. I prefer the air-conditioned office to working manual labor. I am a masculine guy. My taste in men varies but in general a little bit but not too much muscle, smooth but not overly hairy. I am most definitely an ass man. The smaller the better and of course there is nothing wrong with a bubble butt. I get that there is more to a man than his body and while I can look for hours at beautiful men and obsess at the end of the day, I’m not about the hook up, I am about building a relationship so I don’t have casual sex, ever. It sounds like fun but just not my cup of tea. I love food (hence part of the reason why I am out of shape). Italian, Mexican and American are my favorites. I can be a picky eater. I don’t like exotic things or gourmet food. Give me something classic like a Burrito, Lasagna or a Pork Fritter. Sweets are my downfall. Donuts, Cake, Pie, Ice Cream, Cookies and most any kind of pastry. My childhood neighbors ran a bakery and they were forever giving my family things from their shop. I think that is part of the reason why I just love sugar.

I was together with my spouse (an older man) since I was around 18 or 19 years old. It’s around 25 years total that we were together. While we were together for years, we weren’t married until 4 months before he passed away. He had lots of health problems but as long as he took his medication, he was fine. Long story short he became confused and like me he had a love for sugar. He stopped taking his blood thinner medication for what is estimated to be around 3 months and began consuming Coca-Cola like it was going out of style. He thought he was taking his medicine but in reality, he wasn’t. There were signs and plenty of them but I didn’t realize it until it was far too late. He had a massive 2^nd stroke (the first one happened many years back, after a doctor gave him too much clotting medicine while he was undergoing a surgical procedure). He was on life support and I had to make the decision to remove it because there was no chance for a meaningful recovery and/or a quality life. While it might sound like an overwhelming decision it was actually the easiest thing I have done. Don’t get me wrong it was difficult but we had talked about it and expressed our wishes. We had legal paperwork to back up our decisions so they were in writing. We always thought that he would go first and it’s probably better that way. He was my rock and shield, he taught me a lot of things in the time we were together. Like in any relationship/life there were good & bad times. I wouldn’t be who I am today without having met him.

Once he passed away, I didn’t and still don’t care that much for living. I am going on for one major reason and that is the cats. My hope is that I will meet a guy and fall in love, that will be reason enough to go on and hopefully I will once again find happiness. At the time he [my late spouse] passed away I had a menagerie of 7 cats. 5 of them were family. I took in a pregnant female cat years earlier and she had 2 boys and 2 girls. He named her children (I got to name her) and once you name them, your stuck with them. Say what you will but it’s the truth. I did try to give them away and he claims to have tried but it just didn’t come to pass. Earlier this year I lost Momma that pregnant female I took in 17 years ago. She never, ever for a second forgot that I was her savior. After my spouse passed away, she did a wonderful job looking after me like a mother would and reminding me when it was time to wake up, time to go to bed and of course time to feed her and pay her attention. 1 of her sons and 1 of her daughters are still with me. Her daughter has taken her place, in that she is looking after me, while it’s not the same thing I can easily see the resemblance.

I was raised by my mom’s parents. I had a relationship with my biological mom but never met my biological father, because he chose to disown me. After my grandfather passed away in 1998, we got a house and moved in together. He wanted a brand-new house and I am the one who gave him the idea of just buying one that was on the market. He had a dream to one day live in the subdivision we are in. I am not quite fond of it at all but like any good husband I supported him and his dreams as he supported mine. The place was a few years old but in excellent shape. Once we moved in, we found issues and it quickly earned its name “The Money Pit” yes, just like the movie. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the movie just minor things but it was frustrating. The house is getting old just like it’s occupants and it needs work. I am not a handy man or a mechanic, nor am I a wealthy person. I am barely middle class. I have a few nice things but a large bank account isn’t one of them.

As you can well imagine it felt like my world came to and end when he passed away. We weren’t open about our sexuality. Those people that needed to know, knew but otherwise as a couple we elected to keep it quiet. Once he died, I was all too eager to tell the world as I wanted to do many years earlier. There was hurt from that and he told me that would happen but at least I don’t have to feel like I am hiding. I don’t walk around with a shirt or a bumper sticker and I am not out at work to the company. I have told my boss and a few co-workers. I made the mistake of telling a former co-worker and one day we didn’t get along because she turned into a cunt, then she announced it to the office behind my back. I of course didn’t find out until the damage was done. Sadly, many more people than I want to know, know but it is what it is. I am a private person and don’t like to live in the limelight.

I am not boasting or gloating but I have dealt with a lot of shit in my lifetime and been in plenty of situations where it didn’t look good for me. Somehow things managed to turn around and I survived. There is absolutely no doubt that my late spouse would be nothing short of proud of me and who I am today. Knowing that also helps to keep me pushing on.

I don’t really have any friends. That is a scary thing when you find yourself sick or like now when there is a pandemic. I’ve got a married older couple who I refer to as my thanksgiving friends. They have been by my side from the time he got sick and died but with time our relationship is slowly starting to fizzle or so I feel. I am always calling them; they never call me except when it gets close to thanksgiving. I make reservations and we go out to eat as a matter of carrying on a tradition that me and my late spouse set many years ago. I don’t think that will be the case this year with the pandemic looming, but hey we still have a few months so it’s possible but I don’t have high hopes.

