27 March 2015

Winter – Spring – Winter

I woke up to hear the Weatherman say it’s snowing outside.  Funny thing it was Spring yesterday but it appears Winter is back at least for a day.  Then we will jump back to Spring.  Crazy weather patterns like this affect the plants as well as people.  Hopefully things will smooth out.  Meanwhile I dug out a long sleeve shirt and donned my leather jacket and hat.  I thought for sure I was done with them.

I did some serious sleeping last night.  I went to bed early my body was very tired, I got quite the workout yesterday playing with freight.  I am not done and need to do more with it today but I’m not so sure that is going to work out.  We have 2 guys traveling and a mandate to be on the phones.  I have other things to do like get a persons machine configured and installed – this is for a new hire that starts on Monday.  She won’t actually be here until Wednesday but still we like to have their equipment ready on their start date just in case.

Like a little girl addicted to FB I am checking the government bankruptcy website on a daily basis.  Still no update.  Until that figure changes to show that I have paid in over the required amount I can’t really do anything but pray for it to change.  Hopefully it will happen with in the next few days but being that it’s government controlled they are not in any hurry.  I also don’t want to stop automatic payments until we reach that point as well, just to be absolutely safe.  The letter just needs a couple modifications and it’s ready to be printed, signed and mailed. 

Next Friday the last rendition of the Fast & Furious movies will be out.  I plan on seeing the movie while it’s in theaters, not sure that I will make it on opening weekend because the fans will be crazy.  This is the last movie that the incredibly hot and talented Paul Walker stars in.  So sad that he is no longer with us.  It will be very interesting to see him on screen and see how the movies plays out.  I believe this is the end of the F&F series.  It was a great run.

Next Saturday will be the 2 year mark since my partner passed.  As we get closer to this date the more depressed I get.  Today I feel like I just want to go back home and hide from everyone.  I know it’s not healthy but I just want to have some downtime besides the weekend.  Perhaps I will feel better after the weekend but I don’t think so.  I am eager to get to my therapy appointment tomorrow, I need it bad just like I need a massage.

The former co-worker and FB friend that I reached out to for advice on dating well he is apparently avoiding me.  I sent a message to check in on Wednesday and haven’t heard from him at all.  Meanwhile he continues to post on FB.  Gee is you don’t want to help someone who is asking for advice it would be far better to say so upfront.  I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for a couple more days and then if I don’t hear back from him I will most likely unfriend him, because he has proven unworthy of the friend status.  The funny thing is when I depend on other people I am frequently disappointed and it only reaffirms my belief that I can only depend upon myself to get things done.  I realize that the message I sent him was kind of cryptic and what I said was I needed to talk with him and wanted some advice.  I promised that I wasn’t selling anything including religion and that I would only take 5 minutes of his time.  If someone would have sent me that message I think it would have made me curious enough that I would have reached out, provided of course I knew them.  If it was from a stranger that would change things.  All I want to know is if he has some tips on how to get into the dating scene outside of the apps and going to a bar.  I think I am doing everything right and that patience is what will pay off in the end.  However, I am not a patient person by nature, despite what others think.  I know in my professional life I exude patients but inside I am screaming like Lewis Black, you can just imagine what that sounds like.  I don’t anticipate that even if I speak with him he will be able to tell me anything new.  He however, might know of someone who is also looking and while I am not a fan of the matchmaker, it might help me in my quest. 

Last night I gave into my temptation and stopped by KFC.  I was once again reminded how expensive chicken can actually be.  I got a 6 piece meal and was charged for 8 because apparently with 2 sides it’s cheaper, but that doesn’t seem logical to me.  It was so good.  I figured it would attract the children but it did not.  Marvin came over and started meowing at the back door, I looked at him and he looked at me … I said oh you want the door open.  He meowed I didn’t know that the answer was no.  I opened it and he ran away scared.  I know  it was a little chilly out but never anticipated that reaction from him.  The KFC meal reminded me of when we used to get it and enjoy a meal together.  He would always order plenty of chicken and it got to be where he had to have his own side order of large mashed potatoes.  I remembered the time when he thought he would surprise me and got me a side of mac n cheese.  The Col. only knows how to do chicken not mac n cheese, it’s horrible.  I do love the coleslaw.  That and the chicken are my 2 favorite things on the menu.  Speaking of which their menu isn’t exactly that clear and easy to make a choice from.  I like Popeye’s menu much better, but they don’t have any restaurants close by me, I have to travel a bit.  So I plan on having left over chicken tonight.  I need to get to the pet food store as well tonight but that will depend a lot on how the day goes and how I feel once I get close to home.  More than likely I will just want to drive home.

