I soon found out that my allergies were not to blame for me feeling miserable. I am sick. First time since my partner has passed. I was brutally reminded that there is no one to take care of me and that I am all alone. That was super depressing and I was pondering once again ending it all. I miss him so much and while my life is a bit of a shambles now, it would be a lot easier with him here.
My troubles if you care to know. I woke up early on Tuesday morning (more like middle of the night). I soon realized I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I started watching TV and was up for hours. I got back to sleep to get a cat nap and then I was up for the rest of the day. I called the Dr.’;s office to ask for a prescription to hopefully minimize my time off. They told me they would comply and wound up calling me back later in the day saying I needed to come in and they couldn’t see me until Wednesday. I was not happy.
I threw on some clothes and headed to the Doc in the Box. I was diagnosed with a Sinus Infection, Ear Infection and Bronchitis. I was given a pee wee antibiotic that didn’t appear it was going to work. I took it and called it a day.
This morning I woke up and it felt something like I was struck by a bus. I was miserable. So I hoisted my self out of bed and began the morning ritual and I knew I wasn’t going to work. I stayed up and passed the time by watching the morning news. Told my boss that I wouldn’t be in. Once again he was cold and distant – no response. Normally I get some form of acknowledgement but I realize he no longer cares about me and can’t wait to get rid of me. Believe me when I say the feeling is more than mutual.
I went to the doctors office. The nurse said what brings you here. I said my car. I mean that is the damn dumbest question. Ask me why I need to see the doctor or what’s wrong or what’s going on, not what brings me here. Anyway I was soon on my way with a heavier antibiotic as well as steroids. Headed to the pharmacy.
I picked up those prescriptions, plus 2 cans of chicken soup and a large bottle of Gatorade Fruit Punch. I figured it can’t hurt.
I came home had a phone interview, ate my chicken soup. Watched a little TV and then passed out for an hour. I mean no interruptions, no cats, no nothing I was just out. I woke up feeling a little better.
Then I came downstairs and started to pay bills. I realized there isn’t enough money in the bank to pay the cable bill. Those fuckers raised my rates so I had to put this months bill on a credit card. I got everything else paid so were good for now. Until the next pay check when I get to do it all over again and then I will be taking from savings to pay for the damn water heater.
Oh I forgot I stopped by the post office and saw an EOB for my partner. I said that is kind of odd. I opened it and it’s for my blood work that was done at my last dr. visit. They want $1,000.00 and got paid nothing because the doctor didn’t tell the lab that my insurance had changed. I know they will be sending me a bill and I am already, ready to tell them sorry insurance changed. Hopefully that will reduce and delay the expense.
Sorry to jump all over the place. I did a phone interview yesterday with an IT Outsourcing Firm that is coming to my area.
So at the end of the day I am still depressed and wondering how things are going to work out. I wonder which job if any will come through and if I will have to go through any unemployment or if I will be able to tell them what I have always wanted to say … take this job and shove it. I am so tired of negative and ready for some positive. Like the song goes …, Turn the Beat Around. I feel like a trapped passenger on a slowly sinking ship.
That’s the quick and dirty for today. I am out of vacation time by my records. I realize they probably won’t charge me for the water heater day but I am counting it. I say we are even. Now if I need more time off I will take it and that’s that. My plan is to return tomorrow, hopefully my body will comply and we can get this train wreck of a week over with so that I can relax if only for a couple days.
Here is hoping my numbers are drawn tonight in the lottery. I need a major good break in a very bad way! Talk with you peeps later.