I have been on countless dating websites and apps. I went on 2 dates. One of them was because I agreed to pay upfront. The other guy was poor or claimed to be. The photo he sent me was touched up because in real life he was covered with warts and you could easily tell he was gay because when he spoke, his purse fell out of his mouth. He tried to get me to come back to his place and I know he wanted sex but that didn’t happen. He poured on the pressure for weeks, to the point where I had to be an asshole and just tell him to leave me alone. The second guy well he was younger than me, had wealthy parents and he was more interested in being on his phone than on a date with me. He ended the date abruptly by running out of the restaurant. He just suddenly had to go and said keep in touch. Yeah, we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Striking up a conversation on an app is difficult at best. You start with a hi how’s it going and get a hello and fine back. Then it’s awkward really quick. I don’t like alcohol and I am not a smoker, which is why you won’t find me at a bar.

COVID has really put a halt on my dating efforts. I found a website called meet up where you can join a group of people who have a common interest, the group meets up in person and that’s how you make friends. There are plenty of LGBT groups and one of them happened to be a foodie’s group which I thought was perfect for me. They decided to still meetup after the initial ban was lifted in our area but that was just too risky for me. I have since dropped out and have plans to rejoin once life returns to a state of normal. I hope that I will be able to meet a guy that way. It’s kind of tough to ignore a person when they are sitting across from you, whereas in digital form it’s really easy to ignore someone.

Speaking of digital form, that leads me to what I do for a living. I am an IT Professional. I started out in support where when someone forgot their password, I would be the person they called or they didn’t know how to work a program or the machine was doing odd things. Yeah that was me, Mr. Fix it to the rescue. I am 100% self-taught. I graduated High School and have 0 college and 0 certifications. Today I am a senior cyber-security analyst protecting a large organization. I am thankful in that anywhere I can get an internet connection I can work. My employer prior to COVID wasn’t terribly receptive to working from home but today the entire organization is working remote. I am really particularly proud of my professional accomplishment. People actually seek me out to ask for help or my opinion, it’s really great. My employer takes care of their people and as of tomorrow I will be there 6 full years and hopefully with many, many more to come.

I’ve got a brother who is one year younger than me. We are polar opposites. He likes girls and manual labor. I like boys and air conditioning. We were brothers when we were younger but that quickly came to an end. We have been estranged. He’s my brother and I have a love for him but every time I get around him something bad happens. He’s more of the white trash type person and that’s not how he was raised but he met a girl and she has smothered him, cutting off all of his friends. I’m convinced she killed our mom but I can’t prove it. I think she is working on killing him next and it’s just best for me if I stay as far away from them as possible. He married her a year ago after they broke up, he just decided one day that he couldn’t live without her and snapped. She is a money grabber and he’s dumb enough to give her all of his money. I feel my blood starting to boil, so I’ll just leave it here.

That’s me in a nutshell. For full disclosure, for my safety Jeremy Ryan is a pen name and not my real name. I knew a long time ago when I started blogging about the dangers of a digital world and like it or not the danger is real. What I write about is stuff that has happened to me. Nothing you read here is made up it’s all 100% the truth and nothing but the truth, with the obvious exception being my name.

A month or so ago I lost a blogger friend who knew my real name, we went through something together. I knew for sure that she was reading my blog each and every day. Outside of that I honestly don’t think an actual human being is reading on a regular basis, hey I could be wrong. I don’t get many comments and that is what lead me to arrive at that conclusion. Recently I found a couple of new blogs and have started posting comments and I think those authors and some of their readers may potentially be reading and I hope that is the case.

I realize this is a bit long winded, but I told you I was a verbose person. I blog for two reasons. One to share what is going on in my life, it’s therapeutic. Two because there might be something, I am going through that someone else can glean knowledge from or that I can help. I get that life in and of its self is difficult, but then throw in your sexuality to the mix and it becomes a bit more complicated. Coming out is a personal decision that you alone have to make. If it’s not safe or you don’t feel comfortable my advice is don’t do it. Once you let the cat out of the bag, that is information that you can’t take back and like it or not people do judge you, even though were in 2020 not everything has changed with the times. We sure have come a long way!

Thank you for stopping by. I do hope that you will return on a regular basis and if you feel so inclined leave a comment. If there is something you want to know ask. If there is a topic, you’d like to see me write about holler. I get that not everyone feels compelled or comfortable to leave a comment. Just so you know privacy is paramount with me. All comments are in moderated mode, meaning I have to approve them before they get published. I have had people in the past say things and let me know they didn’t want it published; I respected their wishes.

While it’s my blog I want everyone that chooses to visit to feel comfortable. I think were all here (on earth) for some purpose. My purpose I feel is to help others. Take care and be well. I’ll talk with you peeps again soon!

Itchy – Scratchy | Update

Hey we finally made it to the weekend. Hello again Saturday you son of a gun, where have you been hiding at? I love Saturdays they are the best day of the weekend, your done with the work week and it’s your first day of freedom. Sunday your still free but eventually if you’re like me you start thinking about heading back to work and get depressed.