Much like other offices we are allowed to wear jeans on Friday.  The deal is you have to pay $5 to whatever charity they are collecting for.  I’d like to submit the 6 cat fund but have a feeling I wouldn’t get many takers.  Anyway lots of people wear jeans and never pay.  Nothing is ever said to them.  I don’t like being charged to wear my own clothes to work, so I just come in my normal professional attire.  The guy who’s phone number I got earlier this week he is all casual today and looks very hot.  It’s not fair to tempt others it’s like seeing food, drugs or some other addictive substance but knowing that you can’t touch it.  My addiction is men, I love to stare at them and think not so clean thoughts.  Sex and Sexual attraction is something that I don’t think we can ever get rid of until the day we die.  Speaking of which a website that I subscribe to has this March Madness thing going on and I pay to subscribe to the site.  Well to chose the nominees you have to pay extra for scenes and then you get the privilege of voting for your favorite guy.  Whoop.  I think they should be giving me the content included with my monthly subscription.  There is one or two scenes that I am very eager to see.  However it’s the principal as to why I won’t pay for them.  I’ve reached out to support but heard nothing yet and suspect they don’t care.  It’s truly a business where if you don’t like it or want to complain your pretty much out of luck.  If you leave there will be someone else who will subscribe.  I could run a site like this but the customer service would have to be impeccable and beyond anyone's wildest dreams.  I am very customer focused, they are the ones who pay the bills and can make or break you and/or your business.  So it makes sense to treat them with respect and answer every question no matter how dumb you think it might be.

Yesterday I had a situation come up where someone got a new iPad and needed to have it activated with company e-mail.  I had told them that it would be wiped.  When it was they acted all surprised and bitched at me because they lost an app which I came to find out was a game that they paid several hundred dollars for.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Are you on crack?  Did you gargle with bong water?  Who the fuck pays $100 or more for a fucking game to play on their phone?  A crazy rich person that is who.  This person is rich but apparently throws their money away like it’s tissue paper.  I’d love to be the trash can for their money, I wouldn’t need to work again ever.  In any case since they were bitching I went to my boss and found out that the person who wiped it, did so in error.  It shouldn’t have been wiped.  That person is my neighbor and he got in trouble for it.  That is not what I was looking to accomplish.  I brought this to my bosses attention because I wanted to cover myself and in turn wound up getting someone else in trouble.  I don’t believe I made an enemy but I feel bad about it.  I also feel compelled to respond to the person who was the ‘victim’ here but I have decided to just let it be.  I told that person how to recover the app but they insist that they are unable to do this.  Apple backs up your purchases for this reason.  I mean how in the world did they plan on transferring it to the new device?  You have to login to your account and re-download it.  I’ve changed devices before (phones) and that is the experience I have had.  So they want to make me feel guilty but it’s not going to work.  I told them I didn’t push the button, which is the truth.  Had I been the one who pushed the button then I may feel differently. 

Work has brought in an outside firm to speak with us about our jobs and the way we perform them.  They assured us that this is to better streamline things and make us more efficient.  Then in the next breath they said they were not looking to eliminate anyone's job.  Me thinks thou do protest too much.  That conveys the fact they are looking to eliminate jobs.  That goes hand in hand with what I said when they asked us to start submitting reports of our daily activities.  I don’t see any writing on the wall for myself or smell any sense of they are going to get rid of me.  I think this is a witch hunt that has to be made like they are doing it for a different reason and we will probably see a couple people gone by the end of the year.  I still have my eye on the job market and have passed up applying for jobs that were appealing to me.  I am very lucky to have the job I do and being paid what I am being paid.  Like any job there are parts of it that I don’t like and would do differently or not at all.  There are people that I dislike dealing with.  However, at the end of the day I am happy – even though right now I feel rather numb.  I don’t see any reason to jump ship at this point. 

I could blabber on but think it’s best to stick a fork in this post and call it done.  I hope that you all have a very enjoyable and productive weekend.  I will talk with you peeps again soon. 

26 March 2015

Just a trim

Last night when I had gotten to the house, I saw that Lawn Boy was out to do his bush trimming.  Holy crap the place looks so much better.  He was overly aggressive in some areas and in others not nearly as aggressive as I hoped for.  I walked around the house and it is a big improvement from what it was, so color me happy.  I scheduled the bill payment last night and he will have his money soon enough.  Next contact will be starting up lawn service and I plan on sticking with the plan that we have had for years, every other week until fall when it finally dies.  I am not looking forward to paying him or for that matter grass cutting season in general.  It bothers my nose as well as my wallet. 

The children were not phased in the least by the work that was done.  We spent a nice evening together that passed by all too quickly.  It’s like time is running so fast it’s a river that is out of control.  It slows down for a couple hours on Saturday but after that it’s just back to the same old pace.  All 3 of my regular shows were on.  I also used the skills of my DVR to rewind and pause just as Axl (Charlie McDermott) was getting up from his bed.  I got a nice outline of his butt, so sweet.  Then I let the show play on.  Modern Technology what would I do without it?  Might as well look, there is no one to stop me. 

