05 March 2017

Sleep Edged

Hi how are you today?  I hope your doing very well.  I had the displeasure today of being sleep edged.  In sexual terms edging is when you work close to an orgasm and back off, then repeat.  The idea is that when you allow release it’s supposed to be more intense.  Typically guys do this tied up and someone else is in control.  It’s hot to watch but also a form of torture.  Now that your familiar with what I’m speaking of, here’s my story.  I went to bed very early this morning it was 1:30 or 2 am.  My body has an automatic alarm clock that gets me up around 8 or 9 on weekends.  Somehow my brain knows when the work week is because I wake up much sooner.  Anyway, I did in fact wake up at 8a and got moving.  I did something to my back it really hurts, so I did everything that I had to do.  Came home and on-call was busy again.  I got everything to the all quiet point.  Went up to watch some TV and then decided it would be prudent to catch some sleep, might even help the old back feel better.  So I laid down and that is like sending out a signal, everything is fine.  I just start to dose off and the phone goes off.  I look at it and it’s nothing.  Back to sleep and once again the phone goes off.  Again nothing that can’t wait so back to sleep.  Then the boss calls and wants me to do something.  At that point I had to get up but I wasn’t happy about it.  So that is what I call being sleep edged.  I got just to the point where I was about to dose off and then wide awake again.  I felt robbed!

Saturday was busy as well with on-call.  I did get out for breakfast and grabbed the mail.  Decided to skip cat food because the little furry beasts have plenty of food.  My friend called, I was expecting it because I was on-call and he usually wants to grab a bite to eat.  This time it was just for a chat and it was later in the evening.  He started off asking me a stupid question about one of my cats.  I responded that I had no idea but I could put the cat on the phone.  That kind of pissed him off.  Hey don’t ask me why my cat does anything, I haven’t a clue and can only guess.  So the conversation went on and he took exception with a couple things I said, it was a misunderstanding but boy he really bit my head off.  That bothered me, more than he knows.  We ended the call on good terms as per usual.  I followed up with an email and apologized if I offended him.  Normally I would have a response by now but nothing, it’s all crickets.  That doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy.  I know he’s dealing with a lot and his emotions are likely all over the place.  I was really dancing on egg shells in composing the email, I didn’t know what to say and what not to say.  Hopefully I didn’t say anything else that caused concern.  If I did I am sure I will hear about it.  I enjoy talking with him but he’s starting to be clingy and he keeps rubbing the fact that he has a female friend in my face.  I get it he’s depressed and he misses his wife.  I don’t know exactly what I can do to help, I know that I can’t take away his pain and this is something he is going to have to process through on his own.  Wednesday would have been his late wife’s 61st birthday, so he is going out to celebrate with her family. I know that will be a difficult day for him and so will each and every holiday, wedding anniversary, etc.  He is keeping track of time like I did in the beginning but eventually somehow that stops.  Right now things are still very fresh and will be for quite sometime. 

I decided yesterday that I would jump back into the dating pool again.  I know it was a very short break.  Today I had a message from a younger guy, I could tell he was horny and he was just looking for sex.  I flushed that out of him pretty quickly and told him were not compatible.  That’s the end of that.  It was nice that he made the first move but it was for all the wrong reasons.  People just look at your face and maybe your age, they don’t seem to want to read your profile, which I understand at first but if your going to reach out to someone, I think you should take time to read their profile before you start composing a message.  I can’t tell you how many times I thought oh, he’s the one.  Then I start reading the profile and crap there is a gotcha there that is a deal breaker, like he loves to drink and smoke, is in an open relationship, travels frequently for work and isn’t from this area.  Since I have been on very few dates, I still see guys that I dated show up on apps, that’s an automatic block them.  I’m sure they won’t reach out but still better safe than sorry.  In comparing notes with my friend it appears that a lot of the same things happen on straight dating sites, which in a way surprises me. 

Saw a great movie on Amazon called Sundown.  If you like guys, suspense and trance/electronica music this is a great movie.  Twists and turns, it keeps you on the edge of your seat.  I also saw a movie called Daddy.  It’s about a guy who was a sperm donor and is gay.  He has no idea that he has actually fathered 1 child.  Turns out that child is an intern in his office and is also gay.  They wind up sleeping together and it’s not until his child/boyfriend gets hurt that the mystery unravels.  I never saw that coming I thought the child/boyfriend just liked older men and was looking for the Daddy type.  They did make a cute couple but once the truth came out it changed everything.  Also a good movie.  I need to catch up on regular TV watching. 

We have a risk of severe weather in the area.  The same thing happened last week and a tornado touched down in one of the towns where my former employer had a nursing home.  I hadn’t talked to those people in years.  When I heard about the twister, I just had to call and make sure everyone was okay.  The lady I spoke with was thrilled to hear from me and wondered what happened to me.  We commiserated together and both agreed that the owners were shitty people which made for a shitty environment to work in.  Oddly enough the lady I spoke with is a Lesbian and her partner used to work there.  Neither of them had any idea I was gay until I told them about the death of my partner  Small world! 

Ah so I just need to make it through the rest of tonight and early morning, then I will be set and will no longer be on call. I can’t wait.  This has been the most bat shit crazy week and it all started on Thursday and has been going strong ever since.  I am so looking forward to having a break and 2 weeks to myself.  I love my job but I don’t want to live my job 24/7, when I do it makes my personal life uncomfortable and causes me to be out of sorts.  Ah well at least when my pay check arrives that will be the reward!  So it’s a small sacrifice, but I’ll make it.

Got my Mont Blanc ballpoint refills this week along with Mr. Bear’s next box of pee pads.  I swapped out the refills and I’ve been using the ballpoint a lot.  Doesn’t take much to be my favorite pen of the moment.  I even took it to work with me on Friday.  While I really like a lot of different pens Mont Blanc won my heart over years ago.  There is just something so special about them and I guess the fact they cost more than the average person would spend on disposable pens in a lifetime.  What can I say I have expensive taste.  It feels good to own a few nice things.

Well time to move on.  I have other things to take care of and want to get in some time with the kids before it’s time to throw in the towel for the night.  I am taking an extra heavy dose of sleeping pills to ensure that I can recharge and start fresh tomorrow.  Right now I am pretty stressed out and could use a vacation along with a tropical drink or two.  Sail away ….

Take care and stop back by again soon. 

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