Anyway, I broke open the foam and found that I ordered way too much once I got to applying it. The gap that I applied it to wasn’t nearly as wide as it looked, which is both good & bad. Now I have a ton of spray foam and nothing to do with it. There is a white decorative wooden post on the front porch that the gutter is attached to. I found early in the year that part of it was rotting. I opted to inject some foam into it. What I didn’t know is that it was hollow and I wound up with foam coming out of the bottom. It looks horrible now but I am stuck with it. Worse yet, it’s orange foam so it’s not like I can hide it. SOB.

After about an hour I opted to go back out and tackle the clogged gutter. I purchased a gutter cleaning extension pole that hooks up to the hose and blasts water, so you don’t need a pressure washer and can stay off a ladder. I figured this was a great buy considering last time I fell off the ladder twice. It was a great buy but I think it only got part of the job done. Water is flowing out of the gutter but clearly there is still some obstruction and I need to get up on a ladder to find out what is going on. I am hesitant but once I do climb up, I am putting what I refer to as chicken wire, to help keep debris out in the hopes that I won’t endlessly be cleaning the damn thing.

I got next to ivy, which I think is poison ivy and something managed to get in my eye. Not to mention the mosquitoes still love me. When I was done, I got undressed (as in naked) in the garage. Don’t worry the door was down, I am not the neighborhood streak. Although I do think my neighbors know that I like to walk around my house in the nude in the morning and evening. Once I was undressed, it was inside and into the shower. Cold water never felt so good. I was hot and it didn’t help that Gator came in and was meowing at the shower curtain because she was hungry. I had to splash some water on her to get her to go away. Then listen to her express how hurt her feelings were. Honestly, I didn’t much care I was more interested in getting clean and hopefully washing any oil from the ivy off of me. Every itch I have now concerns me but I’ll know soon enough if I have it or not. I am hoping for not.

After the shower I got Gator & Marv their lunch. Then grabbed an ice-cold Diet Mt. Dew and sat in my chair to cool down. Eventually, I wound up in bed and tried to take a nap. My blood sugar fell since I didn’t have anything for lunch and I was really close to passing out. I ate some chips n salsa but that didn’t do it. So, I devoured what was left of the awful red velvet cake I bought. That did the trick but it took a little bit of time before I was back to feeling 100%. I rested some more in my chair and then got up and started moving.

Before leaving I remembered that I had a coupon for the pet food store. It was 10% off for an order of $40 or more. I left it at home and said I don’t spend that on food. Yeah well don’t you know my bill was $42. I have no luck. I grabbed my mail and prescription. I wanted to grab a bite to eat but considering the cake I had about an hour earlier I chose to head home. Several hours later I had a frozen dinner that wasn’t the greatest, but it did provide some nourishment. The kids [Marv & Gator] got their supper.

I am here in the dungeon of a basement, where I spent most of my days working. Only now I am catching up on personal stuff like paying bills, getting my old phone ready to ship and blogging.

I had a change of heart about trading in my old phone with my carrier, only because I found they aren’t going to give me but $60 when Gazelle will give me more. Needless to say, I am going with Gazelle because I like and need money. The new phone is all up and running fine. I got my tempered glass applied and grabbed a new Mophie. The battery life on this new phone is just amazing, when my old phone would drain in nothing flat, this new thing is like the Energizer Bunny, it keeps going and going and going. I will be going days in between charges instead of having to charge it every night. That will take some getting used to but I like it.

Tomorrow is grocery shopping day, house cleaning and general last day to relax and unwind before I go back to the bump & grind. Ah well it occupies my mind and time. I have put in for some vacation and am waiting on approval. I won’t be going anywhere but to the doctor and maybe the hospital for a blood draw. Outside of that it will be a staycation considering the current events of the world.

I read a post on FB from a childhood friend who is now a teacher. He thinks were all cowering to the virus and afraid of it. Yeah, I kind of am, considering I have multiple risk factors and can get it more easily than the average person. In any event his point was that he wants to go back to teaching in the classroom and thinks that we should all just be brave. Yeah okay, you be brave go back to the classroom, just make me your beneficiary. I understand wanting to go back to “normal” I think we all want that but now is not the time and August won’t be the time. We have a fundamental flaw in that our leadership is incompetent and incapable of handling this crisis. Until someone with a brain is in charge and we just push pause, go back to lockdown and start over and much more slowly re-open. Get a vaccine for this and/or more rapid treatment then and only then will it be safe for everyone to go back to normal. If you want to engage in risky behavior and ignore the guidance that the scientific community has suggested well then, I think you deserve what you get and there’s no sympathy from me. You do you and I’ll do me. I think unless I self-destruct from going insane from being isolated, that I’ll be here for many more years to come, while others won’t because they did a dumb thing.

I know that I likely have some new readers and I am not a political person; I tend to keep that out of my blog but right now COVID-19 has upended the world and its part of my reality as it is yours. With the moron we have in charge and how badly he has fucked up our country and how many needless people have died from this, all because someone doesn’t know how to handle a pandemic, I can’t help but express my utter frustration and disappointment. Those probably aren’t strong enough words but I am angry like many other people. At the end of the day I just want my “normal” life back. I think if we had more competent leadership that the picture, we look at today would be vastly different.

Goodnight for now. I hope that your doing well and staying cool in this hot summer heat. Be safe and well. Take good care of you because you’re the only you that you have. No one else can be you but you!