I am still waiting for the government to update the website to show the most recent payment for my late partners Bankruptcy case.  I am all too eager to put a date on the letter I have prepared and sign it.  I want to be done with this and away from all of the vulchers that are out for what they think is his money, when it’s actually my money.  I have checked again today and no change.  I am guessing it won’t happen until Friday.  That is perfectly okay just so long as it happens soon.  I’ve never paid close attention to the site, I just log in from time to time to check to see what they show as received and paid to creditors.  I am sure his attorney is all too ready to be free of me and his case.  So it’s a win-win for both of us.  Plus the creditors have gotten the bulk of their money so even they get a win out of it.  If the hardship discharge fails it would take roughly 6 thousand more dollars to pay the plan to completion, which I don’t think I am willing to do, all the more reason for seeking the discharge.

I got a note that there is a package waiting for me at the post office, no doubt it’s pee pads.  I found out late yesterday that there is a pallet of computer stuff coming for me at work.  That of course means I will have some serious busy time with inventory and then swapping out stuff.  Most of this is monitors so the change shouldn’t be horribly difficult.  Getting permission from the end user well that is always a bit of a challenge.  I am late for lunch so I am going to go eat before I drop from low blood sugar.  Not much else going on in my world – just the daily struggle.  Talk with you peeps again soon. 

25 March 2015

Looking for a goodbye

I just read on Facebook that Jonathan Groff announced that Looking has been cancelled by HBO.  They promise to make a movie to wrap things up so we (those of us that watch the show) aren’t left hanging.  I am not at all happy about this.  I love me some Jonathan Groff and the show in my opinion was perfect.  It took a bit to get into but of course once I did they pulled the plug.  Ah well, hopefully he will get another gig soon.

I happily discovered last night that I am done with Bankruptcy.  I figured out that with the payment they took a couple days ago that it puts me about $100 over the target number that I needed to reach.  I am waiting for the government to update a website that reflect the actual amount paid in, then I can get a letter sent to the attorney and hope that the hardship discharge is approved.  Meanwhile after I send the letter I will be stopping payment on the automatic debting service.  I see no reason to make any further payments until the court decides how we should proceed.  If things move slow then in 2 months I will get a letter informing me that there hasn’t been a payment made and that I will need to make a payment in order to keep the case active, otherwise they will seek to dismiss the case.  I’ve come so far that I don’t want to get the case dismissed because that gives his creditors the right to come back after the house, despite the fact that the house is in my name.  They have a ‘look back perioid’ which I think is pure BS but there isn’t anything that I can about it.  I was very happy last night because I figured that I had one more month to go.  So things are looking up .. first the house is in my name and the payment is lower, now the bankruptcy is hopefully toast.  I have pretty well resolved every outstanding matter.  Now I have to wait for a piece of paper saying the debt has been forever discharged by the court then I am free.  The only thing left is to close his/our bank account which I have drug my feet on purpose to do.  Right now I use that account to pay the mortgage, I have enough money deposited in so that I don’t have to fuss with saving money – I know that it’s already done.  So when it’s mortgage payment time I just point and click and it’s done. 

Moving on and having these hurdles out of the way helps.  However, it’s also a reminder that he is gone.  The pain of the loss and the pain of moving on are still there.  It’s getting better with time but what isn’t getting better is the loneliness.  Grindr and the other dating apps haven’t exactly helped me.  However, I find them addictive to the point where I feel the need to constantly check to see if a guy is interested or has sent me a real message.  I know that I had to push really hard but when I first jumped in head first I was able to get a date.  So I know that is possible.  The problem is finding someone who is genuinely interested and wants to get to know me vs just having sex.  The longer this goes on the more desperate I get and desperate people do in fact do desperate things.  Things that they normally wouldn’t do.  Thus far I have fought off and resisted all temptation but that is becoming more difficult to do as the days go on.  I mean we all need, want and desire human companionship and affection.  It’s a basic human desire/need.  It doesn’t matter if your short, tall the color of your skin or which team you play for.  At the end of the day you need to know someone loves and cares for you, plus you need a hug or an embrace once and a while.  Sex is also a very good things as well, I suppose with age you might eventually get past the sex part but the rest of it is a requirement and need that will not pass.

In other news Marvin has decided to mimic his mother and we play soccer now.  I kick a ball to him with my feet and tell him to kick it back and he does.  I had him trained at one point to play fetch but since I didn’t stick with it, that has faded away.  I will gladly take the soccer activity. It is kind of fun and I enjoy seeing his face.  He is very lazy if the ball doesn’t come right to him he meows or stares at it as if to say well kick it over to me.  Funny guy.  Life is normal in the cat house. 

