23 April 2014

Struck by a bus

I soon found out that my allergies were not to blame for me feeling miserable.  I am sick.  First time since my partner has passed.  I was brutally reminded that there is no one to take care of me and that I am all alone.  That was super depressing and I was pondering once again ending it all.  I miss him so much and while my life is a bit of a shambles now, it would be a lot easier with him here. 

My troubles if you care to know.  I woke up early on Tuesday morning (more like middle of the night).  I soon realized I couldn’t go back to sleep.  So I started watching TV and was up for hours.  I got back to sleep to get a cat nap and then I was up for the rest of the day.  I called the Dr.’;s office to ask for a prescription to hopefully minimize my time off.  They told me they would comply and wound up calling me back later in the day saying I needed to come in and they couldn’t see me until Wednesday.  I was not happy.

I threw on some clothes and headed to the Doc in the Box.  I was diagnosed with a Sinus Infection, Ear Infection and Bronchitis.  I was given a pee wee antibiotic that didn’t appear it was going to work.  I took it and called it a day.

This morning I woke up and it felt something like I was struck by a bus.  I was miserable.  So I hoisted my self out of bed and began the morning ritual and I knew I wasn’t going to work.  I stayed up and passed the time by watching the morning news.  Told my boss that I wouldn’t be in.  Once again he was cold and distant – no response.  Normally I get some form of acknowledgement but I realize he no longer cares about me and can’t wait to get rid of me.  Believe me when I say the feeling is more than mutual. 

I went to the doctors office.  The nurse said what brings you here.  I said my car.  I mean that is the damn dumbest question.  Ask me why I need to see the doctor or what’s wrong or what’s going on, not what brings me here.  Anyway I was soon on my way with a heavier antibiotic as well as steroids.  Headed to the pharmacy. 

I picked up those prescriptions, plus 2 cans of chicken soup and a large bottle of Gatorade Fruit Punch.  I figured it can’t hurt. 

I came home had a phone interview, ate my chicken soup.  Watched a little TV and then passed out for an hour.  I mean no interruptions, no cats, no nothing I was just out.  I woke up feeling a little better. 

Then I came downstairs and started to pay bills.  I realized there isn’t enough money in the bank to pay the cable bill.  Those fuckers raised my rates so I had to put this months bill on a credit card.  I got everything else paid so were good for now.  Until the next pay check when I get to do it all over again and then I will be taking from savings to pay for the damn water heater. 

Oh I forgot I stopped by the post office and saw an EOB for my partner.  I said that is kind of odd.  I opened it and it’s for my blood work that was done at my last dr. visit.  They want $1,000.00 and got paid nothing because the doctor didn’t tell the lab that my insurance had changed.  I know they will be sending me a bill and I am already, ready to tell them sorry insurance changed.  Hopefully that will reduce and delay the expense. 

Sorry to jump all over the place.  I did a phone interview yesterday with an IT Outsourcing Firm that is coming to my area.

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So at the end of the day I am still depressed and wondering how things are going to work out.  I wonder which job if any will come through and if I will have to go through any unemployment or if I will be able to tell them what I have always wanted to say … take this job and shove it.  I am so tired of negative and ready for some positive.  Like the song goes …, Turn the Beat Around.  I feel like a trapped passenger on a slowly sinking ship. 

That’s the quick and dirty for today.  I am out of vacation time by my records.  I realize they probably won’t charge me for the water heater day but I am counting it.  I say we are even.  Now if I need more time off I will take it and that’s that.  My plan is to return tomorrow, hopefully my body will comply and we can get this train wreck of a week over with so that I can relax if only for a couple days. 

Here is hoping my numbers are drawn tonight in the lottery.  I need a major good break in a very bad way!  Talk with you peeps later.

21 April 2014

Ready 2 Go

The pressure is building in my sinuses, my teeth hurt.  Still unsure if this is allergies or if I am getting sick.  I took a Benadryl at lunch which has helped a little.  Hopefully the drowsiness stays away for a while. 