New phone–mad cat

Wednesday was a wild and wacky day at work. A simple task turned into a Tornado and much drama but I survived. I was on edge waiting for my phone to arrive. Every Amazon package that was scheduled for delivery all came before the FedEx person showed up very late in the afternoon. I figured they would arrive at a most inconvenient time as well as the fact they would want a signature. Nope they just dropped the box and left. Anyone could have picked it up but no one could have activated the phone, so I soon found out the hard way.

This was my first phone by mail upgrade. Apple did a great job of making a transfer utility to get information from the old phone to the new phone. They force you to upgrade IOS on the new device to the latest before they will do any data transfer and there is no skipping that part. I had some issues with the transfer process and only had to start over 1 time. Then everything was smooth as silk the phone was up and running. The instructions I was provided said to follow the setup of the new device and then try to make some calls; the new phone should auto activate. Yeah well that was dead wrong. I had to login to my carrier’s app and then into a web page designed for activations. I had to authenticate and then tell them that I really wanted to activate my new phone. It took a couple minutes. They said you could use the old device until the new one was active and to power cycle the new phone. By the time I did that the new phone was all set. I made some test calls and confirmed it’s all up and working. Unfortunately, to get some apps setup I had to return to the basement to be in front of a physical computer and while I was here, I elected to go ahead with the corporate setup of the phone to get our authentication app for two factor setup and corporate email on my device. I did everything myself and needed no help from anyone because I have the power. That was really nice and it was super simple.

When I climbed the steps close to 9p to get ready for bed, I was saddened to learn that Marvin was deeply upset with me. He ate a little bit of his treats and then crawled under the couch. I went over to talk with him and he just wasn’t having it. He permitted me to touch him but expressed his displeasure with his voice. I felt really bad. We had spent a short time together on the couch and then I had to dash back to the basement so his daddy time got cut. I value our time together as much as he does.

Sadly, I have to do a bit of work tonight as well. I plan to break out my laptop and do it from the couch. It’s a task that can’t be performed during working hours but hopefully it doesn’t take terribly long. I’m kind of over work after yesterday.

I suppose Gator knew all about her brother’s feelings so she decided to comfort me by spending time in my lap as I watched TV in my room. She was kneading her claws and I wasn’t paying attention until they dug into me for a split second. She didn’t draw any blood but it did hurt.

I was exhausted and had no trouble at all falling asleep. Gator woke me at 5a this morning because she was cold. I got her to jump in bed with me and I was holding her she was on top of the comforter and just radiating heat like nobody’s business. If I wouldn’t have been in bed, she would have been under the cover hiding and trying to stay warm. The AC was in the process of turning off but it never moves fast enough for her when she gets cold, she doesn’t mess around in trying to get warm. It’s funny but I was not amused at 5a. Needless to say, I didn’t really get back to sleep and by the time I was comfortable the alarm clock was going off.  Thankfully Marvin and I are back on good terms this morning.  I am making sure he gets extra attention today to try to make up for yesterday. 

Today has been better, but knowing that I have to work tonight doesn’t make me terribly happy. Outside of that life is going well. The foam I ordered should arrive tomorrow. The weather looks like it’s going to be HOT for the weekend and then more rain is moving in the first part of the week. So hopefully I will feel like getting my fanny in gear and doing some work. I made an impulse buy and got a gutter scoop, it showed up today and it’s pretty neat for $3.45. Beats getting your hands dirty.

I hope all is well in your world and that your taking care of yourself. Hang in there one more day and then were at the weekend again. Talk with you peeps again soon!

Babbling on and on

Hello Blogger Universe I am still alive and kicking!

Over the weekend I watched the Netflix series “Down To Earth” with Zac Effron. He does appear shirtless in the series a couple times and yes, he has a nice body. While I wouldn’t kick him out of bed if he were there, he’s not my first choice only because there is a little too much hair on his chest. I like a smooth or smoother guy. Anyway, the series was quite informative and I saw things that I would never otherwise see, so if you need an escape from this crazy world do yourself a favor and check out the series, it’s quite worth your time.

Last week I got an email telling me that I could join a class action lawsuit against Apple for performance issues. The benefit is $25 which will be paid once all the dust settles (takes a few months or in some cases years). Thinking nothing of it, I opted in. I mean its free money that I am entitled to, right? Why not join. Over the weekend I happened to check on my device’s battery performance (as I do from time to time) and was stunned to see that it’s no longer in Peak Performance as it has been for years. It now says Service. I find it quite coincidental that this happened after I opted into the class action suit. It feels like Apple is seeking revenge. Well they got it. I have a new phone on order that should be here hopefully before weeks end. I opted for the SE in Red and the base model at 64gb, which is plenty. I am coming from an iPhone 7 at 128gb and I have barely scratched the surface of using any space on it. The best part of this is that I will trade in my old device for credit and it’s in like new condition (minus the battery performance) so I think it’s easily worth $100 if not more. Gazelle says $97 but I am choosing to trade in with my carrier, which I haven’t done before. I will get credit to use towards paying a bill or two maybe if I am lucky 3 bills. Taking a 30 month no interest loan seems like a smart decision rather than forking over all of the money up front, but I’ll likely pay the device off early if things work to my advantage. The best part of this is that my case and screen cover should fit the new phone so I will save myself money not having to invest in new accessories – that was one of the selling points, the other was the price and the fact that I wouldn’t have to switch to face id. Eventually I will have to give in but I am good for a couple more years hopefully. Never got a phone shipped to me either, so that process is new. I just hope this all turns out okay and I have high hopes that it will.