We have another team meeting today and I just found out they hired a consultant to interview us they claim it’s to help improve a workflow process but who knows if that is the truth.  I just hope there isn’t more changes or drama that come from our meetings.  I think they are highly unproductive and it’s just a way to pass time and get paid for working through lunch.  I am not opposed to the overtime but I would much rather eat in peace and not have to worry about being on the phone. 

It’s been another busy day here in paradise.  I have to go pick up some equipment from someone’s office that left yesterday.  Next week we have someone new starting in a different position.  It’s all about keeping it moving regardless if it’s a new hire or someone leaving.  While I will be slightly busier than I want to be this weekend I am ready for it.  I’ve got a therapy appointment on Saturday and I am eager to get there and talk.  Perhaps I will find some answers or a coping mechanism. 

Here’s hoping that the sun is shining in your neck of the woods and that life is treating you well.  2 more days left in this week and they can’t go by fast enough for me.  I hope there are some laughs in all of our futures.  Talk with you peeps later.

24 March 2015


Yesterday when I arrived home I anticipated finding that all of the bushes were trimmed and the outside of the house was looking better than it has.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  So I called up Lawn Boy and told him that I was confused.  He left me a message saying he would be by on Sunday or Monday but he hasn’t shown up.  Oh he was waiting for me to call.  Funny his message didn’t imply that I needed to call unless I had questions, which is why I didn’t call.  In any case he promised to get to the job this week.  He told me that there is a lot of dead stuff around and asked me if I wanted to replace anything.  I told him nope.  The place already looks like a forest, the prior owners had over planted before we moved in, to make the place a little more appealing.  I am all for thinning it out and keeping it simple, which will make things easier on me, him and my wallet.  I could care less what the neighbors think or say.

My refund check from the Title Company arrived yesterday and I was very happy to deposit it.  Now we are done, I got everything I was promised for a chance.  For curiosity sake I did send money to the county and ask them for a copy of what is in their records, to make sure that nothing was missed.  I have electronic copies of everything and the originals are going in the safe deposit box over the weekend.  I have no need to keep those documents around the house, they are super important and need to be in a secure location.

I was also a little bit on cloud 9, I asked a co-worker for his cell phone number.  It was for business purposes but I honestly didn’t think I would get it and he forked it right over.  I’ve got a little bit of a crush on him but he is married and again I don’t want to mix business and pleasure.  I did however manage to find his Face Book page, what I was looking and hoping for was a shirtless photo but sadly one isn’t posted there.

Speaking of Face book I checked up on a guy that I used to work with, we are friends in electronic form.  He doesn’t really communicate with me since we no longer work together.  We work in the same building but he is too good to go to lunch with me.  In any case he is straight and very fine looking.  Turns out he just got back from a cruise with his girlfriend and they took lots of photos, all of which are posted to Face book.  He’s really in shape – wish I looked as good as he does.  Then again he is like 20 years younger than me.  Still he has a very amazing chest and well defined arms.  Need I say more, as I wipe the drool from my face. 

Things are going pretty well at home.  Bear used his pads like he was supposed to.  I got to trim claws for everyone last night but Ruth.  She has a special date in 2 weeks and I don’t look forward to it anymore than she does.  Marvin let out a scream after I cut one of his nails and he made me think that I hurt him.  I felt so bad but then I realized it was just a trick to make me feel guilty.  Damn.  He expressed his displeasure by not sleeping with me last night.  This morning we were once again the best of friends and he was in my bed after I got out of the shower.  He acted like he was staying there all day and chances are really good that he will.  He loves my room be it the bed or the chair.  I have been told by my late partner when of course he was alive that Marvin would spend all day in my room, most of the time on my bed and he wouldn’t move.  Once I got home life went back to normal for him.  Oddly enough he doesn’t eat that much but he could still stand to lose a couple pounds.

Yesterday in my post I really had a light bulb moment in that I discovered the root of my problem that I am dealing with right now is being all alone.  That is the scary part.  I was thinking about it on the way in this morning that this is the first time in 40 something years that I have no one to come home to.  No one to chat with on a daily basis and no one to cook dinner.  My feelings are perfectly normal and it’s no wonder why I feel this way.  I’ve got to figure out how to get past it, so that it doesn’t consume me and swallow me alive.  The best method I think is finding someone else – that will help a great deal.  I have fears that I won’t be able to make things work but I think that if I find the right person all of the things I am concerned with will vaporize and it will all fall in to place. 

Work has been crazy but that helps pass the time.  I also left a couple minutes early yesterday, which was nice.  One of my neighbors at work was out and the other one was immersed in a call so I was able to tip toe right to the elevator.  That won’t work tonight but it is nice when I can get away with it. 

Lunch time is around the corner and then it’s down hill from there.  It’s raining here and is supposed to continue all day long.  So I know my bushes wont be trimmed today.  However, it will be necessary to stop and see what the mailman left me.  I am waiting on a package of more pads for Bear.  Were not out but I like to be prepared in case the great flood hits. 