My phone is blowing up today.  I got a call from some company I could barley understand the guy and honestly my mind was on my nose and how bad I felt.  Anyway, I’ve got a phone interview with him tomorrow.  Then a bank a couple blocks away called and wanted me to come over on Wed. for an interview.  They said how about 11 and I said how about 5:15.  That turned them off.  The guy said he would get back to me but I honestly don’t think he will call me back.

So I am getting phone calls.  That is great news.  The one phone call I want to get hasn’t come in yet.  That is the one saying your hired, when can you start?  I am on pins and needles waiting but it’s not going to happen when I want it to. 

Can’t wait to get home, I am gong on the roids.  They will help out and if I still feel crappy by the weekend well then I can work on getting to a doctor.  Right now I just need to feel better so that I an come to work everyday and stay well in case a new job calls. 

I was worried about a pre-employment drug test and roids but they won’t show because they are corticosteroids and in drug tests for employment, they look at illegal substances like pot, cocaine, meth, etc.  The only thing they will find in my system is sleeping medicine and it’s dispensed via a prescription.  So no worries. 

Just sitting here counting the minutes.  No new interesting jobs today.  I am checking all the time and am not shy about applying.  I just don’t get the people I work with, thinking oh well something will work out.  One day they are all going to wake up and freak because things didn’t work out and they have no job.  Not that I am worried about ANY of them, because I am NOT.  I can’t wait to cut the strings and be free.

Well back to suffering and counting.  Joy!

Long Boring Day

It’s Monday again!  That means it’s time for another long boring day at work.  I am not sure if my allergies have gone wonky on me or if I am getting sick.  Woke up not feeling the greatest.  Apparently I’ve been drinking sinus soup all night long.  My nose is running on occasion, I’ve sneezed a bit and even a cough or two.  I’ve got extra allergy medicine in me to make it through the day or so I hope.  I’ve been hitting the water hard in the hopes that I can flush this out.  If things aren’t better by tonight I will supplement with a Benadryl, which will kick my ass and knock me out. 

The bigger debate is supper – soup or chicken pot pie.  I was set for soup but the pot pie sounds good as well. 

Last night I had a pint of Chocolate with Peanut Butter ice cream by Hagen Daz.  I think that might be the culprit.  If it’s not that then some Potatoe Salad that I had with lunch yesterday.  After that is when I noticed that my nose picked up the pace.  I took a Claritin and shortly after a nap.  Felt fine and then came this morning. 

I hope that it’s only allergies.  I got an e-mail from my doc yesterday he said that my cholesterol was up and that I need to watch my diet.  Also that my liver function showed abnormality, so we need to follow up again in 3 months.  I told him that I didn’t fast before the test and he said next time to fast.  My blood sugar is elevated as well, so I guess I should limit my sweet tooth. 

However, with losing my partner and soon my job the only thing I can think of doing is eating.  I enjoy it and it’s semi-good for me.  We all have our vices and mine are food and sex.  I can always get food!

I just got a sales call at work… so you are the decision maker for your organization from an IT standpoint.  I said yes until the first of the month.  Oh are you retiring.  I said no we are going out of business.  Holy shit that cut the call very short.  That is like the only benefit or upside to this going out of business thing. 

It’s the first of the week and I am waiting, hoping and praying for good news from my interview last week.  Right now it’s not a terrible worry but the longer it goes on the more I will think my chances have diminished.  I know I made a connection during the interview but how many other people has he talked to?  He probably makes that connection all the time.

People here are working their fingers to the bone and I am just sitting back and giving the illusion that I am working.  I think it’s kind of funny in a way.  Now there is real work to do and I have a list of it but I am just taking my good old sweet time in getting to those things.  None of which needs to be done right now.  I’ve got plenty of time. 

The jobs start posting to the web by mid-day and so I will have some searching to do but thus far I haven’t found anything new.  I did apply for 3 on Saturday night.  The more I apply the greater my odds of getting a job before the hammer falls here. 

We have one holiday left which is Memorial Day.  I’ve got a couple weeks left before I have to burn what is left of my vacation which will be a whopping 2 or 3 days, depending upon their record keeping.  I will be scheduling something probably next week, that is provided I don’t have to call in sick. 