I’ve got another home improvement project on my hands. We got a hell of a storm that came threw the area. I saw water pooling by my front porch and there is soil erosion. Not the best thing to look at but having had a prior mold issue I know what the future holds if I fail to act. Researching a solution, I found 2 options. Of which are, Foam or Mud Jacking. It involves drilling a hole in the top and then injecting concrete (if you choose the mud option) or foam until you see that the crack has been filled completely. Foam seems to be cheaper and cover a little stronger but the mud option looks to be the preferred way. Considering that I am not made of money and don’t want to hire someone as both options are best done by a professional, I got creative and came up with my own solution. They sell gap & crack foam in large tubes and you can purchase a gun to inject it or spread it in a more controlled manner. That’s what I did, I shelled out some money and bought a bunch of foam & a gun. It’s on the way and once we have a dry day and I feel motivated I am going out and spraying foam. I talked it over with a younger co-worker and he seems to think it seems like a logical DIY way to go. I just pray I am making the right call here and this actually does the trick like I envision it will. I know foam helped me save the day with my mold issue inside after the remediation was done. The one thing that I neglected to notice until the order shipped was that I ordered bright orange foam. I wasn’t given a choice of colors but if I was that wouldn’t have been one that I would have chosen. Hey at least the house will look festive for Halloween. Actually, if I manage to do this right no one will notice from a distance, you will have to be up close. Once it cures, I could always chop off any excess and then cover the outside with concrete and no one would be the wiser. I don’t know that I will go to those efforts until or if I get to a point where I want to sell (this money trap) and move.

Being depressed over the porch I signed up for some just for fans porn. I am subscribed to a porn star who just looks for random guys in addition to other porn stars like himself and they hookup anywhere. I saw videos in stairwells, hotels, airports, bathrooms, movie theaters, and even a Wal-Mart bathroom. It all seems really hot like he is living life on the edge and well he is. It’s a turn on for me but not something that I would actually do. The risks as I see them are far too great. Not to mention getting caught but what diseases you might pick up or with my luck the guy who pretends to be gay only to be a straight gay hating person who tries to murder me. Yeah, no thanks. However, I am enjoying what I see. I’ve signed up for 3 months and then I am done and plan to walk away.

The cats both seem to be doing okay and they are both rather chatty and demanding. Give one a bit of attention and the other one has to have it as well. I was asked by a co-worker for tips on working at home. He’s got a younger cat who won’t leave him alone and wants to play all day long, which makes it next to impossible to get any work done. I remember those days but I am thankful that I have senior citizen cats who just want to sleep and eat all day long. They don’t bother me much. I do wish they were younger only so that I could hang on to them longer but I am enjoying the ride for what it is. I savor each moment and day I get with them, knowing full well that our long journey together is getting closer to the end.

One of many things that I want to eat is a Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza. I can’t find a frozen one in the grocery store under any brand. Everything is cheese, one topping or supreme. I could order one but not really craving it that much. I haven’t eaten out or gotten take out or fast food in a very long time. I’ve been eating mostly on heat & eat prepared stuff from the grocery store opting to get away from the traditional TV dinner. Well for money saving purposes I am trending back to the TV Dinner and noticed that Stouffer’s has a few new additions that thus far are quite tasty. Blackened Chicken with Pasta in a white crème sauce! Macaroni & Cheese, Broccoli and Fried Chicken was also good.

I know there is plenty more that I could add but that will have to hold things for now. My work day is done and I am eager to get away from the computer and go see my furry family. Just wanted you to know that for the most part all is well and it’s just another day on house arrest here. If the rain & storms would go away that would make me a little bit happier, were getting pelted lately and there doesn’t look to be any end in sight for the next few days. Oh fun!

I hope your all doing well. Stay safe and take care. Talk with you peeps again soon.

Mundane Monday

The workday for Monday is about done.  Nothing terribly exciting to write about.  I got to see a new Phishing tool that we are going to use internally against our employees.  It’s pretty slick.  A little cumbersome and confusing to understand but I think I will get the hang of it.  I’m sure that we will be back to Phishing in no time at all.

I yelled at the new guy this morning.  He tried to shovel his way out but kept digging himself in deeper.  It was not fun at all but I need him to know the right way to do things.  He’s been making some little mistakes here and there that a seasoned person by now should know better.  He’s there to help me but I have to micro-manage him to an extent to ensure that things get done and then double check the work.  He is much better than the dope that we were stuck with for two and a half years.  I don’t want him to get to that level which is why I yell.  I need a person who will be there to help me not to hinder and drag me down.  I think I made my point and I told him that I didn’t enjoy being mad at him. 

I was able to get in a nice nap with Gator.  We curled up in my bed and my phone was on the night stand.  No one bothered us until it was time for me to get up.  I was very happy about that.  It’s like the phone has ears and as soon as it knows I am about to get comfy it sends out a distress signal that says pester him.  When I woke up I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then it was off to a meeting. 