Last night I saw the latest episode of Secrets and Lies.  Ryan Phillppe didn’t disappoint in that he was shirtless again, which was nice.  The show is getting interesting and still I wonder if and when we will ever reach any firm conclusions.  The show is about a little boy who Ryan’s character finds in the woods, the boy has been murdered. He was struck in the head with a flashlight, oddly the same type of flash light that is owned by Ryan’s character.  It gets better in that Ryan’s character is the father of the little boy – he doesn’t know this until the boy is gone.  Everyone in town thinks that Ryan’s character committed the murder and he is working to clear his name and find the killer of his son.  His entire family is affected by this and it looks like his marriage is on the rocks.  However, there are up and down moments just like there are in any marriage.  Clearly this is not a normal circumstance that everyone experiences.  Once the case is solved I wonder what the next twist will be or then again will the case ever be solved? 

Very strange dream last night I was working with my brother at a company and was promoted to be his boss and was over a couple of other guys as well.  One of them was a childhood friend of my brother.  Anyway one thing led to another in that drama built up, nothing sexual.  I was fired and my brother of all people was trying to defend me.  I saw the old HR Director from a prior job.  She was deciding what I could take from my office and what I could keep.  I was rushed and purposely took my time so that I didn’t miss anything.  There were boxes upon boxes of crap.  I also had a list of items along with receipts to prove they belong to me.  The strange thing is that I have a list of items and receipts at my desk for my current job, for that very reason.  I don’t want anyone to say I am taking company property when in fact it’s something that I purchased on my own.  The dream was over with like that.  I really didn’t want to come to work today after that but every day is about moving forward.  So I went through my routine and presto here I am at work. 

As I was getting ready for bed last night I got two text messages.  I asked Marvin from the other room who was messaging me.  He just meowed.  I guess that was his way of saying I am a cat and I have no idea.  I went to look and it’s some lady that I have never heard of asking me to add her on Insagram and then she sent a photo of herself.  It was another group message.  I am convinced that the bots from Grindr have hacked the system and obtained peoples cell phone numbers.  Now I get all of these strange messages.  It’s just bizarre as I don’t give out my cell phone number and you are not required to provide a cell phone number to use Grindr but the app is only available for mobile devices.  I blocked her but in a day or so they will move to a different number so it soon becomes impossible to fight.  I looked for an app to help combat this but there really isn’t anything that I could find that didn’t have bad reviews and/or comments saying the app is a waste of money.  Other peoples misery can save you if you take time to read reviews.  I thought about signing up for a feature with my carrier that will block text messages and phone calls from a certain amount of numbers, but then talked myself out of it for now.  Verizon allows you to block 5 people for 90 days and it’s totally free.  The iPhone has a built in blocking feature, which is what I am using now. 

Off I go to solve problems.  Talk with you peeps again soon.  Happy rainy Tuesday!  Looking forward to Tosh.O tonight, it’s time for a laugh or two. 

23 March 2015

Yep it’s Monday

As is typical I wasn’t to thrilled to get out of bed this morning.  It didn’t help that I was up late and that Bear woke me up in the middle of the night.  He had to use the bathroom, apparently pretty bad.  He went right where he was supposed to go, such a good boy.  Marvin was also chatty last night and again this morning. 

I saw a movie over the weekend on Here called Seminary.  It’s about a bunch of closet cases at a Seminary.  I see a recurring theme in some of the movies especially when they pertain to gay sex.  We (gay men) get so excited and turned on, then once the deed is done there is an overwhelming sense of either guilt or emptiness – in some cases both.  I remember when I was younger I felt so guilty for thinking sexual thoughts and even getting off from them.  However, once I found a partner and I matured sex was just another part of life.  I didn’t feel guilty, empty – it was pure pleasure.  Right now I feel the emptiness and loneliness, because there is no one in my life.  I hate those feelings and they are starting to mount and make me think that I am truly on an impossible road no matter what I do.  These are the feelings that motivate the thought of ending it all, but then I realize how much progress I have truly made and that makes me proud.  Not only because I have fought and accomplished so much but because I know my late partner would be proud of me for moving forward.  I’ve truly kept my promise that I would make him proud and I have no plans of breaking that.

I sent an updated message to my friend on facebook that I realized my original message was cryptic but I told him that I wasn’t trying to sell him anything and I wasn’t going to tell him how to find Jesus.  I got a response back that we will try to touch base this week.  I think it should happen, we work in the same building.  So do several other people I used to work with but it’s ironic that we haven’t run into each other.  I just plan on asking him if he were in my shoes how he would find a man.  My guess is that I will be told go to the bar.  Perhaps he will know of another guy who is in need of a partner and we can make a love connection.  I don’t have my hopes up, but I am pretty certain that I will get good advice from him.  He’s married as I mentioned and he is a total Gym Rat, big and muscular.  It does nothing for me, so no worries if you thought perhaps we were going to hook up – won’t happen.  HIs husband is exactly like him, which explains why they got married in the first place. 