Easter was just another day for me.  I spent the entire day at home with the children.  They liked it because they got lots of attention and food.  I liked it because it was a relaxed pace for a day, no hurry here or hurry there.  Doing all of the running on Saturday might be my new thing. 

I got Shy Girls claws trimmed.  She got away from me two times.  Finally I figured out put some weight on her back and she won’t go anywhere.  She was a spitting mess and she went to the bathroom on me, the floor and anything else that came in her path.  I ran out of paper towels on me so I had to use my handkerchief and rather than wash it I just threw it away.  Her claws were starting to curl under.  I got most of them pretty good but there are a couple where I just took off the tip and nothing more because she was being a bitch.  It’s all good now that it’s over with but she was not a happy camper.  Perhaps next time I will catch her under different circumstances.  Ever since my guy has been gone, she really puts up the fight like I am going to kill her.  Now the thought has crossed my mind but I won’t do her any harm.  She is my little Tasmanian devil of a cat. 

The house got hot over the weekend and I had to turn on the AC.  Also the floor is still wet in the basement.  I put a space heater on it and that helped a little bit.  I wonder if the carpet will ever dry.  If you have any tips, let me hear them.  I’ve gone over the thing twice with the carpet shampooer to get as much water up as possible.  Now it’s just damp and refuses to dry. 

I am ready to go back to bed or go for a ride, anything is better than sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to pass the time.  I suppose this is a small taste of what prison is like, except from what I hear they don’t let you sit around and pass the time on your own, you have to work or get involved with some group activity.  If I was at home I would have the same dilemma but at least I could take a nap.

Happy Easter Monday!  Talk with you peeps again soon.

20 April 2014



Unless you have been living under a rock, you have no doubt heart about the Security Flaw ‘Heartbleed’.  There are plenty of articles on-line that you can Google to explain it better. 

The best thing to do is change your passwords.  However, prior to changing your passwords, you should run each website that your logging on through a heartbleed checker.  If the company hasn’t taken the proper measures, your password could still get compromised. 

You can find a website to check sites against and get a free password manager from the fine folks at Last Pass .  Last Pass will help you generate secure passwords and automatically fill them in for you, so you don’t have to remember a million passwords.  You only have to remember one and that is to login to your Last Pass account. 

Another step you can take ….

If you subscribe to Yahoo Mail or GMAIL they both offer something called 2 Factor Authentication.  This means that you have to have a password plus a random code that is generated each time you login.  The code is sent to your smart phone via a text or a phone call.  You may also see some other sites offering this, if it’s offered, turn it on and use it.  This is your best defense to keep all of your information secure. 

I just spent a couple hours and changed all of my passwords.  It’s not a fun task but it’s something that we all need to do on a periodic basis.  I think we should have a National Change Your Password day – not that it will get anyone a day off but just to remind you to do something that really needs to be done. 

Happy Easter!

18 April 2014

Massage it all away

With all of the stress and pressure in my life, I sure could go for a nice massage now.  My neck and shoulders hold all of my tension and considering the fact that I am at work, I can feel the tension.  It would be nice to lay down on a table, listen to some music and have someone (guy or gal) rub away all of the pain, tension and worry.  I can arrange for that to happen but it takes this little thing called money.  Of which I don’t want to spend right now, unless I have to.  This is a need and a want but it’s something that I know I can live without, at least for a while longer. 

Thursday night went by pretty fast.  I got my mail and the box was full to the brim.  That happens on a very rare occasion now.  When there was 2 of us it was a more common thing.  Anyway, it was filled with drugs.  I owe the mail order pharmacy a nice chunk of change.  In addition to that I found out that I have a $25 co-pay for my doctors office visit.  I thought they were covered in full but hey I will take it.  It beats paying for the whole office visit, which is what I used to have to do. 

I am still walking the fence and a bundle of nerves when it comes to the job I interviewed for.  It’s just one of those things that I will think about until I know how it turned out.  If for any reason it fails to come through, I hope my next interview is around the corner.  I haven’t heard from anyone else.  I do feel like reaching out to the first place that rejected me and asking them what I did wrong in my interview or what I could have done better.  I mean it’s been 2 weeks, you should know by now if your hiring the person you selected and I suspect they are.  However, I won’t push it because I really don’t value the feedback from the person who did the interview.  He was wet behind the ears and clearly very new to the process. 