The afternoon has drug by slowly but that is the way Monday’s go.  I had a nice breakfast of Cinnamon Oatmeal, a Lemon & Blueberry Muffin, a Banana and washed it all down with a small glass of milk.  Marvin got me up at 3a and I am not exactly sure why.  I did notice that the wireless tv box in my room lost it’s connection.  I had nothing better to do so I got up and paired it back up.  Then watched TV for an hour and was finally able to go back to sleep.  He just meowed loudly like he wanted attention not the yowling that I had months ago when it was his knee.  Lord knows I worry about him and his sister way too much. 

In being bored today I dug up my last letter to my late spouse and had the computer read it to me.  It took me down memory lane and reminded me how far I have come.  Time stands still for no one [my late grandfather was forever reminding me of that].  I do think he would be proud that I was able to keep the family together, land a decent job, get a mortgage and push forward as difficult as it has been.  I miss the company, his touch, his cooking and companionship.  He was always proud of me but after his passing it truly was my darkest hour and I’ve come a long way, as they say.  The bigger question now is will I make it out of COVID.  I have my doubts. 

I’ve got a classmate/friend in AZ and he had cancer and beat it.  He tested positive for COVID.  Sounds like he is recovering at home but he feels really bad.  He’s a traveler, drinker and fitness freak.  He lives life on the edge and eats way healthier than I do.  That might explain why he looks better than I do as well. 

Tonight’s plans are to wrap up on that Lifetime movie.  I didn’t get to watch part 3 last night.  I got lost down a YouTube rabbit hole watching old Tom Snyder videos.  He was really a great host and reminded me of a friend that I had.  It’s a shame that both of them are gone but no one lives forever [my late grandfather also was forever telling me that too].

Hope you had a great day.  Talk with you all again soon!  Be well and stay safe. 

Ramblings of the past week

Greetings!

I hope that you have enjoyed your weekend. There are still a few hours left before it’s back to work or whatever it is that happens on Monday. I’ll be on-call and not looking forward to that.

This weekend has been okay for me. I slept away a good portion of Saturday and it felt really good. I told myself that I was going to make an attempt to clean my closet but I put it off for today and actually got it done. Despite throwing some things away the closet looks worse now than when I started. Not exactly sure how that happened but it is what it is.

What I threw away were outdated futuristic sex toys. Both of these were a couple hundred dollars each so to part with them is kind of sad that I am throwing that kind of money out the door but hey it’s not like there is a market for used sex machines or if there is, I certainly don’t know about it. I almost threw out another toy that is a circular vibrator. The battery finally went dead and I figured might as well throw it out and I got to trying different things when I discovered this piece of plastic pulls out and viola you can plug in the charger. I have it recharging now!

I did find a mouse wrist rest that I am using. It’s got massaging ergo beads and feels pretty good. Not the one I was looking for but it will do for now.

One of my favorite actors/YouTube stars Scotty Dynamo made a post that he was going to be in a Lifetime movie on Friday night. I set my DVR and I saw his parts which were good but this is a thriller murder series (3 parts) and I am hooked. Sadly, his appearance was only in part 1 and he is not one of the main characters. Part 3 is on tonight and I am looking forward to watching it. Each part is 2 hours. Part of me thinks I have seen it before but based on what little research I did online it is new for 2020.

Friday was an okay day but in the afternoon my co-worker had one of those days where everything he touched turned to shit. Then it started to rub off on me as I was trying to save him. Thank God that is over with!

Marvin managed to sleep in his food and got it caked in his back leg. I had to give him a bath to get it out and he peed on me. Plus, I did something to my shoulder while I was trying to hold on to him. The upsides to this are that I had pee pads in place ahead of time and I got whatever it was caked in his fur out. He wasn’t terribly pleased with me but I think he understood that I was trying to help him.

Gator hasn’t been feeling like her normal chipper self. She is self-isolating and has thrown up a couple times. I’ve pulled her new dry food thinking that might be the cause, it’s the only real change that has been made. She seems a bit more normal today but I am not 100% that she is back to “normal”. Both her and her brother do a really good job of causing me to worry.

I have resisted the temptation to cut my hair. I really want to give in but I think I might actually grow it out. I am at least giving it a try. It looks super messy right now. I managed to work it when I went out on Saturday. Today for the grocery store I put on a hat. I am not a hat wearing guy. I have some that I have collected over the years. I look good in a hat but just have to get comfortable wearing one. Lots of guys I know love them and have been wearing them more during this lockdown period.

I’ve decided to return to the basics when it comes to breakfast. Back to a bowl of Oatmeal in the morning. I’ve got Belvita crackers as well as some store muffins to help me out this week. I will consume less dairy and keep a lot of the sugar out of my system. It’s been fun and while I may switch back to sugar cereal right now, I need to try to lose weight as best as I can. I figure that this will help or at least it can’t hurt.

I got a dynamite supper. Baked Beans, Cheddar Mashed Potatoes and BBQ Pork I believe along with a couple of rolls. The grocery store was selling these pre made dinners for $10 and it looked so good I have to try it. I have some cheesecake I am working on finishing up and figure a slice of that will just top off this meal. I hope it tastes as good as it looks!