While I have the sexual part of a relationship covered by manual methods and I am fine with that.  Just having another guy to do things with would be nice.  I am more interested in a companion than anything.  So you might say making a gay friend would be fine.  However, I would like to venture into the bedroom once and a while, so I am not looking for a friend with benefits – I mean I know I want a relationship.  It’s just tough to get to that point. 

Talking with a friend of mine over the weekend I was asked what if the man of your dreams came along but he didn’t like your cats.  Answer he would be gone.  What if he didn’t want to live with you.  That’s fine I am not looking for an overnight change, we can take it slow.  What if he had dogs, that is fine as well.  Just keep them away from my cats and everyone will be happy.  What if he wanted or was required to move because of his job.  Well that depends upon where he is moving to, if I would follow.  I mean I’d have to find work as well and that isn’t exactly an easy task nor something that I want to jump in.  I have thought about relocating myself to CA but it’s so expensive and the cost of living is much higher there than here, so it really doesn’t make sense.  However, oddly enough I think I would be happier.

It’s been a busy day already.  The phone was ringing off the hook and I got to add another person to my do not answer calls list.  No one knows that I am screening the calls that I take but I refuse to talk with some of the more negative and high maintenance people, life is just too short for that.  Why should I get all worked up when I could pass on the call, a coworker can take it and I can get a nice person.  I mean I know it’s not the right thing to do, but I feel that I have more than paid my price on the phone.  There are often times when I am left by myself on the phones.  Others either don’t or won’t login, they walk away from their desks and it’s just me.  Call after call.  I don’t whine about it, I just deal with it and hope that someone will come along eventually.  Now there are others who document with screen shots and e-mails or in other words they whine about it.  Then everyone scrambles to sign on so that boss can see that multiple people are logged in.  Then in a little while the same thing ma happen again.  If I see someone all alone, I will usually join them even if it’s not my time, just to have the extra person signed on in case something crashes.  I call it common coworker courtesy.  Not everyone plays by the same rules here. 

Last night I got a call from my mom last night she needs a copy of her fathers death certificate because she is refinancing her house.  Now the mortgage is in her name already but she claims that they will give her a lower rate if she can prove that he is deceased.  I know I am being lied to because it just doesn’t make sense.  However, I made a copy and am sending it to her.  I am not sure what kind of a scam she is trying to pull but that will be my brothers problem to deal with.  Legally she can’t sign anything because she has been declared mentally incompetent and my brother has to take care of any legal business that she has.  However, I think she has convinced herself that she is in her right mind and it’s okay and perfectly legal to sign any legally binding documetn and/or contract, when that is clearly not the case. 

I am mailing the copy to her tonight and it will take a couple days to get there.  I hope that my check is waiting for me at the post office.  That is all I know for now.  So off to eat lunch and prep for this afternoon.  Looking forward as usual to getting home to my furry children who I know miss me dearly.  Talk with you all later. 

22 March 2015

Another Weekend

Hi everyone, I hope that your all doing well and that the weather is nice in your neighborhood.  Here we are at the tail end of the weekend.  Saturday’s are so wonderful it feels like time will never end, followed by Sunday and then you know Monday is coming.

Saturday for me was pretty good.  I got the documents for the house.  I am still waiting on the refund check but I am fairly hopeful that it will arrive next week.  If not I will be calling.  I took time out to write letters to the Mortgage company which I worked with, to the parent company of the Title Company, to the State Regulatory Agency and finally a thank you letter to the gentleman who helped me out.  I was thinking about it, his first name turns me on.  I was wondering if perhaps this might be my future partner, I mean stranger things have happened.  I extended a lunch invitation to him if he is in my neck of the woods.  We work a few blocks from each other.  I honestly don’t expect him to take me up on the offer but you never know.  I have no idea what he looks like and I have scoured the internet to try to find a photo a face book page, something that will show me.  No dice. 

I met up with a friend for lunch and we sat and talked for a few hours.  It was a nice time.  I got invited to her sons graduation in June.  He is going to be a State Trooper and the ceremony would be of interest to me.  It will mean 1 or 2 nights away from home but I think I might just be able to swing it.  Not positive yet. 

After lunch was done and I headed home hours had passed since I had eaten so I decided to stop in at Pizza Hut and get what else a Pizza.  It was way too greasy and it was starting to affect my stomach.  I had to quit and thought for sure I was going to barf, but thankfully that didn’t happen.  I made it to the pet food store and got what I needed.  The guy who played me wasn’t there.  I saw another guy who I think likes me.  He always asks me if I need help to the car.  I wanted to say oh do you want to help me to the car?  I know he wouldn’t because his job is a cashier and perhaps he is just being friendly.  He didn’t ask any of the others guys that were in line in front of me.  Maybe I look like an old man to him. 