The children didn’t want me to leave this morning, which is nothing new.  I go through that most every morning.  Daddy come rub my belly.  Daddy please don’t leave.  Yeah, if I want to pay the bills I have to walk out the door.  I assure them it’s my intention to come back.

Today being Good Friday, there isn’t many people on the road this morning.  The garage was close to empty.  I hope to be able to leave early.  It kind of depends upon my boss and if he is on-line or not.  I know that he is usually done somewhere between 4 and 4:30 so that is early enough for me.  If I can get away with leaving earlier so be it. 

Next week will be the last full week that we have all of our buildings.  Then the following week on Thursday is when they transfer to the new owner.  After that only 3 will be left and we have a couple months with them.  I hope they don’t do any cutting of staff until closer to the end, especially when it comes to me.  I think they need me to provide answers to the new owners if they have any, to do the IT thing that I do until as close to the end as possible.  Then again I could be wrong. 

My plans for the weekend are to box up and return a cordless phone set that I bought.  One of the handsets mic doesn’t work.  I am debating if I want to replace it or just let it go back and do without.  I’d save myself $100 but then again I might just replace it.  I will of course have to do the grocery shopping and cat food stuff.  I need a hair or two cut and would like to get some serious sleep on.  Outside of that not much going on. 

It would be a good weekend to travel to the buffet but it’s probably better from a cost perspective that I stay home.  Besides that there is something about not having to go out that is appealing to me. 

What I am so looking forward to is supper tonight.  A can of Steak and Shake Chili on top of a couple hot dogs, some cheese and a soda.  Now that will be a nice meal.  Might not be healthy but it will be a nice meal.  Then plenty of time to relax and watch TV.  if I feel like it I still have a quart of Cherries Garcia not sure if I will polish that off.  I am ready to start by leaving now and just waiting until later. 

Oh good news they just announced we can leave at 3 pm today because it’s Good Friday.  That is awesome.  Maybe I will try to get my haircut today instead of having to wake up early tomorrow.  If they are not busy that will be awesome. 

Scrolling through a professional social network, I saw a guy I used to work with.  He was a runner and had a very tight body not to mention his bum, oh it was like a slice of heaven.  We didn’t exactly get along and I know he doesn’t care for me.  Still it was interesting to see his photo and what he has been up to. 

Well I will go deal with my boring day, by doing what I did yesterday surf.  That is unless the phone rings and I actually have to work.  God forbid! 

I hope everyone has a nice weekend!  Take care, be well and God Save The Queen!  By Queen I mean me. 

17 April 2014

Some Good News

I logged on to my credit card companies website and they offered me an increase in my credit line.  That was unexpected and nice.  Now I can get further into debt.  No worries I will be very careful.  Nice to know that if some calamity happens I will have a way to pay for it.

In surfing today I see where it’s time to advertise that my state has a bunch of unclaimed property.  I always search but nothing ever hits.  Well today is my lucky day I am owed 2 refunds from Symantec.  Not exactly sure how much they are but I have the necessary paperwork to claim them.  It will take like 12 weeks before they get around to sending me my money.

Being bored, I ran everyone’s name that I knew that lived in the same state.  I found a couple friends some money they are owed as well.  One of them was a friend of the family.  He probably had no clue that I was gay but I wrote him an e-mail and told him that my partner died.  I figure he can put 2 and 2 together.  While some hetero’s refer to their mate as a partner it’s much more common in the gay community.  I told him all about losing my job, my mom having a stroke and how life generally sucks for me right now.  Then I told him about the money I found for him.  Haven’t heard from him and not sure that I will.  The gay might scare him away, but it’s okay by me.  If you don’t want to talk to me because I am gay well then, it’s your loss.