This is sleeping medicine week. I am out of one prescription and reached out to my doctor’s office last week, they said the doc would take care of it but he hasn’t. I called the pharmacy and they are faxing him a request. The other medicine I have filled locally and will request a refill in a couple of days, I have a few pills left. Lord knows that I need this medicine now more than ever. I have had a lot of sleepless nights.

This week will be the first check that we get our reduced pay. I think if I play my cards right that I will be okay but I have to know what I am working with. Plus, I have a personal loan that is close to being paid off in a few months so that will give me extra cash. We had a staff meeting last week and since the virus is back to spreading again, we have delayed opening our offices, which was to be expected. I think it will be later in the year before we reopen to those that want to go in. I think that it will be sometime next year before we go back to attendance in the office being mandatory for everyone. We got good news on the financial front people are back to paying their bills and we are doing okay. I think that it’s going to be a close call if we make budget for the year but hopefully, we do. Plus were all still waiting to hear about pay raises and who knows when that will happen, I don’t expect it until next year unless the economy turns around drastically.

That’s about all I know. I am going to grab my laundry and head up to grab that amazing dinner I wrote about as well as feed the two fur babies and try to watch something on TV to occupy my time. The movie I am watching doesn’t come on for a couple hours. That said I have consumed a lot of content that is on YouTube this week. Interviews, Music Videos, Vlogs you name it and I have probably watched it.

Here we go again for another week. I hope it’s a quiet and uneventful ride. Time will tell. I hope that you stay safe and have a great week. We will talk again soon.

COVID Blues

Howdy!

Not a whole lot going on in my world. I had some strange dreams last night. One in particular that a porn star I like was my brother and he was begging me for sex. That was kind of fun but a little scary. It told me that it was time for a release. Sexually frustrated, yeah been that way for many years now. Perhaps when all of this COVID mess is more under control I will be able to find, meet and get a nice guy. Lord knows I deserve it.

Speaking of the COVID mess, I am really frustrated and appalled at the lack of leadership at the Federal level of government. They have this stick your head in the sand approach and hope the problem goes away. That works great when your 2 years old and can live in a fantasy. However, it doesn’t really solve a problem. We need a mandatory mask law; we need to go back into a closed state – meaning back to like we were as a country in late March. It’s not fun and I know no one likes it. I get that it costs people their jobs and they have no money. However, it’s the only proven way to slow the spread. I think that it would be reasonable to live with these restrictions until things calmed down a bit and then do a slow re-re open but don’t move beyond that to a full-blown open state that most states are in now. It’s proven disastrous. However, that’s just my thoughts/opinion it’s doesn’t mean I am right and it doesn’t mean I am wrong. I know for certain right now no one has a magic bullet cure all for this and the Federal Government should have a much more aggressive and rapid response in place other than the stick your head in the sand and live with it approach. People are not only getting seriously ill they are dying and some of this can be averted if the Federal Government would get its head in the game.

I’ve grown very tired of being isolated at home and only getting out on weekends for a couple of brief trips. I know the cats love me to death because I am home. However, this isn’t a forever thing. It’s going to go on probably for the remainder of the year and into part of next year but at some point, in time I will be driving back to the office every day and then driving home. It will be a culture shock to both them and me. Frankly I look forward to it and welcome it. There are some people I am glad I am not seeing but the majority of people I want to see. I do not miss traffic one bit. I would like to drop the extra weight I have put on and even a couple pounds below that.

This is probably the greatest test of patience and sanity that one will ever endure. I know that I can put on some proper clothes and get in my vehicle and head to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat but doing so mask or not, places my health at risk. Depending upon who has been in the restaurant that risk can be high, medium or low. However, it’s not a risk that I want to take. I have to be here for the cats, if they weren’t around and I was truly all alone then I wouldn’t much care and would probably be eating out by now.

In other news, my DVR finally made me give in and erase all of my saved programming. The TV Guide refused to update. I had been through several resets and grew tired of it. If it goes out one more time, I am calling for service, all of the money I pay each month – this thing should work flawlessly with no intervention from me. It has for the most part until recently. It seems much happier now that there is little data on the disk, me thinks the hard drive is in the process of failing and that eventually it is going to totally give up and quit on me, perhaps I am wrong.

I do look like a bum with not cutting my hair and it’s starting to actually get long, it’s not my imagination. I am seriously considering cutting it but part of me kind of wants to keep playing along and letting it grow. I think that I could get to the point where people wouldn’t recognize me with longer hair.

Recently got into watching Happy Days, it’s on everyday in the evening. Life was different back then. Ron Howard sure was good looking in his day. It’s just interesting to see how life has changed since then. I do think those were much simpler times compared to today (minus the COVID).

Watched Horrible Bosses for the second time, I forgot that I had already seen it. I’ve come to really enjoy Fitz & The Tantrums music. Money grabber is a great song but I have been listening to all of their tunes on Spotify.

Well it’s about time to sign off for the day, climb back up to the hotter part of the house and enjoy my evening, even if I do have to take out the trash. I’m either having a Beef Burrito or something frozen, have to check out what’s in the freezer to weigh my options.

I hope it’s a beautiful day in your neighborhood and we will talk again soon! Take care.