Sunday I rolled out of bed hit up Steak N Shake for breakfast.  Blueberry Pancakes with Eggs, Sausage and a messed up order of hash browns.  Washed it all down with a Diet Coke.  Then pushed on to the grocery store.  Came home put it all away, realized what I forgot.  Then started on house cleaning.  I got this new urine remover and it does the trick with the urine but not so much with the stain.  I didn’t use it as the instructions said to, I made up my own method.  Which was pouring a good amount into the steam cleaner and mixing it with cold water.  It foamed up like soap.  Then I ran that over the carpet and presto the odor is gone.  I broke out a fan and dried the area really good.  The fan scared the children.  Insty was trapped in the basement and she was screaming but eventually she made it upstairs and past the old wind blower.  I took a nap (big shocker) and then got up and fed them lunch.  I had some left over pizza and then put away the fan.  I put down a pee pad, swapped litter boxes.  I had the bigger box in the living room for Bear but since he doesn’t use it, I moved it back in the hall and put the smaller box in the living room on top of the pee pad.  Then set up his usual pads around it.  Thus far it’s all working and smelling just fine.  The windows are open and air is flowing through the house.  The true test will be when the windows are closed.   I am working on laundry and getting ready for tomorrow.  BBQ Shredded Pork or Beef, don’t remember what I got along with Mac & Cheese for supper.  That is a different meal for me.  Then it will be a dose of Shameless and the season finale of Looking.  Then moving on to bed!

I did catch the finale of Glee.  It was rather interesting.  I am going back and watching it from the start.  I tuned in and got hooked a couple years after it had been on the air.  So I am sure it will be interesting to see the back story.  I also got hooked on a new show called Secrets & Lies starring Ryan Philippe.  I’m telling you he is really buff.  I know he is straight but looking at him hasn’t hurt my eyes one bit.  The show is rather interesting but I’m wondering once the big mystery is solved what the plot of the show will be then or maybe the mystery will never be solved, who knows. 

In the world of on line dating I have discovered that there are chat bots on Grindr.  I have had exactly the same conversation with three different guys.  The big clue is none of them show there complete face.  They all tell me that they have been working out and that my response to them is quick.  They want me to text them so we can exchange photos.  I’ve blocked all three of them.  Now I get random group text messages.  I’m telling you it’s all related and not an odd coincidence.  I pray things don’t get out of hand where I have to change my number.  That will cost me money and I will of course have to notify a bunch of people and I really don’t want to go there.  Not my idea of a good time.  Modern technology though it can be a sneaky thing.  I have taken a chance and reached out to a couple guys.  One guy would barley carry on a conversation which told me he wasn’t really interested.  The others well I am waiting on responses that I am fairly certain will never come.  So the search goes on.  I still think my chances are better in real life than on an app. 

Speaking of which I reached out to a guy that I used to work with.  He just married his husband last year.  I said that I wanted to talk.  We were never really close and I don’t know if he knows I am gay or what happened to me.  He hasn’t responded so I am guessing that I have freaked him out and he thinks that I want to sell him something or that I want to tell him about Jesus.  Both of which are not the case.  My purpose in contacting him was to ask him how to find a guy.  Plus I know he has other guy friends that are gay so who knows maybe something could come of this and maybe not.  It’s a road that I have thought about traveling but have resisted up to this point.  So now I am trying it just to see what happens.  Every day that goes by is a day that I won’t get back and it’s a day that brings the ride of life closer to the end.  Being all alone is nice on some days but overall I need a constant guy in my life and I think it’s more than time to move forward.  I am sure there maybe more heartache in my future and potential breakups, but I will never know if I don’t try.  I am not looking to get married overnight, but I want to start to build something that eventually will work into a marriage.  Knowing the pain of loss I think will make the second relationship/marriage work so much better because I will live it a little different.  Before I knew loss would happen but I didn’t know when and how I would deal with it.  Now I have experienced it I know not to take a second for granted.  I just hope that when I find my prince he can cook because this frozen food is crap and I am ready for some real food every night of the week.

That’s all I have for now.  Moving to put away laundry and prep for supper.  I’ve got some Vanilla Coke Zero for this week.  I am hoping it is really good!  The bills are starting to stack up so that means we are close to the end of the month and another pay cycle, in which my money will vaporize right before my very eyes.  It’s a vicious cycle but I am glad that things are moving in what appears to be an upward direction.  That is the only way I want to go is up, higher & higher each and every day.  Until I reach total and complete happiness. 

Here’s hoping that the roses are blooming in your world and life is treating you well.  I shall talk with you peeps later.  Have a great week!