I’ve seen the job I interviewed for last night posted on a couple more sites.  It’s probably more of an automatic kind of thing.  I’ve been going back and forth in my mind as to weather or not they will call me to extend an offer.  Part of me says no because of what I don’t know.  Part of me says yes, because they wouldn’t have to pay as much as if I already had the knowledge.  It’s truly a guess on my part and I will just have to wait and see how it plays out.  The suspense will kill me but I am really praying.  It’s a unique opportunity and would be a great move, or so I think.  Plus I would be working in my state so no more filing 2 state tax returns after this year.  That would be a blessing in disguise.  Because I get killed every year on taxes.

I found some writings from my partner and started to read them.  It was like he was standing next to me.  I started to tear up and felt like I wanted to cry.  People here wouldn’t understand if I were to burst out into tears.  So I just held it in and wiped away the tears.  The writings I saw reminded me once again that he loved me and that he couldn’t make it without me and he truly appreciated me going the extra mile for him.  Then he talked about not checking out anytime soon.  That kind of got to me because well he’s been checked out for over a year.  I wish he would come back.  Since that can’t happen I only hope that when the time is right I find someone who is as loving and appreciative as he was. 

If I were to put in a whole days work we have an hour a 15 minutes.  I am not putting in a whole days work.  I am leaving early.  I’ve got 2 days worth of mail to pickup and sort through.  Not to mention feeding the children and having some me time.  Last night things were so rushed and I was so short on time.  The kids got their meals and I managed to pacify them, even though a couple of them count on time with me.  That didn’t and couldn’t happen.  I was wiped out!

That’s all I know at the moment, besides the fact that I didn’t have a single number in the lottery and that passing the day by surfing the web all day long to give the appearance that you are working, makes for a very long day.  Plus it’s not something that I want to come back to.  I have maybe an hours worth of work to do and after that I am done, with totally nothing to do.  So I just keep putting it off. 

The best things about if I get this job is I will be surrounded by primarily men and there won’t be any food day’s or pot lucks.  That will be such a welcome change for me.  Were having a food day tomorrow even though most of the office took off because it’s Good Friday. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Good Interview

As you can no doubt tell from the title the interview went really good.  I was grilled a lot and I knew most things but not everything.  I even asked if not knowing the answers to everything was a deal breaker and I was told no.  Benefits t-totally suck.  No retirement/savings plan of any kind.  No direct deposit (it’s a technology company, come on) and 1 week of vacation.  They offer health insurance but I don’t need that.  I tried to negotiate an extra week of vacation but that didn’t work.

Since I don’t know everything, the amount of money that I asked for and the amount of money they are willing to give me will vary.  I wasn’t given specifics but told that they just couldn’t pay me what I was asking for.  However, we can negotiate so that is not bad. 

They do supply a company vehicle so that is a plus.  I can drive it to and from work if I get the job.  So no racking up miles on my car, which is an added plus. 

While it’s not my dream job and certainly will lack in pay and benefits it beats being unemployed.  I feel there is a huge opportunity to broaden my skills and learn a bunch of different things, which in the end will make me more valuable. 

I pray they extend an offer to me and that the money won’t be that big of a deal.  Only time will tell.  I am pretty excited.  I did manage to negotiate in a MIFI device or an Air Card, and explained that it would be helpful if I was on the road and had to pull over to help someone.

Hours for this job are not set.  You start in the morning and finish up at 5, 6 or 7:30 at night.  There is no on-call and no weekend work.  Oh vacation you can’t turn off your cell phone but there is a slim chance you could get bothered.  At least when I take a day off it’s mine for the exception of maybe talking with a co-worker once and a while.  Just have to make sure that I keep my cell phone number private, which won’t be an easy task. 

I think this job has me written all over it.  I just hope they see that and we can give it a go.  Pay is every week on Friday and they give you a check.  I haven’t been paid every week for a very long time!  That will take some getting used to plus I will have to make changes to where I bank.

Well I have a little bit of work to do here at the “farm” and then it will be back on the job hunt.  I am hitting this extra hard to hopefully minimize if not kill any potential for down time. 

No matter when I get an offer from someone, as long as it’s affordable for me I plan on taking a week off and going off the grid just because I need it.  I have no idea what it will feel like not being pestered and having to check e-mail or thinking the worst when my phone goes off. 

I will keep you posted.   I will talk with you peeps later.