Caution … Hot Men Working

I hope that all is going well for you.

There is a rental house across the street from mine. It’s been owned by several people but finally a property management company bought it. They have had a couple tenants and they have all moved out. The place is vacant and has been for a couple months. A landscaping crew showed up last week to do some work on the place and there were a couple of hot guys I saw. I kept thinking it’s so hot out maybe one of them will take off their shirt, but not happening. They got way laid by rain two days in a row. They came back on Thursday and finished up the job. One of the hot guys was even pushing a broom trying to clean the street from the dirt they stirred up, which I thought was a nice gesture but not something that most people would do. It did give me a few extra minutes to drool though. Just when I thought all was done, on Friday afternoon a tree service company pulled up. Buff Fit Dudes were everywhere and they took about 15 minutes and were done. When you have a large force like that it doesn’t take long to accomplish the end goal. I kind of hoped they would come over and do my trees. I didn’t see much of them because they were fast movers but I know all of them were in shape and looked fine from my window. I imagine if I would have gotten any closer, I would have passed out.

Friday was a holiday for us since the 4^th fell on Saturday. Doesn’t really feel like Independence Day since I am still on lock down and that is what is encouraged considering COVID infection numbers are trending upwards across the country. My thanksgiving friends told me they weren’t doing anything. Friday, they went to a buffet of all places and it was closing forever. Yeah considering COVID I understand why that had to be a killer for business. I haven’t gotten up the courage yet to dine out and when I do, I think it will be a very long time before a buffet is in my future, if ever again. We had our conversation over Facebook messenger because I get the impression that he (my thanksgiving friend) wants to keep in touch but doesn’t want to be bogged down by a telephone but yet I can call anytime. Well I kind of fixed that and not only blocked him on Facebook Messenger but I shutdown my Facebook account. For fuck sake pick up the phone and call me. Now we will go back to texting and I can always claim I never got anything because he is an android person and I am an apple person, plus I have read receipts turned off. If I am going to talk with someone, I would much prefer to do it over the phone than using technology like texting or messenger because it takes far longer for me to type out what I can easily say in a just a second. I’m not a 16-year-old girl who can hand jam out a text message longer than a speech in a second.

My newest form of entertainment comes from watching random YouTube videos. I stumbled across something called Hot Ones where celebrity guests like Justin Timberlake, Shawn Mendes, The Jonas Brothers and others sit down with a host and they enjoy some hot wings together. It starts off mild and then goes to insanity. One hot sauce I saw was called The Widow Maker. There are plenty of napkins, milk and water around. It does look like a good time if you like hot food. I’d rather just watch the reaction than try any of those hot sauces. I am very much a mild guy when it comes to spice. It’s a great show and worth time to check out if it sounds of interest to you.

The cats are both doing okay. Gator got me worried because she shuffled off to the couch on Friday and again on Saturday when normally she would be with me in my room. However, she seems to be back to her old normal self today. I picked up some new dry food and they both like it. It’s not really good for Marv since he has a sensitive stomach, he kind of swore off dry food but instead loves to eat his treats. What is normally out to eat is out of stock at Amazon and I am patiently waiting for them to get it back in stock so I can make a purchase. I like to be consistent especially when it comes to the cats. Gator and I took an outstanding nap together a while ago and she let me sleep for about 45 minutes then knew it was time to get me out of bed, she worked her magic and I kept resisting but finally I was like okay I’ll get up. I said the magic word to her Lunch and that got her to follow me to the kitchen. Even Marv perks up at that word. Marv and I have gotten in a few noodle sessions the last couple days and he seems quite happy. Plus, I have been skipping his evening pills for a few days, he seems to be happier about it.

I ventured out yesterday to just put some miles on the vehicle as well as get mail and cat food. I opted to try to get a chicken sandwich from Popeye’s and they still had a small line. I drove back home but took a different way. Then I discovered why there is such a line at all of the food places in the area. There is a medical marijuana dispensary nearby. Holy shit these people are going to have the munchies like crazy all the time and of course they are going to the food places in the area. I might have to venture to a different Popeye’s if I am to ever get my hands on a chicken sandwich. There is some humor there but there is more disappointment than anything.

Last night there were fireworks galore in the area. I was listening to the police scanner and after about 30 minutes I heard so many complaints dispatched I gave up and turned it off. I just prayed like I do every year that nothing hits my house and sets it on fire. As per usual my request was granted and it was an uneventful evening. It did arouse Gator once but I told her it was okay and she went back to sleep. Marv was hiding under the couch not because he was scared but because that is usually where he likes to hang out until he knows I am in bed, then he comes in and sleeps the night with me and his sister. It’s a great little routine.

I’ve got to push along to get my house cleaned and the trash taken out and then it will be time to rest and enjoy the afternoon. I had to do some work to process a promotion and now that is done with it’s back to my life and enjoy what little bit is left of this weekend. I have yet to cut my hair and it’s long overdue. I am on the fence about letting it grow or cutting it. So far letting it grow has been winning. No one is complaining because lots of people aren’t exactly looking their best right now. Our salons are open but if I won’t go out to eat, I certainly won’t let someone cut my hair. Maybe I will get some courage if the infection rates for my area stay low but right now, I just don’t want to take any chances.

Take care and we will talk again soon.