20 March 2015


Well if your Catholic today is Fryday in that the majority of Catholic’s will be eating Fried Fish.  Actually sounds pretty good.  We used to visit a local VFW for the Fish Fry they do it year round and they have Potato Salad which is out of sight.  I’ve thought about going back but it’s just not top on my list. 

It’s been a wild and crazy busy day here already.  I think but won’t know until I get home that I have a small chip in the windshield, that I picked up this morning.  It looked like a water drop but with the poor lighting in the garage it was tough to make out and I didn’t take time to touch and feel.  If it is it’s small so no big deal but it would be nice if it turns out to be a water drop or some other non damaging liquid.

We have the Basketball game on here at work.  I had to put it on yesterday and then everyone wanted it again today.  Must be nice to watch TV and get paid for it.  Everyone is wondering about their pools and if they are going to win or lose.  I have no interest in the sport but I am sure I would be interested in a lot of the players.  Then I could say hey baby want to bounce my balls?  Ah well it just came to me.

Last night I was watching Nightwatch and it wasn’t funny but I was laughing my ass off.  They picked up a guy who was having a heart rhythm issue.  They tried medication but couldn’t get him out of the rhythm.  The next step is to shock him.  So they warned him that it would feel like someone was punching him in the chest.  They gave the warning and then with no waiting they hit him with 50 joules.  He screamed and that just made me laugh.  They got an order to do it one more time and the guy was like no please don’t.  Presto they hit him again this time with 100 joules.  They couldn’t get him out of the rhythm and he soon became the hospitals problem.  I am sure that has to hurt like hell and I wouldn’t want it but just the way the paramedic explained it and the guys reaction it just made me laugh.  Yes I did rewind it and watch it a 2nd time.

I had another guy hit me up on Grindr while I was at work.  We exchanged a few messages when I had to go.  When I signed back on he told me that he wanted to text and gave me his phone number.  He said we could talk on Grindr but he wanted to swap photos.  Yeah, I had an idea of what kind of photos he was talking about.  The whole purpose of the app is so that you can remain anonymous.  I didn’t bother responding.  I woke up this morning to see the red light flashing indicating that I had a voice mail.  Calls in the middle of the night are never good news.  I instantly thought my mom had passed.  I listened to the message and it was dead air.  It was a missed call on my cell phone and it came from a nearby area code of where this guy is. Call me paranoid but somehow I think he obtained my cell phone number.  Who makes a phone call at 2am?  Very strange!

The only thing going this weekend is a haircut and I am going to the place I normally go to because they sent me a $2 off coupon, the catch is you have to get a shampoo (which I always get) then instead of paying $6 for the shampoo you will only pay $4.  Figure in a tip and no one is really loosing money.  What I get for a haircut is a buzz cut and they are simply priced way too high.  Yeah I have the money but it’s the principal.

I got another call from the Title Company today and they are sending my documents to me via overnight mail.  They wanted to know if there check arrived and I said nope.  I am expecting it today or tomorrow.  I look forward to it’s arrival.  Nothing like money in the bank!

The kids have really smelled up the carpet.  I broke down and ordered some super duper urine odor cleaner, it works or your money back.  Yeah good luck.  They want you to dilute the spill by covering it in warm water and then blotting it up with a paper towel.  Then spray on their product and presto all is well again.  Yeah I don’t think it will be that simple and I am NEVER using warm or hot water on a urine spill again.  That only makes the odor even worse and I am allergic as it is no sense in making myself more miserable.  It also looks like tomorrow will be AC weather here again.  Not looking forward to that but hopefully in a few weeks it will no longer be an issue. 

Marvin was his usual chatty self this morning.  He just loves to talk to me even though I have no idea what he is saying.  I told him that if he keeps talking to me in the middle of the night I am going to hit him with my pillow.  It works for his sister so it has to work on him.  I love him but there is a time to talk and a time to sleep.

Bear is picky as ever.  He is really starting to scare me.  I put food down he goes to town on it and then just stops and moves away from it.  Then he will try to get the girls food or sit and meow at me to give him something else.  I never used to have any trouble with him.  He always ate whatever I gave him for the most part.  Now he has discovered that I will cater to him so he is doing this picky thing.  I feel compelled to give in given what he has gone through and I don’t want him to stop eating all together, that would be very bad news.  He is still my baby but I am tired of him playing me and also the pee pads.  I just wish he would go back to the litter box.  Oh my that would make life so much easier and cheaper.  I say that and this is litter buying weekend.  Time to pull up the Target ad.

Well lunch time is about to hit and I think I am going to get a jump on things.  I honestly didn’t think I would be here yesterday because I wasn’t feeling the best.  I guess the water, massage and prayer took the evil away or so I hope.  I’m ready for the weekend but would like a little sleep first. 

Have a good one and I will talk with you peeps again soon.